You're right, it isn't fair.
There are LOTS of things about life that aren't fair, but the hope is that it at least somewhat evens out. I'll put off the discussion of abortion/murder etc, but we'll just leave it as she has better control over her ability to reproduce than you do because of both biology and law. I would love to see "legalized paternal surrender", which would make things somewhat fairer. And yes, the legal system is generally stacked against men.
On the other hand, women have spent generations being evaluated almost exclusively on their physical appearance, over attributes they have no real control over. And when they DO control them (e.g. makeup), get accused of being fake. If you want to deal with that, I'm pretty sure women would happily let men deal with that for awhile.
I personally think menses is annoying, but it isn't the end of the world. On the other hand, many women have vastly different experiences. It's also annoying recognizing that your mood is controlled by events but also by hormones. Pretty sure women would happily let men deal with that for awhile too.
It's easy to use the term "double standard", but you haven't gone through any sort of reproduction cycle as a woman, so you really don't have anything to compare to. Nor do women really understand how uncomfortable it is for men to not know if the kid is theirs, not have any power to be with something they are told they should love, etc. There are many women who blithely assume that it is their God-given right to have the children they want with the father's they want and the partners they want, and they are usually in for a rude surprise when they find out that guys can simply up and leave them. Perhaps he is violating the law, but that doesn't put food on the table.
Your "abortion is murder" argument falls on deaf ears simply because you will never experience what it is like to gestate. There are some women who love it, but most deal with it only because they want children and the idea of being forced to suffer through 9 months of biological ... there is no word for it, so we'll just go with "hell" just because somebody else says NOT dealing with it is murder is, for many, a non-starter. You want there to be a bright line of conception, and for people who actually go through this, there just isn't.
Moreover, you are asking somebody to surrender their body to the state (which is to say, do what the state mandates for the health of the fetus) for 9 months. If everything is tied around the health of the baby, she can't smoke, she can't drink, she shouldn't get in a car etc because that increases the probability of the baby dying.
I highly doubt I'll be able to convince you that abortion is a horrible but never-the-less inevitable solution in many cases, but it isn't going away. The best you can do is turn people who are forced to do it into criminals who perform it unsafely in ways that may cause not only the fetus to die, but also the mother. Will you really consider that winning?
I continue to believe that abortion should be safe, legal and RARE. If I can put words in your mouth, you think it should be illegal, but you really don't address the realities of how often it should happen. Presumably you would like it to never happen, but sorry, that is not the planet we live on.
The sooner you figure that out, the sooner you'll be able to have a reasonable conversation to reduce the frequency in a safe way.