Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 2 months ago

Im 37 and Ive wasted my life, I've never been social nor had any fun. Just wanted advice?

Im a 37 year old female and just have lots of regrets in life, some controllable others not. All through school and college I had no social skills at all, was very quiet and unstylish/very tomboyish (I've still never worn a dress to this date). I struggled to make friends and lads just took the piss out of me, all I cared about was sport. At college for a psychology facial attraction topic I was rated the least attractive in the class lol, even though I had a slim physically fit body. It was my own fault I had short unflattering hair and was always in baggy sportswear. I just had no idea on hair/style etc. 

I never got to have sex/go out drinking. I focused on keeping fit etc until my late twenties when I dated a much much older man, but he often called me unfeminine, odd and said I need a make over (probably true) he was ok in some ways I guess but he ended it. 

Anyway Ive grown my hair a bit longer now and tried it in a braid for the first time, it looks very feminine lol. Sounds odd but I wish that back at school id have put more effort into looking feminine if id have had long hair and a skirt/worn a bit of make up I swear my life would have been different i.e. id have attracted a guy or 2 and maybe had more confidence. I had confidence but only in athletics lol. 

I worry its too late now. 

I wish I had the social skills/knowledge about life that I have now (even tho I've still no friends!) so I would bond/make friends at school/college. Ive wasted life.

41 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    Nothing wrong with being an introvert, and "fun" is a subjective term

  • 2 months ago

    try to shift your attention to something else.

    I'm just 21, a guy in college with no social skills either here and don't give a rats *** about people anymore.

    there's so much to life other than dating and having sex. sex is just a few minutes of fun.

    don't look down on yourself please

  • 2 months ago

    time to start....

    what are you waiting for...

    lemon

  • 2 months ago

    There's still time. Start by joining a class. Working out, art, music, or anything else you can be alone at. Maybe go to a comic con and enter a costume contest. Sign up to volunteer at an event.

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  • 2 months ago

    Try not to be what others expect you to be but just be yourself. Not everyone desires a big social life and many prefer to live quiet and humble lives. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You just sound a bit lonely so I suggest you join a group, club etc. that has similar interests. Your hairstyle should just be what you want, not what others expect if you. Trying to please others only brings unhappiness. Look at what you want to do, your interests etc. and make plans to expand on those. If you want more social contact then join a community voluntary organisation. This could be people focussed or even for environmental concerns. Either way you will meet many people seeking to further their own social contacts there and make more friends. Dress how you feel makes you feel comfortable. Be yourself, smile and be accepting of others different to yourself.

  • d00ney
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Social skills cannot be engendered on a whim, I don’t believe that you are interested in sport and have no social skills. You might not have been interested in socialising. You have been to college and doubtless you have had the opportunities. What you have done, and we all tend to do it, and that is confirm the stereo type others make of us. We tend to be put in a mould, and it can be hard to break out of it.

    The easiest way, if it is open to you is to change location. Change everything. Change your address, change your work, change your attire.

    Now things that sound easy to do are often hard to implement. At thirty seven it may not be so easy to change your job. I would venture that few people increase their circle of friends as they age, and those that do it is usually the result of their children making friends and they meet the parents of their children’s friends, be it neighbours or from school.

    I also reckon that one can only socialise within one’s comfort zone. Once you step outside your comfort zone, then you lack confidence, your are reticent, you are shy, you are uncertain and meeting people is the last thing you actually want to do. One of the most useful things is a common topic of knowledge. I take it that now sport has not the same appeal as it had in your college days, but surely your knowledge and interest is still there. Take any sport you care to mention, especially if it is to be televised, and people will talk at length before the match, during the match, and after the match. If you can rattle off names and statistics so much the better.

    Also don’t ignore your own anecdotes, you must have some other than being voted the ugliest girl in the class. To paraphrase Orwell, ‘All women are beautiful, but some are more beautiful than others.’ One can see many a fat lady with a less than desirable face, pushing a kid in a buggy and another in tow and wonder, ‘How did that happen?’ Believe me, from what I have seen from the mirror and beyond ugliness is the norm, rather than the exception. Fortunately most people don’t give a fig and make out that on the stage of life, they are the star.

    You may find it useful to join a dance class. As a precursor you may want to join a gym class. You know the sort of thing where some fit and agile youngster cavorts away while a bunch of would be keep fitters puff and sweat before her. Now there are people who like to talk, simply let people talk to you, and don’t be upset if nobody does. The golden rule is that you do not unburden yourself, not that you would, but I say it as I believe it is easier to do than one may imagine and is the quickest way to loose friends.

    Now I have suggested these activities because of your sporting past, and it seems to me that you would be comfortable doing them, and if that is the case, you will be comfortable with the company and they are more likely to accept you, and feeling that you are accepted is a vital component of socialising, and developing relationships.

    You have had the ugly duckling experience. Now it is time to preen your feathers and be the swan.

    • Em2 months agoReport

      Thanks so much for all the effort you have put into typing this, its really good of you to do for me/a stranger on the internet : ) I will def take your advice on board.

  • 2 months ago

    I was like you, and I'm 31. I struggled with appearance and social skills a good chunk of my life.

    You can watch YouTube vlogs of fashion/ lifestyle/ travel vloggers (they don't have to be mega famous), and follow those whose style you like and can easily do yourself?

    Also watch how they interact with their friends and identify what makes it relatable to you - are they the kind of friends you imagine having when you were a child and maybe were more confident? People that reminds you of close family will likely be friends due to the familiarity and comfortableness.

    • NPG Starlett2 months agoReport

      Well, this strategy worked for me, and until I started following Youtubers, I didn't even have a sense of identity, really.

  • 2 months ago

    37 isnt even half of your life you can still go do anything you want

  • 2 months ago

    Sounds like me in some ways. I grew up with a bunch of boy neighbors and I too am tomboyish. I’d rather be that than some stuck up girl who thinks she’s prettier than everyone else lol. I’m still a tomboy and rarely dress up. On certain occasions I will do my hair but for the most part it’s up in a bun. I’m married and have a son, so if I can do it you can too lol. Maybe be a bit more social at work or whatever. It’s hard for me to make friends because I catch vibes off people and I’d rather turn most people down for friendships then be miserable and what not around them. I have a select few best friends. Maybe if you start a new job you can try and be different?

  • 2 months ago

    College educated, fit, athletic, tomboy. I think there are guys who definitely like that type ... a lot. But, for whatever reason, you chose not to pay attention or to make the first move. See a therapist and figure out what's going on. I'm not so sure you need a makeover. You are best at being you, but I think you need to address the low self esteem that has left you without a social life. I think there's a lot for you to sort out, and you would benefit a lot from working with a therapist.

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