Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 3 weeks ago

How long is too long to wait for proposal? ?

I'm in my early 30s and BF is 6 years my senior. Neither of us married before. Both have good jobs, sustained homes on our own (now live together) get along great and have discussed marriage, family, future... etc. 

I've made it clear that I will not proceed with purchasing a home together, joining finances or starting a family until after marriage. All things he tells me he wants almost daily.

We have been dating for two years in the same situation. His mom and sisters have brought up rings to me, and I don't quite care about that as I do about being able to make bigger life moves together once we are married. 

How long is too long to wait? 

I've debated asking him but everyone says is emasculating. 

Update:

to clarify: we HAVE had this conversation and we are  on the same page about marriage and both want to be married.

When I asked others about asking him to marry me, proposing, they said dont. that it is emasculating. 

13 Answers

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  • 3 weeks ago

    If you want children, the clock is ticking. Tell him to set the date within the year, or let him go

  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Do NOT buy a house together until you are married!  Ask him when he wants to get married - if he hasn't asked by this time, then maybe he really doesn't want to marry you.

  • 3 weeks ago

    1 to 2 years. Anything longer you are being strung along.

  • 3 weeks ago

    It's crazy that his mom and sisters have brought up rings to you. That's over the line. I think two years, depending on how long you've lived together, is fine. It seems you have a ticking clock but you haven't waited into your 30's to start a family of 6, right? My suggestion is that you make this more of you and your bf's business and NOT whomever "everyone" is (it's not their business) and not his Mom and Sister (cause it's not their business) and keep this between you and the man you hope to wed. Two years isn't too short but it isn't too long either. Science tells us that it takes that long to see a person for who they are instead of who we want them to be in our lives and that people should not wed any sooner. Science suggests that two years is in the starting base! Not the last straw. Nothing "emasculating" about asking a man to marry you.

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  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    No, proposing is a very bad idea.  It might be somewhat emasculating, but there are 2 much bigger problems.  It short circuits communication and you're focusing on the wrong things. 

    You didn't come out and say this, but it sounds like you're not even sure he wants to marry you.   He's saying the right things, but a guy who truly wants to marry knows exactly what to do.  That's the problem here, not the timeline.  

    You are overdue to have a serious, fully honest convo with him.   Don't talk about proposal, ring, wedding, etc. This is surface level and gives him an easy out.   There's even a term for a guy who proposes to get you off his back:  it's a "shut her up" ring.

    So your goal isn't to be engaged.  Your goal needs to be to learn exactly where he sees you in his future, and whether marriage is part of this.   You get big props for not giving him the "trappings" of marriage until you're married, but in a way, living together is one of them.   People should not do this until their communication is mature, open and honest.   Yours isn't and your question proves this.  Don't talk to friends and his family.   Talk to HIM.

  • I would say that if you were in your mid 20s your could be patient.  But if you want a family then obviously your window is getting smaller so you need to make a decision. 

    Tell him that you are going to start looking for an apartment and plan to move out.  When he asks why, tell him that while you have discussed marriage, he has shown no interest in actually making that commitment.  And you have no interest in staying with someone who is not going to marry you.  In other words, if you no longer want to be strung along then it is time to call him on it.

  • Ricky
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    Men no longer marry anymore

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    It's "emasculating" to have a direct and honest conversation with your partner about their life goals and time-frame for achieving such in order to determine your compatibility?

    Funny, two years ago you were complaining that your boring, dead-beat bf is divorced, living with his mummy and won't help you pay your bills.

    Troll smarter, not harder, "Jane".

    If after six years the two of you actually want to be married, you'd simply agree to get married and get on with it.   No proposal is necessary.    Behavior speaks louder than words.   People who truly want to be married get married. 

    • Jane3 weeks agoReport

      I've been told it's emasculating for a woman to propose to a man, not to have a conversation. sorry you misunderstood.

  • 3 weeks ago

    You could and should have that conversation, now.   Enough time has passed, and you are at a crossroads.  Its NOT emasculating to ask for sincere and honest answers to your concerns.  Apparently, he's content with having all that he already has and shares with you?  Now is the time for you to make a choice, and if he isn't game for marriage , while you find it important, well, you know the answer. Good wishes, and good luck,

  • Linda
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    It isn't emasculating. Say to him, do you think it's about time to have a ceremony to make this legal? He will no doubt agree and then set a date. Some guys will put it off due to fear of ruining a good thing.

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