How to deal with a homophobic family?
Yes hello I am a young gay and my family is openly homophobic (i.e. rants on and on about how Ellen shouldn t have a show, going off on couples in public.) I m not out yet and I m still in high school so should I come out now and deal with it, or never come out, or come out when I m older or what? also is there a way for me to prepare for their response?
- Big MamaLv 610 months ago
Don't come out, it's not worth it. I'm an atheist surrounded by devoted Catholic Christians, and I've always pretended to believe in God in front of them. I know there's no point in trying to explain to them why I don't believe in God(s) of any sort. They won't understand it, and I'll end up frustrated.
- Pompous HarrisLv 510 months ago
Your family sound like decent people and you should cease this nonsense that will upset them and start acting normally.Source(s): Many pompous years
- reme_1Lv 710 months ago
You need to go to the gay center, talk to the counselor and meet other kids your age. It is important that you get strong inside- specially to deal with your parents' ignorance. Make sure you meet adults who are gay and out and who have a car- just in case you need a ride. On the day you come out your parents might go ballistic and you might need someone to come get you. Keep a bag packed, with some cash, your phone and charger, etc. Just be prepared. I have read about parents throwing young teens out in to the night without money, a phone, clothes.
If you can wait until you are in 12 th grade so you know there isn't that much more time to go. Talk to your school counselor about your home situation. Contact PFLAg.org - a wonderful support group of mostly parents with LGBT kids who reach out to other parents. You can get some info from them for your folks and they can also call them. Cover all your bases. When you do come out be strong. Don't break down because they will think it is a phase. You have to be strong inside, tell them you love them and need their support. I wish I could rescue all you kids in religious homes. My heart goes out to you. HUGS from a SENIOR lesbian
- FredLv 710 months ago
My recommendation would be to stay in the closet until you are old enough to support yourself. Half of dad's ranting may be to show you he does not want a gay son so he makes you feel as so you must be straight. Generally dads who hate gays have this stupid belief that gays just decided to be gay and fail to understand it is the mix of the Parents Chromosomes that make a person gay if they received a wrong chromosome.
I know it hurts having to hide your sexuality but if dad is that bad there is a good chance he will be extremely angry when he finds out and a few parents still disown their kids who are gay.
It will likely all turn out ok in the end but I don't think dad will talk to you for a while. As soon as he realises you are gay likely he will ban male friends from being in your bedroom believing you 2 would be having sex in there. He may refuse to do any more than feed you and pay basic bills such as school fees and may not even pay for you to go to college limiting your future. He could go to extremes and actually throw you out of the home and tell you to never come back. I know one gay guy who has been left out of the family will so he will inherit nothing when his parents die.
For now be careful. Delete your computer history after any time you look at gay porn, and it may be a good Idea to have a few girl porn pics on the computer so if anyone goes through your computer they will think you are straight. Do not keep any porn pictures of males on the computer and resist the urge to hide any on a thumb drive. Brothers can be very nosey and look through your computer when you are out to see what porn you look at. Your computer should always look as so you look at pics of sexy young females so if dad hears a rumour you may be gay and looks through your computer it will look as so you are straight.
Be careful for now as I don't think it is a good time to come out. As you get older you may feel you are in control of your life enough to risk coming out to family.
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- BillLv 610 months ago
sometimes a bomb in a family is very effective in clearing the air and in changing peoples views on subjects
The result to you will be the same if you "out " now or a lot later. Better the sooner because it then gives them time to reassess their views on a subject of which they know nothing
- Sasha WhitefurLv 710 months ago
It's best to wait until you are 18
- xxx000auLv 710 months ago
I see most nights on the evening TV news yet another young man appearing in court on serious charges. His could be murder, armed robbery, rape or even torture while often the victim is the old and frail or young including children.
At such a court appearance you will also see the family of the accused, there to offer moral support to their family member and this is so regardless of what standing the accused comes from in society. Their loyalty will remain despite them sitting through the evidence and even if the accused is convicted.
If asked why there they will explain that they are family and family stick together.
Maybe when such an event is played out on your TV you could ask the same question of your own parents, why do those people go to court and support that boy?
Later when you come out and they turn on you, you can then say you understand them. You could remind them of the above question and their answer and then say what they are telling you is if you had just told them you had kidnapped, raped, tortured and killed a 5 year old, they could still walk around with their heads held high, but no not if you have a willing same sex partner.
- TjLv 710 months ago
Wait until you finish all schooling and have a good job, and you have moved out on your own. You also never have to tell them.
- ElisabethLv 510 months ago
You need girlfriend.
- SpeedLv 710 months ago
The best time to come out is when you do not depend on the support of the people you're coming out to.
Usually that means both financial and emotional support. That's one reason many gay people wait until they're working, or are in college and can pay their own way with student loans with a reasonable expectation of getting a job quickly when they graduate.
You have to prepare yourself for the worst-case scenario, in which your family changes the locks and pretends you are not theirs. Of course that's unlikely to happen, but it sometimes does, and you need to be okay if that's the way it plays out.
In your situation, I'd probably be protecting myself starting now. I'd work part time and summers, socking that money away for my future in a bank account to which my parents have no access. I'd ask for money for gift giving occasions, too. Having enough to rent a small apartment and supply yourself with the basics is vital if they throw you out.
Also vital is being able to get at your own stuff. A hate-filled parent may withhold your access to your xBox, winter coat, or whatever else gives them power over you. It's important to keep that stuff with you before you come out. Expect them to cut off your cell phone plan.
Also consider what happens if you don't come out but are discovered, even though you've been discrete. Do you have a place to go?