How to deal with my anger towards my stepson?
So my stepson is a senior in high school and I am at my wit's end with this kid! His real mom died when he was little. I have been married to his dad since he was 6. He HATES me because I have high expectations for him unlike his dad and the rest of his family. He will not talk to me and gets mad at me for everything from just walking into the same room as him or when I ask him to do something, or redo something he did incorrectly. He also has no friends. I've tried making him go to counseling with me, but he refused to listen to the counselor when the counselor said he had to spend time with me. He has also told me he's hated me on multiple occasions. He is off to college next year and I can hardly wait!!
I love his father dearly, but hate that he lets his son get by with treating me so horribly! My husband says that because he gets good grades, has had same job for 2 years etc, that it isn't a "big deal" that he doesn't unload the dishwasher correctly or speak first when he walks into a room or when I walk into a room. This is the ONLY thing my husband and I ever fight over but again, I am at my wit's end with this kid and I still have to live with him for another year! Help!
- 9 months ago
you don't understand the pressure that comes with having a step mother. Remember that YOU cane into their lives not the other way around. Imagine having your mother die and trying to cope with no knowing her memory or the way her voice sounds or anything in between. It is selfish of you to want him to go away, you aren't the victim here. As the adult grow up and let him cope with his emotions. At the end of the day this is his family, his father is his blood and turning them against each other so that you can get more attention and dick from him is DISGUSTING. I hope he goes off to college and does amazing things and you WORK FOR HIM ONE DAY. xoxo <3
- JosaLv 69 months ago
Well, your husband needs a boot in the rear! He thinks that just because his son has good grades and holds down a job he can display inappropriate behavior and be disrespectful? He has no respect for you either! You are fighting an uphill battle. You will not come out the winner. It has gone on too long. It seems you've done everything for the boy that you can. Just because he's gone off to school does not mean you'll not be treated this way any longer. You may try to sit down with your husband AGAIN, I'm sure, and tell him how you feel. If it were me there would be an ultimatum.....straighten up or I'm out of here. Life is too short! The boy will have a lot of problems when he's on his own and he will have to take the consequences when he acts like that to others and deal with it on his own. Too bad he didn't choose to take advantage of your help a long time ago. I feel for you. I suggest you go by yourself to the counselor and learn some coping skills and how to take care of yourself. Good luck!!Source(s): 25 years in the social services field
- LayneLv 59 months ago
Control causes resentment, consideration is not a rabbit hole.
- zipperLv 69 months ago
YOUR TROLLING AGAIN! NOT VERY NICE ANONYMOUS: NOT NICE AT ALL!
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- Anonymous9 months ago
I don't know what kind of expectations you have, for him. I think if it's not realistic, and not interesting to him then you should back off.
Forcing your will on another human being can become a problem, and I don't know if there is a way to fix it after it's done. The counselor that you saw is incompetent. I think the counselor should be working with you, and only you.
I believe the cause of your problem is you.
I didn't read anything that gives me the impression you have high expectations, for him. Him doing chores incorrectly, and then you asking him to redo it correctly is more like you teaching him basic life skills.
If you walked into a room, or I walked into a room then do you think I am going to say something to you, or do you expect me to say something to you?
I might not say something to you. Maybe because I don't have anything to say, or perhaps I don't like you, so I think the conversation is going to remain dead unless someone chooses to say something.
- FoofaLv 79 months ago
When a child loses a parent at an early age and doesn't receive the proper grief counseling it can affect them for life. It's also not uncommon for the remaining parent to take pity on the kid and not put many demands on them. Chances are that once this kid matures into a man he'll see the benefits in the effort you put into him. But TBH his behavior doesn't sound that outside the ordinary for kids his age. Teens are a hassle, they just are.
- TjLv 79 months ago
Get off his back. He gets good grades, he works, going to college. You have a problem with unloading the dishwasher. I think you are the problem. Im sure he cannot wait to go to college. You are his step mother, step back.
- AnnLv 79 months ago
You should have thought twice about marrying someone with a child, if you weren't ready to love that child unconditionally. You admit that you go around "correcting and redoing things he does incorrectly". Your attitude that you and you alone have "high expectations of him" says that you feel you're better than members of his biological family. I'm sure this boy is as ready to leave home and get away from you as you are ready for him to leave. It sounds as if your attitude is "my way or the highway". You are not the boy's mother, and you continually remind him that you don't love him by projecting to him that he isn't allowed to make mistakes, he has to conform to your level of expected perfection, and your rigid rules for him. Now I'm certain that you don't accept any responsibility for the flaws in this relationship, but just who is supposed to be the mature person in this relationship? If you continue to try to force him to conform to your "rules", it's very understandable that he dislikes the way he's treated. Have you ever considered how he must feel when he's continually badgered? His father is absolutely correct when he says his son has demonstrated that he can be a responsible person. He gets good grades and he's held a job for two years. You're the one who needs to go to counseling, and find out why you feel the need to attack this young man on every facet of his life, and also to explore why you have such a vicious outlook on life. I'm wondering about how you were raised, and how your parents treated you when you were a child. Obviously, you don't know much at all about unconditional love, which is what parents--even stepparents-- are supposed to give to a child of any age. My children are in their 50's, and they've made mistakes as have I and every other person on earth. There is nothing any of them would ever do--no matter how bad it was--that would make me stop loving them. I'm just sorry that the boy's father chose you to live in the house with his son. The boy deserved better. He's the one who needs help.
- Pearl LLv 79 months ago
not much you can do about it, he'll be gone soon
- nannyf2Lv 49 months ago
This young man lost his beloved Mother at a young age and you came into his life at the tender and vulnerable age of only 6. Have you ever thought he misses his Mum and has never gotten over that. Probably all he wants from you is a soft voice, a hug once in awhile so he feels wanted and loved. I suggest you lighten up on him and show him some affection and be a friend instead of bossing him around all the time.