My husband when we were arguing said that "no other guy would put as much effort into our relationship"..?

I feel like that was a really hurtful and cruel thing to say, but he hasn't apologized yet. We have been arguing a lot lately but it still feels horrible to say. What do you think?

Update:

He meant it in the sense that no other guy would put up with me. Then he said he didn't want to discuss the argument anymore and shut himself in a different room.

7 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    I think that without knowing how demanding you are it's impossible to render informed comment. Could be he just has a low threshold for engagement. Could be you're very high maintenance and that he's done the best any human could be expected to do.

  • 5 months ago

    He sent you a message and you chose not to heed it.

    "no other guy would put as much effort into our relationship" is code for, YOU have become tedious and our relationship is work. I don't know of any other guy who would put up with this for as long as I have. No matter what I do you aren't happy and its too much work for anyone else who doesn't have an investment in you.

    You may want to quit being butthurt for a while and listen to what he is trying to say.

    Maybe some couples therapy would be appropriate.

    I've had enough and do not want to discuss it further.

  • David
    Lv 6
    5 months ago

    Ummmm...

    The only way it would be "horrible" to say is if it was both UNTRUE, and meant to hurt you somehow. There are plenty of guys out there who put all of their time, effort and money into a marriage....and get very little in return. :( Some of these guys know without a doubt that they are trying way too hard, that they are allowing their wife to walk all over them...

    The ironic thing is, women married to these types of guys typically expect their man to always treat them like a princess, NO MATTER WHAT. If you ignore him or berate him every day of his life? He should treat you like a princess. If you withhold sex from him (which is emotional abuse, by the way) for months (plural) at a time... HE SHOULD TREAT YOU LIKE A PRINCESS.

    Should your husband apologize? I don't know. It could have been out of line, or it could have been very honest. What I do know is that ONE of you owes the OTHER a huge apology. NO, you don't each owe an apology to your spouse. ONE of you needs to apologize to the other.

    Which one of you should apologize? It's not clear from reading your question, as there is not enough information. Are you a good wife? Are you REALLY? Would the "fly on the wall" testify to that, if he could?

  • 5 months ago

    How does your husband know what another guy would do? He doesn't.

    And he seems like a realAss... who says that shitty stuff to his wife?

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  • 5 months ago

    And what if he's right ? Why does it matter ?

    Maybe he goes to the mall with you everyday .

    Maybe he watches soap operas and other tv shows that target female audience, everyday .

    Maybe he lets you have the last word all the time ..

    Few guys would enjoy such life ..

    Now , maybe it's also true if you said " no other woman would put as much effort into our relationship ".

  • 5 months ago

    That's something someone selfish would say. Out there there are MILLIONS of people. Do you really believe you are not capable to find JUST ONE person to treat you better? He's trying to hurt your self esteem and he's succeeding.

    I don't know what kind of arguments do you have and what are they about, but I recommend you to have an honest look at your relationship.

    This is a red flag.

  • 5 months ago

    I think in a fight, it might come off as "no one would put up with you". But idk I think he means, he projects a lot of work into your relationship with him, which is not being accounted for (like the fight focus is everything is wrong). It seems like hes pointing out the unnoticed amount of effort he puts into the relationship, but you probably know him better than me.

    Couples do say hurtful things to each other but sometimes words are interpreted incorrectly too.

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