Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 10 months ago

One day my boyfriend is sweet, loving, and kind and the next day he's blowing up at me over nothing. should i be worried?

We have been together for a couple of years but during our time together we've broken up a couple of times. our most recent breakup was two months ago, we got back together he called my phone 12 times saying how he couldn't live without me and how he believes we are soulmates. he said we are meant to be and he doesn't want to lose me. he seemed sincere and he promised he would work on his anger issues. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt because i love him and i believe people can change for the better This is the first LONG TERM relationship i've been in meaning i've been with other men but i've only been with them for 3-6 months. I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 35. he has two kids by two other women that he was with before he met me. I've been cheated on in every relationship except this one. he's been fiercely loyal which is one thing i admire about him. our relationship issues stem from us having polar opposite opinions about things and his control/anger issues. The first year we were together we didn't have problems. the second year things got shaky and then the third year was when things started spiraling out of control with his massive control issues. although he was never physically abusive and i know without a doubt he wouldn't lay a hand on me, I found myself crying myself to sleep a lot because of the way he would try to control me. he got mad at me because i didn't rush into the house fast enough time and he didn't want his 18 yr old nieghbor looking at me

Update:

: We argue almost everyday and I'm not exaggerating. and it be about the most ridiculous things. We were two minutes later for the movie because i had to pee and i said we can still enjoy the movie and he was like " i would've enjoyed it more if we could've watched the beginning." I was like " I'm sorry..

Update 2:

We were having a discussion about actresses and actors and have they go from either making thousands of dollars to millions.and I was like " My goal is to eventually be a millionaire. I know its a stretch but anything is possible, you never know. rich for the stars right." and he was like " I just don't want you to be disapointed cause the chances of that happening are slim to none. just be happy if you get thousands." and i was like " yeah that'll be alright.

Update 3:

and he was like " NO THAT'LL BE GREAT. ITLL BE MORE THAN ALRIGHT. STOP UNDERMINING MONEY LIKE A THOUSAND DOLLARS IS LITTLE MONEY. YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR MAKING THOUSANDS. YOUR MINDSET IS STUPID AND IT P*** ME OFF." I was like " what is wrong with you. why are you being so aggressive with me.

Update 4:

it's a crazy a couple of hours later he was like a completely different person and trying to kiss on me, feel me up and down, and cuddle me. this is why this black and white behavior is so confusing.

Update 5:

He says he wants to marry me this year and he wants to propose and get married all in the same day. he doesn't want to go through an engagement process. he wants to get married in a court house and then we have a big ceremony later on when we can afford it.

Update 6:

he said that he wants to get married ASAP because we haven't been having sex for a couple of months and he is sexually frustrated but doesn't want to have sex while unmarried and live in sin anymore. He didn't seem to care about being romantic about any of this and said he will just propose in a normal way that he feels is best. I'm not really excited about any of this for some reason.. its supposed to be the happiest day of my life.

Update 7:

ast year he had a problem with the way i pronounced my words. he was like can you please not put an emphasis on that letter and can you please open your mouth. I'm not sure if it's an OCD or anger issues. I've been trying to work with him and I suggested we go to therapy before any kind of marriage occurs. I just don't believe in divorce.. and i want to make sure we have a stable marriage.

Update 8:

Im currently writing a book. my passion is writing and i wanna be an author. have my degree in journalism. I told my boyfriend that a lot of my friends are putting it out in the universe that I'm going to be a best selling author. My boyfriend was like " I'm not your friends. your book is good but i'm not going to give you false hope."

Update 9:

I was like " I'm not saying i will be a best selling author . it just felt good that they believed in me that much.."

17 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    You SHOULD be telling him that he gets into some anger management classes or you won't be around anymore. Loyalty is pointless if it comes with potential violence. Don't be so grateful for his fidelity that you risk your life over it.

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    10 months ago

    Take him to the doctor or get counseling together at a church.

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  • Tara
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Yes .

    It could get worse as time goes on … especially if you marry him.

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  • 10 months ago

    This is not normal behavior. This isn't healthy, it is abusive.

    You are not and will not be happy with this man. This is not how a good, healthy, happy relationship works.

    Honestly this man reeks of Narcissist Personality Disorder. They have to always be in control, they have to be right. They will try to make you feel bad about yourself and will slowly wear down your self esteem so that you grow completely dependent on them. And when you start to have doubts, they will flip like a light switch and become so kind and caring to draw you back in. But its always temporary.

    Whether he genuinely has a personality disorder or not, honey, please do not marry this man. You have seen the progression of how his behavior has gone from bad to worse over time, and you are screaming in a million ways how unhappy you are.

    You should not have to put up with a ton of crap just for a morsel of love here and there. You deserve to have love ALL the time. And yes, you might be scared, you might not want to be alone or you may think you'll never find somebody better.

    This is a man who treats you that way because he knows he can, he knows that right now, you will take it. You'll forgive him and make excuses. You'll keep chasing that scrap of love here and there and that's all he will ever be willing to give you.

    Consider moving on. Google things like gaslighting, hoovering, narcissistic abuse, see if it rings a bell. Good luck.

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  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    When people ask questions more than once, and they add an insane amount of detail, it's usually because they want to be told their partner is a keeper. It's all rather silly, but sooner or later, some teen will oblige, I'm sure.

    "...and how he believes we are soulmates. "

    I literally lol'd at this. The 2 of you are nowhere near being soulmates.

    "i believe people can change for the better"

    This is a cop out. Yes, they can, but only if THEY want to do it. Nobody has ever changed who they are because someone else wants them to.

    Finally, parts of this sound almost like you think you're a victim, esp the stuff abut the proposal and wedding. You aren't remotely a victim. You're choosing to stay with the wrong guy. It's that simple.

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  • 10 months ago

    Imagine that you want to purchase a car. How thoroughly would you research it? Would you be concerned only about the outer appearance? Wouldn’t it make sense to look deeper—perhaps learning as much as you could about the condition of the engine?

    Finding a mate is a much weightier issue than choosing a car. You see the need to discern “the secret person of the heart.” For example, rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree. In other words, how does this person handle conflict—by insisting on his or her way, perhaps giving in to “fits of anger” or “abusive speech”? Or does this person show reasonableness—a willingness to yield for the sake of peace when no issue of right or wrong is at stake? Another factor to consider: Is the person manipulative, possessive, or jealous? Does he or she demand to know your every move?

    However, it’s just as important to learn something of your friend’s reputation. How is that one viewed by others? You may want to talk to those who have known this person for some time. It might be revealing to jot down your personal observations as to how your friend measures up in the areas discussed so far. Personality ․․․ Conduct ․․․ Reputation ․․․

    Would He Make a Good Husband for Me?

    Character Basics

    □ How does he handle any authority he may have?

    □ What are his goals?

    □ Is he now working toward those goals?

    □ How does he treat his family?

    □ Who are his friends?

    □ What does he talk about?

    □ What is his attitude toward money?

    □ What type of entertainment does he enjoy?

    Assets

    □ Is he industrious?

    □ Is he financially responsible?

    □ Is he well reported on?

    □ Is he considerate of others?

    Danger Signs

    □ Is he disposed to anger?

    □ Does he try to involve you in sexual misconduct?

    □ Is he physically or verbally abusive?

    □ Does he need to use alcohol to have a good time?

    □ Is he jealous and self-centered?

    Source(s): goo.gl/sLXCYf
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  • 10 months ago

    I couldn't read even a quarter of this! I all seems rather immature and insecure - at least he must be if he feels a need to control you. Many women are not too “mature” until late 20s and a lot of men don’t even start to grow up until their mid thirties (I was one!). Actually Judge Judy said recently their forties! Reading books like Dr Phil McGraw's excellent Relationship Rescue helps to give us deeper insights into how relationships work. (I wish I got commission, as I recommend it to so many people!). As he writes in the book, it isn't only or people whose relationships are in trouble. There are other excellent books, of course.

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  • 10 months ago

    You should be very worried. Why? Because you describe him as your boyfriend, but I remember last week when you described him as your husband. And the week before THAT you said you had broken up with him, and that he was just your boyfriend. So yes, you should be worried. Worried that you're either delusional and there is no boyfriend OR husband, or worried that you're an amateur troll that can't keep his/her story straight.

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  • 10 months ago

    This relationship is not at all healthy. He sounds very controlling, angry and argumentative. Physical abuse is not the only kind of abuse - he is abusing you emotionally and mentally. This will eventually eat away at you. Ask yourself why you love him. What does he do to support, encourage and build you up? Is he helping you be the best person you can be? If not, then you don't need to be with this man. I know lots of men who are kind, loving, gracious and forgiving. I am married to one. So lovely men DO exist. You don't need to settle for a man who does not respect you. Just something to think about.

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  • 10 months ago

    you should not .

    its okay just accept it and when you know hes even good sometimes . give him time to settle down in own do not over oanic on him.

    to run a long term relationship you guys really need to be patient and understanding at the same time.

    tske it easy.

    start loving him more

    • ♥ Abby ♥
      Lv 5
      10 months agoReport

      Yes and don’t let him hit u

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