Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Proposal?

Long story short. My bf and I have been together for a year now and have talked about marriage and our future together. We are planning on having me move in with him and that's what we are currently testing by having me stay for a week or so. Anyway, we were laying here while he was about to go to work and he read something on Facebook that was funny and had something to do with marriage and proposing and he showed me and said "can I upgrade to that package?" (The meme was a bf texting a gf and the girl replied about "if you want this then you have to upgrade the package from gf to wife and purchase a ring and place it on the 4th finger on my left hand") He playfully jokes about marriage with me sometimes like "can we get married?" And he's looking up at me and cuddling me. He even said a few days ago while we were talking about proposing, he said "someday. Maybe soon" I'm just confused on why he continues to talk about it or even joking about it and nothing has happened. I understand work is stressful and being an adult so I haven't really got onto him about anything. There's no point, so what's your opinion? Does he want to get married? Is he going to propose soon?

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    You've only been together for a year and you don't even officially live together yet. So even if he were willing to put a ring on your finger tomorrow you simply haven't yet built the foundation for a marriage to work out. Sounds like you're doing all the right things by trying cohabitation and discussing the future. But there's a reason why the most successful marriages result from relationships that lasted at least two years before the question was popped. Be patient and you'll win in the end.

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  • .
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    He sounds open to the possibility, but not ready to take the step. We can only guess, because we don't know him.

    Dating 1 yr is not that long in the scheme of things, so I wouldn't push marriage BUT if marriage is important to you then you at least need to know whether or not he's open to the idea, so you can move on if he's not. You say yourself you two have talked about it, so I fail to understand why you are polling strangers about his interest. You two living together will give you both a good idea of how compatible you are on a day to day basis (some couples get along wonderfully UNTIL they move in together, others move in together and gel right away).

    Live together for a year or so, and then evaluate whether marriage seems like a good idea. Are you two compatible with how you view and spend money? Do you have compatible housekeeping habits? Can you live together and balance your quality time without smothering one another or invading the other person's privacy? Do you have compatible views on having kids (and how to raise them if you both want them)?

    NOBODY here can read his mind. We do not know if he wants to marry or if/when he will propose. YOU have been dating him a year. If you have no idea, how do you expect internet strangers to know more than you?

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  • 8 months ago

    Two years, not one year. Two years.

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    • seedy history
      Lv 7
      8 months agoReport

      Science has long held that it takes two years to see a person for who THEY are instead of who we want them to be on our lives. It's held that one of the reasons youthful marriages so often fail is that they wed too soon. Being in love and being ready to wed .. not the same thing.

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  • 8 months ago

    I have found guys with no intention of being married would not raise the subject so often. Relax.

    • Kami8 months agoReport

      I have been relaxing and not bringing up the subject. Honestly, he brings it up a little more often then I do, but it's usually just when he's being playful and joking around 

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  • Amelia
    Lv 6
    8 months ago

    If you're testing how you feel about living together, it makes perfect sense that he would want to wait until after that test to propose.

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  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    most likely he is if he's teasing you about it but you need to nicely speak to him that you don't find it funny when he jokes about it as the topic is a life changing decision which should be taken seriously

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    • Kami8 months agoReport

      It's not that he isn't sure of his own feelings. Personal stuff happened between us throughout the year.. May I ask why you think he's not sure of his own feelings and is leading me on?

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  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    If you two are headed for marriage, then you two need to get started with the hard work of preparing for marriage. NOT planning your wedding -- preparing for a lifetime commitment to mutual support, mutual respect. If two aren't ready to go over each other's finances together every week (pay stubs, saving and checking accounts, credit card bills, cash receipts), to spend a lot of time with each other's families and pitch in with the family responsibilities of each other's families, to work out "rules of the house" like whether people can just drop in or need to call first, whether it's necessary to check with your partner before inviting people over, and so on. It's not the bended knee and ring thing that tells you your sweetheart is serious about marriage, ready for marriage -- it's the years of hard work in which the couple determines "Now that we're sure we WANT to get married, we need to know whether this marriage would be happy and lasting, need to know whether there are fundamental differences that would get in the way of the marriage working."

    Along with that, please don't try to have it both ways. I find it laughably ridiculous when a pair has determined to marry, is exclusive, socializes as if they were a couple, expects to be invited together like a couple, expects to be recognized as "significant other" rather than mere boyfriend-girlfriend -- but insists "We're NOT engaged." If you're not married or engaged, then you're SINGLE. If you want to be regarded as a couple, then BECOME a couple -- get engaged.

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  • 8 months ago

    Idk my now ex and I talked marriage after a year. Make 100% sure he is the one. You really need to get to know someone on a deeper level.

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  • A.J.
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    You can propose to him.

    I read a problem of avoidance of commitment. "Someday. Maybe soon. [maybe never]"

    purgatory - (in Roman Catholic doctrine) a place or state of suffering inhabited by the souls of sinners who are expiating their sins before going to heaven.

    In general use English, being in purgatory is an annoying extended situation where you do know whether there will be success or failure.

    "Sh!t or get off the pot." - vulgar slang. used to convey that someone should stop wasting time and get on with something.

    He's being childish and obviously not ready for a commitment of marriage and does not realize that the talking about it is frustrating to you. You can either confront him, or totally ignore it. So far, you have an only an implied fidelity unless it is stated.

    Add - I thought of another possibility. He is not financially ready to buy a ring that would please you. If you have hinted or given an impression that an engagement ring must be expensive, he could be saving up for one. Or, he is embarassed or shy about an inexpensive engagement ring, or, the time from engagement to wedding cannot be a long time. Engagements can last a short time or a very long time. He may have short engagement period in mind.

    • Kami8 months agoReport

      No.. He already said he wouldn't want me to propose to him because he wants to propose to me

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