I’m not confident I can go on living for long?

To make a 22yr long story short, I grew up in an abusive environment. My parents were very physically and psychologically abusive, as well as my older brother, who was popular at school and made a ton of people hate me and make fun of me in the halls. CS was called once when I accidentally gave away the physical abuse in 1st grade but my mom made me say it was all a dream, even though I told them multiple accounts of it, and they believed her and left me. I’ve been in and out of numerous eating disorders and self-harm behaviors my entire life. I’m pretty sure I’m not saying all of what happened but I’m cutting it short here.

I’m 22 now, graduated college and have a good job. I credit the only reason I’m alive to my 2 dogs. I have great friends, however I don’t get enjoyment out of life. My dogs have always been there for me and licked my tears away and comforted me after the abuse. If I were to kill myself, I promised that I wouldn’t do so until after they’re dead. That’s becoming more of a reality everyday. I’m aromatic and asexual, and have no interest in romantic relationships at all - tried them, not interested. Could be from the abuse, but that fact won’t make me interested, so don’t try. Don’t want to have kids. I’m not energized by any career goals. Don’t love my friends or life enough to want to keep living. After my dogs, there is nothing keeping me alive. Some days I just wish they died already so I can too. I fantasize too much about dying. I can’t move out because

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  • 5 months ago
    Best answer

    Honestly **** your abusive family and your abusive brother and what kind of brother makes people bully you in school, that is one shitty brother you got there , you deserve a better family who treated you better honestly you did not deserve to be treated like that **** the assholes who treated you like that in high school , **** those dumbass teenagers who made fun of you in high school, Honestly the world is so ****** up i ******* hate it there so many assholes here and i dont understand why????

    Like what the **** , why would you ever bully someone or treat a person like ****

    you are a good, smart , kind hearted , and precious bean who deserves to be protected

    You are a good person who deserved a better family and a better brother

    I was crying when i read your post It's so sad what you had to go through, nobody deserves to go through that and just in case if you need anyone to talk to you can email me anytime or you can call a helpline if you want

    Because i went to a helpline once for people who wanted to kill themselves ( i had and still have an issue with depression) and i felt like a huge burden of keeping my feelings inside was off my chest , Why dont you go on a vacation, or try bungee jumping, ice skating or stuff you have never tried before to make yourself feel better , What I mean to say is why dont you take a break or do something fun for yourself , like do something for you to get your mind off of feeling worthless , It might not work and the sad feelings you have might still be there but the fun activities might help you to have fun , You deserve to be happy and you deserve to love yourself because you are a good person with a broken heart gone through too much, with all the bullshit you had to go through in your life you deserve to have some time with yourself , But please do anything but think your worthless because you are not worthless, your beautiful ,kind ,and strong

    You deserve to keep living you deserve to be happy

    Please dont try to kill yourself, i wish i was there to give you a hug

    I know that despite what i say what you feel about yourself isn't going to change but it should you are not the one who should be feeling worthless, you know who should feel worthless your toxic family and those dumbasses who bullied you in high school they deserve to feel bad about themselves you don't , it just makes me so sad that a good person like you was bullied and the effect that bullying had on your life is causing you to feel worthless about yourself , so please please as a person who has also been mentally abused please don't do anything to harm yourself , you deserve a better life and a better family that can treat you better.

  • 5 months ago

    We have a lot in common. I also live for my dogs, I have experienced abuse, and I have contemplated suicide. So I (atleast partially) know how you feel, I’ve been there and I’ve overcome it. Which means, you can also overcome it. First off, you need to move on from the past; Write letters to the people you’re most angry with, most hurt by. Read the letters to their photos, then rip up their photos. This helped me tremendously. Even if it means putting your abusers head on a punching bag and going nuts on it! Just find a way to move on from it. Unfortunately, that does require feeling the pain and anger from it, and not suppressing it. Just remember, feeling that now, will make you feel better going forward. And about your lack of need for relationships; that can change with time, as you grow to not allow your past to define you. I hope you are able to open up and experience true love someday. It does exist and you deserve it. God bless!

  • 5 months ago

    I’m almost 3x your age and a nightmarishly divorced father to an 18 y/o son . Life has gotten worse and worse, so I hear you. My son has suffered tremendously as well because of the ‘family’ court and CS @$$holes here in CT (Corrupticut) who never did $h!t cuz his mom works for ‘Superior’ Court system here, which is totally corrupt. So, she used to cover for her hubby who abused my little boy whenever I called CS or cops to complain. They ALWAYS believed her and never will because of her position with the state. They fvcking protect their own. If you google ‘top professions that psychopaths go’ civil service is one of them. I’m assuming state workers would fall within this category .My parents fvcked me over pretty well too. Can’t ‘check out’ though,( as much as I’d like to), because of what it would do to my son. My heart goes out to you. Your dogs need you. I had a dog too who used to lick away my tears and other than having a child its about the closest you’ll get to being a parent.

  • 5 months ago

    Stay alive. God didn't give you life just so you can end it.

    I think this will help you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmROrArQFkk

    Youtube thumbnail

    &t=439s

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  • 5 months ago

    Please see a doctor today thanks, just to listen

    and respond your life

    Can be remedied too, and when dogs die there

    are other replacement

    Dogs thanks.

    Thanks

    Very Best Wishes

    Mars

    Source:) Study good video,

    A dogs purpose.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Forget about trying to please others and let yourself enjoy yourself for the unique human jewel that you are. That way you will be mentally and emotionally free to work out a plan for your own life in the way you want it to be.

    Your brother seeks to please people but does not really know how. That results in his negative actions and in reality makes him a peoples puppet. Feel sorry for him because he is not free to truly find and get to know his real self while he is in bondage to what others think of him. He does not necessarily consciously know he is acting out of his need to please people. He would no doubt deny it. But he is.

  • John
    Lv 4
    5 months ago

    Are you sure it wasn't a dream?

    Dreams can get very serious.

    In general people even siblings are frightened of each other.

    They simply don't have the ability to "gang up" on other people.

    You could properly prove it to yourself if you remember specific.

    Turn those you think harrassed you into homeland security or some other law as possible terrorist suspects.

    Since you have in 96 that's right when they would've been training your age group.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    Yes, you've had a rough life, but you can make it better. Seek counseling as soon as possible.

  • car253
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Not sure why can't you take the dogs with you? Many apartment managers will allow pets. And, if you have a small RV or camper you can live in with your dogs. A change in environment is good, anywhere that is different with new people coming into your life, a religious organization or a hobby, hiking, bicycling, ect. There is a website called Meetup.

    • margaret5 months agoReport

      Um because my parents won’t let me take them?

  • j153e
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Will's advice is good. https://www.hopefortheheart.org has good general counselors.

  • Oh dear, I am sorry you endured so much pain. I think if you give yourself time you can find strength to go on, and I would suggest talking to a real live person, one on one, a therapist.

    You may not have career goals, but life can hand you opportunities and rewards, small or large, and those can be things to live for. I live for superficial things myself, as well as keep a sense of greater hope alive.

    I personally suffer from schizophrenia and major depressive disorder. I take medication that keeps me placid. I also have a dark story in life, and my own set of problems. I encourage to do as I did, and turn to someone that can help you further.

    Keep hope alive!

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