My ex wants me back. I still love him but I don’t think I can.?
My ex and I dated for a year, a few months in the same state and the rest of it in a long distance relationship. He broke up with me because distance was too much and I got so busy with school. Then in July, he called to tell me he has a girlfriend (after lying he was single) and I blocked his number. Yesterday, he texted me on Skype (Which I forgot to block) and he was telling me he made a mistake and wants me back, and he won’t let go this time. I still love him, and I always will because he and I were really happy together, but also, he really hurt me. Not just because he lied but how things ended. (He basically said he wanted to date someone else who lives closer until I moved back) I don’t think I can go back to him despite my feelings still being there, but I hate the idea of hurting him because I don’t think he intentionally wanted to hurt me even if he did in the end. Any advice? I usually wouldn’t go to Yahoo unless I needed to (no offense, YA! Isn’t as good anymore) but I’m just lost. I’ve been focusing on myself, schooling, friends, family and my side hobby of writing stories, and I have been enjoying it so much.
- FoofaLv 71 year agoFavourite answer
Doesn't sound like you're really that enthusiastic about getting back into this long distance relationship. So maybe take it slow, keep talking and eventually work toward a face to face meeting. Then you can just see how things feel at that time.
- James W.Lv 71 year ago
I'd go to your school counselor, the counselor at the college counseling center, or a professional counselor to talk this through. They are available for little or no fee. Almost everyone needs counseling at some point in their lives.
The key questions are whether or not you both are strong people and whether or not you have mutual true love for each other.
Here's some information about love from the books True Love Lasts, Straight Talk About Teen Dating, and Straight Talk About Dating:
“Unfortunately, lots of people don’t know what true love is and that’s a big reason why a large number of marriage relationships are unhappy. Many people think that true love is just a feeling. You know, the wonderful head spinning feeling of being “in love.”
If true love is just a feeling, feelings come and go. But true love doesn't come and go. True love is patient and kind. It isn’t jealous, rude, selfish, controlling, or easily angered. It forgives. It’s supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Unlike the feeling of being “in love” which is relatively easy to get especially during dating, true love usually develops slowly over a significant period of time (often years). In order to develop true love for someone you really have to know them well – which means that you have had a chance to observe their behavior in all types of situations (pay special attention to how they react when things go wrong or they don’t get their way). True love is so much more than just the feeling of being “in love” - it’s supposed to be a mutual lifelong commitment. When you say that you love your significant other, you’re saying that you’re committed to loving them for the rest of your life - for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward, until death do you part. True love lasts - it almost never fails.
Think of it this way, if a person has true love for another person, it’s like the sun - it’s always there no matter what (remember that even at night, the sun is still there, it’s just shining on the other side of the earth - and when it’s cloudy outside the sun is also still there, it’s just behind the clouds).
On the other hand, the feeling of being “in love” is like sunshine - even though we’d like it to be sunny every day, the truth is that the amount of sunshine changes regularly. Some days it’s nice and sunny and the feeling of being “in love” is strong, on others it’s partly cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is there but it’s not very strong, and on other days it’s cloudy and the feeling of being “in love” is barely there at all. I’m hoping that this explanation is helping you to see that it’s possible for a person to have true love for another person and not have a strong intense feeling of being “in love” with that person at a particular moment. (If you talk with married couples, I think they’ll tell you that the strength of their feelings of being “in love” changes regularly.)
So when you hear someone say, “I don't love him or her anymore” - take it for what it usually is. It’s usually someone saying that they’ve lost the feeling of being “in love”, that they don’t know how or they’re not willing to make the effort required to get the feeling back, and that they probably never had true love for their significant other to begin with because true love almost never fails.
Many times I’ve heard young women say, “my boyfriend loves me.” Unfortunately, most of these women have been fooled. How could their boyfriend possibly have true love for them if their boyfriend doesn’t even know what true love is? Sadly many people marry when one or both people don't have true love for the other - and the result is usually divorce because it's hard to keep a marriage together when it's based only on the feeling of being "in love."
My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money).
It’s going to be tough, but my second suggestion is that you break up with this guy in a kind way unless he’s a strong person with whom you feel you could one day develop mutual true love with (if you don't have it already), and eventually look for this type of guy (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of man is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.
(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)
Hope this helps!Source(s): True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults, Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up
- Beverly SLv 71 year ago
Totally up to you..but what makes you think things will be different if he finds another girl closer?
- Coach SimonLv 71 year ago
Come on: single means unmarried. He went out with another girl (or more|) and he decided he would rather be with you, I expect. Do you want someone with no understanding of women?
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- Anonymous1 year ago
Don't take him back.....
- ?Lv 61 year ago
I'm guessing he broke up with his other girlfriend and now he wants you back? See how that works?