What can i say to him or her, or do i say nothing?

My boyfriend mother is married..not that it matters, but its not his father. Anyways, she's constantly having him do things for her that her husband can and should be doing. She's told me personally he does nothing. He doesn't work, gets money from his mother to support himself only, lets his mom wash his clothes,and he does absolutely nothing around the house to help out. No cleaning dishes, no cleaning up period and no mowing the lawn. My boyfriend works, mows the lawn, brings food home sometimes when she gets mad because her husband has pissed her off. He also washes the dishes,sweep,mop,cleans the bathroom,washes her truck,watches the house when she has somewhere she wants to go,oh and did i mention he never has any money leftover for himself or us because every 2 weeks their is a "bill" that needs to be paid? She promised him she would pay his car note(325) if he paid hers (175), until she got some extra money....a month and a half went by and she fussed at him for them taking his car asking why he didnt save money...Shes always back n forth with him..nice sometimes and evil other times. He asks like he's blind. She used to talk about him, calling him names to me and while he's in front of me. I stopped going down there for almost 4 months until i got my car and was able to visit him regularly. Anyways, its his mom and he should talk to her but he won't because he's obviously afraid. What should i do?

6 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    I really wish you had given your age. We don't know if you're 15 or 30. It doesn't change the answer, but it gives it context.

    You'd be insane to get involved in this. His mom is an idiot to run her home like this, but it's her home and she gets to be as idiotic as she wants.

    Back to your age. I agree with Rick's answer if your bf is a grown man. In fact, this is a red flag for your relationship, because a real man wouldn't cater to mommy like this knowing mommy can ditch the loser any time she wants. If your bf is a minor at home, though, this isn't a red flag. There's nothing he can do about any of this either, except keep talking to his mom and politely pointing she's an idiot. I doubt this changes anything, though.

    • Mississippi9 months agoReport

      It's wayyyy more details but of course i fear the attack of several others.

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  • Angie
    Lv 4
    9 months ago

    Your boyfriend's financial arrangements with his mother are none of your business. It would be different if the two of you were legally married or if he were using money from a joint bank account that the two of you share and contribute to. As far as the household responsibilities,again, not really your concern. This is between your boyfriend and his mother. Be supportive of your boyfriend, but stay out of his relationship and domestic arrangement with his mother. You cannot control your boyfriend, and your boyfriend cannot control his mother. His mother can ask or demand until she is blue in the face, but your boyfriend ultimately makes the decision on whether or not he gives into those demands. Until he decides he is fed up with his current arrangement, there is nothing you can do. Best thing you can do is keep your hand out of that hornet's nest. In the meantime, if you are not getting what you need out of the relationship, perhaps you should reconsider the relationship. 

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  • 9 months ago

    i would just stay out of it and let her deal with it

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  • 9 months ago

    You say nothing. Your boyfriend is not an idiot. He knows he is taking care of his Mom and is making her a priority in his life. If you can't deal with that, you need to move on and find someone else.

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  • 9 months ago

    Don't be his champion. If the man is afraid of his mother, lives with her, acts like her son, had chores, maybe far more chores that YOU think he ought to have, gives her more money than YOU think he ought to give her..... this is information for you. He's totally not ready for whatever relationship you THINK he ought to be available to have until HE kicks himself into gear and creates a different life for himself. In other words, you don't live with him, you two are not actively planning a marriage and his relationship with his MOM is HIS own business!! If you don't like it, don't approve of it and find it demeaning.... Say it once, break up with him, let him solve his own problems. He needs to be his OWN Champion. You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of trouble if you think that YOU need be his champion for him. No. That's the wrong way to choose a mate. It's the way to choose the wrong mate. Don't do it.

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  • Rick B
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    If your boyfriend (not your husband) won't stand up to his mother and stop being used, then you should move on and find yourself a real man.

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