Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 9 months ago

Why do people think co-dependence is always such a bad thing?

My boyfriend had gone through so much in his life that his body is no longer able to produce positive energy on its own. His parents abused him very horrendously when he was a child, and he is traumatized for life by this, and this is not his fault. This is where I need to compensate, and I don't mind being there for him and doing what I can to heal him, I would think this is what unconditional love is all about...so why would people blame him for this, or judge and criticize me for this, or pressure me to leave him, demanding that he and his "co-dependence" are only a burden to me? And these are usually people who grew up in loving, nurturing families, by the way. Why would they blame him for being less fortunate than they are? I guess we just live in a selfish, superficial society. Lol

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    "This is where I need to compensate, and I don't mind being there for him and doing what I can to heal him, I would think this is what unconditional love is all about."

    Bless your warm heart!

    The selfish people will not agree with you or understand you.

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  • 8 months ago

    I don’t know. You sound very special.

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  • 8 months ago

    It's easy for somebody on the outside of a situation to tell someone on the inside what they should do or how they should feel. People will always have their opinions, but it's always best to go with your gut. If something feels icky, it usually is.

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  • 8 months ago

    Not always. Just in the wrong hands. Babies and senile people have to depend on the good training of caring people to thrive, and in this case, undo some scarring. A positive attitude helps. Encourage inner strength by giving room to grow and stepping aside from time to time as appropriate. Humans aren't helpless, but some won't acknowledge they can 'drive their own car'. Don't be afraid! Life is an endless series of positive adventures. Best wishes to you both.

    • Diamond8 months agoReport

      Without really knowing what others have been through, we can't accurately determine what they can and can't do for themselves or others. All we can expect and ask of them is that they do their best, whether or not it can be considered good or bad in our eyes.

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  • 8 months ago

    Recognizing that another human being is deserving of love and compassion is not a bad thing at all, nor is having compassion and empathy for someone who was subjected to abuse/hurt/etc.

    However, there is harm in the dynamic of codependency. By depending on another person to get what they should be giving to themselves- self love, confidence, coping skills, etc.- it is preventing that person from learning how to obtain these things for themselves. If you should ever leave or something happen to you, your bf would again be deprived of these.

    It's like the old saying, don't give someone a fish, teach them how to fish.

    • ...Show all comments
    • I understand your point, and agree for a short term period. However, the neuroplasticity of the brain and psyche negate this long term. Which is why both PTSD and CPSTD can be essentially cured. The brain can literally be retrained in this aspect, with practice. Coming from someone with CPTSD.

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  • 8 months ago

    Reserve judgement on if co-dependence or an individual is co-dependent and is bad on account of that fact. We as human beings have stages of growth and development and we must struggle to gain the necessary skills to to attain our present level and move on to the next level. When we were small we learned how to stand on our own, or we all had to learn how to read and write. When someone arrives at adulthood with excess baggage from their home of origin that baggage is something they must acknowledge and determine do I want to continue doing things this way. The bad thing is when we grow up in a home with a lot of hysterical nonsense where nobody is ever responsible and everything is always going wrong that exposure "rubs off" on you. If your entering into a relationship with an individual with excess baggage if they aren't consciously admitting these facts about their homes and selves you may find yourself married to somebody, having to "read thier minds: and "walking on eg shells".

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  • 9 months ago

    I think it’s just a label with little meaning

    Perhaps to sell books?

    Thanks

    Very Best Wishes

    Mars

    Source:) General knowledge

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    I couldn’t be with someone who is so needy, personally but I do have a complete lack of empathy or so I’m told. I don’t know how old your bf is but he needs to get therapy if he is in such a bad way. I feel like you are somewhat codependent and need him as well...

    I don’t know, but I guess if you are both happy then it doesn’t really matter and not everybody in your life needs to force their opinion on you.

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    • Thomas E
      Lv 6
      8 months agoReport

      Repairing self-esteem can be arduous. Encourage without being a crutch. Teach without preaching. Denial can block growth. Openness and honesty are best but can be painful.

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    cause its not good to depend on anyone

    • Whiskey9 months agoReport

      I don't mind if he is dependent on me for what his parents or no one else gave him because I know it's not his fault and I love him. Because of what he had gone through and overcome with his sanity somehow intact, he is stronger and more courageous than anyone I know and I admire him for that.

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    Agree with Kerri. You're not a professional, and this is his path, not yours.

    Usually the man hates the woman for this.

    You can ASK if he wants your help.

    • Whiskey9 months agoReport

      It's not about being his therapist. It's about wanting to stick by him through both good times and bad...a trait sadly lacking in most humans, who tend to be fair weather, which I bet you are. And yes, HE asked ME. Most of his exes left him as soon as he needed him. He's grateful I'm different.

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  • Kerri
    Lv 4
    9 months ago

    I think it’s a good thing trying to help him overcome such trauma. That said, since you obviously care about helping him to overcome, then it’s in both your best interests for him to learn how to deal with and make peace with his past in his in even while you help him. Codependency can hurt because the person depending on someone else may never learn to stand on their own two feet and will never be able to function normally in life. If your relationship doesn’t work out then your boyfriend loses his “crutch” in life (you) and will be forced to face life without the coping skills or life skills necessary for functioning in the world. I applaud you for helping him but for his sake, he should seek professional help so he can learn on his own how to overcome his trauma and deal with it so that he can be his own person.

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    • Kerri
      Lv 4
      9 months agoReport

      I’m definitely on your side here. I’ve been abused as a child and know what he’s feeling. I’m certainly not saying you should give up and not help. Just for both your sakes, get into couples counseling or therapy. It can help you help him to help himself. Good luck hun ❤️

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