I'm finally at the point where I have no choice but to give my wife an ultimatum. How far is too far if I still want her as my wife?
After sending a message to my wife telling her that I've realized that she doesn't love me as a husband but only as a best friend and that this arrangement is NOT okay with me I've decided that I didn't wear my wedding ring today, because what's the point if she doesn't treat me like her husband? She swore vows to love me as an individual regardless of my status or my health, and she's not doing her part at all.
I also blocked my wife from messaging me on FB (she can text or call my phone if she wants to talk still) then I changed my bio on FB to say "best friend" where husband used to be. Then I went on to declare on my FB wall (only family can see it) that our marriage is NOT okay and it hasn't been for quite some time. I know it seems petty but I was told yesterday that as long as she's "okay" with the arrangement of the relationship and I'm not giving too much grief she will maintain the status quo, so this is me trying to give MORE grief over our arrangement so she can let go of her matriarchal feminist beliefs and finally treat ME as an equal to HER.
Why I finally snapped is because after 9 years of talking to all of you on here I realized that the one thing that I have over my wife is I am a vulnerability in her "perfect online persona", she fears being exposed for being fake online and hiding the truth; so there it is, the only thing that can MAKE her see the relationship is NOT okay. But how far is too far if all I want is change?
- FoofaLv 75 months ago
Immature petulance and public shaming probably isn't the way to salvage your marriage. It might feel good if you're actually willing to then file for divorce. But you may now have crossed a line that means even intensive marriage counseling wouldn't work. One wonders what your question here was and this just seems like a screed. Either try to fix your marriage or leave it, don't start acting like a tween-ager because that's only going to make your divorce a lot more contentious than it needs to be.
- K S LallLv 75 months ago
Divorce her at once. Cut her off without a penny. Failing that, stay with her, but openly visit prostitutes. If she objects, tell her to go back to her parents - without a dime.
- HelenLv 75 months ago
Are you both 12?
- Anonymous5 months ago
You are right, in 100% fashion. It's too bad that the other people commenting here either are not married, or have blinders on, or do not have mental capacity for thought. Here's how I see it, and how it will likely manifest in my own life: 1) She, like 99% of wives, does not love you (her husband), and yet society goes on projecting 'love' as something Bitchez are capable of; 2) Putting it out there is the only option, but it will come with consequences, they will either work out for your benefit, or they will not - time will tell; 3) In either event, the future for you has began to get better.
In my realm, I have not yet proclaimed in front of family and friends that she, like most wives, does not love me. I think it will get proclaimed in the context of educating my three sons on how the world works. But, let's face the truth here: Do you really want her as your wife still? Chances are that she is not going to able to fake it for long - if she has not been showing you that she loves you, nothing in the world will change that. I think that's the ultimate truth, brother
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- Anonymous5 months ago
Sounds like this is your problem. You need to talk with your wife or go to counseling instead of going on social media to solve your problems.
- Common SenseLv 75 months ago
Airing your failed relationship is incredibly immature. As if you are exposing her to make yourself look better, when, in fact, it is doing the opposite and showing how pathetic you can be.
Knowing you are not considered a husband should give you a clue to begin divorce proceedings. Nothing gets better when a husband and wife suddenly declare they are just friends while playing a charade to still continue as if nothing happened. How happy are you going to be when the best friend you are married to happens to be sleeping with other men?
A divorce will happen. She is just using you for as long as she can and you are being foolish.
P.S. Looks like SHE is the one who issued the ultimatum by coming up with this cockamamie idea.
- robert xLv 75 months ago
after sending a message? surely you need to talk face to face about such things not via a screen
- PatriciaLv 45 months ago
Is this a real marriage or some social media thing? You shouldn't have to convince her to be husband and wife in every sense of the word.
- Anonymous5 months ago
Wait. You "messaged" your wife over something major like the state of your marriage? On what planet does this make any sense? It's usually teens who have to be reminded that texting isn't communication. Same with all the social media drama. It's fake! Why does it matter you now call her your best friend. Again, this is tween behavior.
On the rest, you are your own worst enemy. You're miserable, but you "diagnosed" her with autism and you're playing the disease card as a justification for sticking it out and being unhappy. The only person you hurt when you do this is yourself.
- BobLv 45 months ago
It sounds to me - as a complete outsider who knows nothing of the 9 years of posts you say you ve made here - that you have a marriage in name only and that the relationship you have with your wife now is predicated on how unhappy you both seem to be at the status quo.
Personally, I don t see the benefit to anyone of you posting on Fb in the way you did. It comes across as not only petty but honestly man, it s really not cool to air your dirty laundry out in public like that and people reading it are going to feel uncomfortable.
It seems to me that neither you nor your wife love each other any more and that the vows you both made to each other have long since become moot.
Why go on trying to keep up the masquerade? Surely, you would feel happier in the long run when your life and future isn t intertwined with that of a woman who doesn t love you as you want to be loved? It may well make life tough in the short term but the future will be brighter...
Good luck man!