Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 5 months ago

Did I do wrong?

My brother asked me to loan him some many to pay his rent. He was desperately in need. So I gave him $1000 from my wedding savings. That’s where I put all my money. When my girlfriend found out, she got furious. She still won’t talk to me to this day, 5 days later. Did I mess up? I couldn’t let my brother be homeless ,and he will pay me back.

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  • 5 months ago

    Hi,

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  • 5 months ago

    Will he pay you back? My personal experience with siblings is that they talk good but never really give back the money borrowed, You knew that money was earmarked and you should have talked it over with your soon to be wife. You are showing a problematic penchant for taking on your brothers responsibilities. Would you rather help your brother (I bet he is younger) with his responsibilities or have a happy life with a happy wife The choice is yours but you are not gonna be able to have both

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  • Kim R
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    All of you did wrong! Your brother did wrong by mishandling his finances to the point of having to ask for money. You did wrong by giving it to him, thinking he would pay you back (he will be in the exact same position next month, I suspect, and he will come to you again), and your girlfriend did wrong by getting upset and not speaking to you. It's a bad situation caused by your brother. You get out of it by telling your brother he will not be getting any more money from you UNLESS he pays you back in the time frame I hope you gave him(otherwise, you're just an enabler), you apologize to your girlfriend, and then the ball is in her court. I would suggest couples counseling for you both, because you both need to communicate better. You were put into a bad position by your brother. I hope it's a one-time thing, but I doubt it. I wish you luck!

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Tell her that if this wedding is more important to her than your beloved brother's safety then she's got her priorities all wrong. You should seriously consider whether this is the kind of person you want to marry because episodes like this come up from time to time in life and if she's as selfish as you make her sound she's not going to be a team player later.

    • 5 months agoReport

      She’s not selfish; the brother should NOT be asking for money. They saved that for their wedding. The brother was being selfish. Maybe next time the brother shouldn’t let his financial bills go that far & not pay them off.

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  • 5 months ago

    If it's joint savings, it's not solely yours to give away. You should have discussed it with your girlfriend FIRST (even if the eventual outcome would have been the same)

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  • GEEGEE
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Not by giving him the loan, but not discussing it with her first. You don't say when the wedding is, but if it is quite soon, she may be concerned about the payback schedule.

    • This, 100%. I guarantee she’s mad about the lack of communication and not the fact that you helped out her future brother.

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  • 5 months ago

    100% you need to discuss this and agree! The way I see it once you commit to someone (especially when you are married or planning a wedding) that person becomes your family and the kids you 2 have together and no one can be more important then them. Lending money to someone who doesn’t have and most likely will be back to ask for more without first talking about it with your partner is a big no no! My hubby told me once I am lending my brother $5k from our savings he will give it back in 6weeks and I said okay (as can’t fight it) I just asked if we had enough for our upcoming bills and were up to date. I also knew that if his brother didn’t pay us back my hubby would never again lend him anything! Just gotta talk to your partner especially if it’s a shared account.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    Yes, you were wrong.

    In a committed relationship, you discuss things before you do it.. not after. If this is a shared account that's in both of your names... you also essentially gave away her money too.

    My husband and I have his/hers/theirs bank accounts. We have a shared account that we have jointly which has savings, pays our expenses, provides for our kids, etc. Then we both have individual accounts that we pay our own expenses (debt) and savings we can do whatever we want with. If I was going to loan/give someone money, even though my husband really never would know.. I'd still discuss it with him before I did and he gives me the same courtesy.

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  • paul
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    I hope he will pay you back . your girlfriend is right .

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  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    < from my wedding savings >

    It's your money. I just hope your friend really does pay you back, lots of these 'loans' tend to turn into 'gifts' in the other people's mind.

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