Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Should I let this bother me about sharing furniture that my husband and his ex wife had?

I’ve been married to my husband for almost 6 months. I moved into his house that he shared with his ex wife and 2 kids for 7 years because we can’t really afford a new one right now. Anyway, he has a mattress that is super comfortable and it doesn’t make me feel weird until I start thinking about him and her sharing it. I don’t want us to have to sell it because it sleeps really good. We’ve changed sheets on it so it makes it feel like ours. We also have the same couches and recliner that they had. I’m not sure if I should sell them or not because like I said, it’s expensive to do all of that. I mean, should a couch or bed be replaced if the ex is gone? I have put my touch on the house, and am going to paint soon. He did tell me that she was hardly ever home while they were together so that made me feel a little better, but I feel like they picked the furniture out together. He tells me a couch is a couch and it has no sentimental value on it whatsoever. Same with bed. How can I make this house feel like mine with the furniture still here? Any advice? I’m okay with it being here, but it bothers me sometimes. She shares a lot of memories of her kids on Facebook with the same furniture in the background. Should that bother me?

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  • Linda
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago
    Best answer

    It should not bother you that much about the ex having slept on that bed before and having to use her old furniture or be bothered about past memories on Facebook. Just look at the furniture as you and your husbands now and try to forget the memories of what was between them. Be lucky you have him and she lost him.

  • 4 weeks ago

    It's yours now. I sure wouldn't go out & buy all new furniture if it was me! Are you wanting to go buy another house too? They picked it out together as well I'm assuming. They are divorced.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I totally get why this bothers you.   What's a little strange is you didn't deal with this before moving in or getting married.   When my stepmom married my dad, she was adamant that they start their marriage in a new place with mostly new stuff.

    On what to do, the only thing I can come up with is prioritize the things that bother you most and then attack them in order.  If it's the couch, look on craigslist.   Every now and then, you can find killer deals with a barely used couch. In fact, you can get good deals on all used furniture, including end tables and lamps.   Be patient, get stuff you truly like and then you can recoup some of that money by selling the stuff you have now.

    Also, it sounds like your husband could be a bit more understanding.   Maybe you need to be a bit more firm!  Remind him that women have a strong nesting instinct, and your feelings are perfectly normal.   On the bed, ask him outright how he'd feel if he was using a bed you had shared with someone you love.  

  • mmm
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    you slowly replace things, if you cannot afford to buy new

    the mattress, for me, would be the first to go - for now get one of those mattress pads

    hint: stop looking at things that bother you - if she is sharing these memories, she probably is regretting the divorce and would like him back

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  • P
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Furniture is furniture.  If it works for you for now, just let it be otherwise save up to replace it when it makes sense for you both.  When you move in his home that's something you have to accept since those are his things now, not hers.  Otherwise if you go through her facebook posts instead of unfriending or putting her posts on ignore you are doing it to yourself.  If you can't handle seeing her posts without an emotional reaction to it (I certainly couldn't) then it's almost sadistic and self harming on your part to continue to read them.    

  • 4 weeks ago

    I don't know what you "should" do. I'd be saving money up to replace the mattress though. Since you are, 6 months into this marriage, struggling with how to feel about it and what to do about it..... I'd be saving up the money to replace that mattress.  And if hate the furniture, I'd be saving up the money to someday replace that too. If you don't hate the furniture, keep in mind that .. if you think THEY picked it out together... it was your husband that picked it out too. If you don't hate it, live with it! 

    There is nothing wrong with the kids feeling at home and comfortable and familiar at Dad's house. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Why are you asking strangers if something should bother you or if furniture should be replaced?

    If you're mature enough to marry a man with an ex-wife and kids, you ought to be mature enough to deal with (or replace) a mattress or couch without advice from the peanut gallery on Yahoo. 

    Stop looking at her FB page.

    I smell our resident "Why" troll. 

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