Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 months ago

My wife pays for nothing in the house?

I pay for everything. The rent, all of the bills and for the food. The only thing she pays for is her clothes and makeup. Sometimes, she offers to pay for dinner. Like she just made everything great!! Does this seem fair to you? I suspected I will pay for most of the stuff because I earn more, but this is getting ridiculous. I don’t even know what she does with her money.

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  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    You didn't see this coming before you married her?

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    I feel like this question could have been written by my husband, but....

    I left my full time job when our 2 year old was born, and now I work part time, take care of our son full time, and do 100% of the household labor.  Much of my labor, sadly, is unpaid and therefore undervalued.  My husband makes a good living and pays the bills, and I keep my small (25% of his) part time income so I can NEVER ask him for anything beyond the bills.

    My money goes to things he does not think about, like clothes, a warm jacket, and shoes for our son, because he grew out of the last ones in about three weeks.  I also buy everything for the house, like curtains, towels, and new sheets when the old ones wear out, because he would be happy living in a cave if left to his own devices.  I’m not talking expensive designer stuff either, I’m talking Walmart, but it adds up.  And yes, I buy all my own clothes, make-up, haircuts, etc, and I enjoy not having to ask his permission or argue about the occasional $5 coffee or whatever.  He already has pretty much all of me - my body, my labor, my time, and most of my money (because sippy cups for the baby are “frivolous”), and any little crumbs left over I want to keep for myself are too much?

    I hope if my husband was unhappy with our arrangement he would tell me... Of course, given our particular circumstances I’d also think he was being kind of a dick.  Let’s have that budget convo, but let’s also make sure we tally up the income I’m not getting - how much it would take to hire a full time nanny and a full time housekeeper - and factor that into our cost-sharing analysis.  

    Don’t put your partner in a situation where you have all the money and she’s always broke... that will lead to nowhere but resentment and the death of the relationship.

    I’m sorry if you don’t have kids or your wife is just lazy, then this probably doesn’t apply to you and please forgive me for the rant. 😀

    • Clickman
      Lv 4
      3 months agoReport

      his story said nothing about children, SO we all answer based on that.  Sad you are so unhappy , 1st better never have more children. But I have seen your very story and the problem was,,, the women had purchased at least 50 sippy cups. She had a spending problem and excuse problem. 

  • 3 months ago

    This question should have been addressed before marriage vows were taken.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Women don't pay things. Men are women's slaves and are not allowed to speak. All men will be enslaved

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  • Tara
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    Maybe - she thinks the man should be the "bread-winner" … maybe this was how it was done while she was growing up in her family.

    If you don't want it this way -- have a renegotiation with her -- tell her the way you think it needs to be.

    • Nickname
      Lv 4
      3 months agoReport

      It’s not really traditional for common folks to be virgins before marriage, that was only high class in some european countries. You are confusing romantic fiction with facts.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    you did a poor job selecting and you should have discussed this before marriage

    THAT MY friend is on you - your fault and take the blame for that 

    but my experience is you need to bail out of this marriage 

    it will only get worse

    • Clickman
      Lv 4
      2 months agoReport

      Anonymous is merely saying.. to take the blame for his bad choices and now as a adult not blame her but take the blame - if they are going to work it out, he must start from that position

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    Married? for better or for worst, for richer or for poorer, stop moaning, you married the Women, accept your responsibilities for taking care of the weaker species, it is her right since the dawn of Women's lib to have everything done for her,if you don't like it, you can blame your for fathers for letting them out of the scullery:-O

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    50/50 split on household expenses is something roommates do.

    It's not uncommon for a married or long term couple living together that one may make a significant amount more than the other, thus it's likely they contribute more financially.

    Did you have a talk about finances prior to marriage? "I suspected I will pay for most of the stuff because I earn more" suggests you didn't. Finances are the biggest conflict in most marriages so that's why a clear understanding of how you'll manage money as a couple needs to happen... that can be revisited after marriage too.

    My husband and I were very open with finances before we got married. We knew each others income, credit history, expenses, debt and all that good stuff. I have a good paying job, but my husband has a high paying job. He pays the majority of expenses of the home (the house is his, it's a premarital asset)) but I pay certain things too... mostly things for the kids and some personal debt I have. He's never questioned how I spend my paycheck, but I also never ask him for money and we're not hurting financially. Our system works for us.

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    One of the easiest ways to make sure everyone pays their fair share of expenses is to have things coming out of a joint bank account. That way everyone puts their share of their paycheques into the account, and at that point the money becomes joint, and there's no way to tell which money belonged to whom beforehand.

  • 3 months ago

    Since it really doesn't matter whether or not this seems fair to random strangers on the internet, what's your actual question for us?

    • Jessica3 months agoReport

      Yet you keep answering strangers with this stupid question lol

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