You live in an age where people drink bleach, a woman got caught on camera for urinating in a basket of potatoes at Walmart. Where climate change is threatening our entire species. Where children train at school drills to lessen the chance of getting shot. Where you can identify as a transgender twin mooned albino wolf and you're only a little weird. Where the internet has the promise of educating everyone and yet Common core has to 'update' 2+2 in a more sophisticated way. This world is god damn crazy. Where Kardashians are more sucsesful and richer than you will likely ever be. 20 years of your life into buying a house of your dreams is equivalent to the the plastic surgery they get for their brazilian butts and **** and so they can **** in a golden toilet, all in a day's whimsies. WHAT IS NORMAL
You're 15. By almost all standards you're still growing. You change up until death. You're busy doing chores, carrying about social status, doing homework, probably vaping or smoking weed with friends, and did I forget MEMES and probably fortnite or your equivalent, as well as preparing for this ****** up society I just mentioned.
You're still maturing sexually (although 'mostly' done), emotionally and mentally (It's not as if you FEEL underdeveloped, your consciousness probably feels normal to you. You have memories of your childhood, but can you really vividly recall your mental processes as much? No. How you think when you're older will be different, but not like a light switch from on to off.
You're sexuality is what you're attracted to.
What do you mean by 'seem to enjoy it' (in reference to gay porn). Are you turned on? Do you fantasize about being in their positions? Do you think these same thoughts through the day?
When you say 'romantically and sexually attracted to them'. It's not as if because you're gay you just 'like men'. Yes, but there's more criteria then that. If you're straight would you sleep with Hillary clinton? Gay, Donald Trump? No. They're ******* gross. (well, Clinton isn't that bad, but Trump lol). You build a connection with a person and become slowly and gradually (at a comfortable pace) more emotionally attached to them. It's not as if you approach someone with the thoughts "I am going to form a connection with this person that will turn into romantic interest." You go to the movies, you laugh and have a good time. You go on a date to discuss interests. All of these IN-THE-MOMENT experiences are then holistically judged by you to determine if you're attracted to the person.
In my case I can find a guy sexually attractive ez af. However, (and not that I do hookups, but at the the thought of it) it makes me really nervous. I am only really comfortable with being sexual once I am close with that person emotionally. So maybe for you, emotion and relationship comes before sexual attraction. (Someone you may think looks 7/10 becomes 'I don't care if they're 7/10 because I like them (: ).
Just because you HAD gf's doesn't make you straight or gay. You could of dated girls and that turned out to be a failure because you're gay. You could be straight but dated girls and it didn't work out so now you've concluded that you're gay cuz you're single.
That's a goal, which is similarly attainable if you had a husband and children via insemination or adoption.
Are you gay? Are you bi? You don't know, you think my 24 year old *** studying folksong Kodaly approach for music education while listening to Markiplier scream and binging on cookies is going to know whether or not you're gay? LOL.
Sorry for the rant lengthed post. There is no answer that anyone here can give you. You have to be patient, open, and honest to yourself. Experiment. Date a guy (communicate to him that you are unsure or curious).
That doesn't tell you if you're gay, but don't focus on that. Focus on
Do you enjoy being near that person?
Do you find THEM attractive. Not because they're a woman, or a man, just if you like that person.
Do you connect emotionally?
Do you want to see them again?
and your ideas and interests will slowly fall in place.
· 1 month ago