What to do if my husband doesn’t believe in compromise?

When I say compromise I mean that we seek to make decisions together that we are both 100% satisfied with. I believe that this is the way marriage should be, but my husband disagrees. He is very religious, and believes that the Bible teaches that whenever a husband and wife disagree, then it is the wife’s responsibility to submit to her husband. In other words, a wife should always go with what her husband wants in areas of disagreement. But I don’t think this is quite right. I do believe that couples should make sacrifices for each other, but I don’t believe in one spouse always getting their way without being willing to consider their partner. For example, he thinks that if he wants another kid but I want to wait, it is my duty to have another kid anyway because that’s what God would want me to do. Anytime I say I disagree, he just says that I can’t back up my position with the Bible but he can. It’s like my desires don’t matter, even though he says they do. I’m not sure I can truly be happy living this way. But when I’m feeling down about it he says I have to choose to be happy, because this is God’s way and the Bible commands us to be happy. As though I can turn on happiness like the flip of a switch regardless of how he treats me! It’s really frustrating and depressing. How can we make our marriage work when we disagree so strongly on HOW marriage should work?

19 Answers

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  • Clive
    Lv 7
    2 weeks ago

    What does this have to do with personal finance?

  • 3 weeks ago

    You should have known that before you married him.

  • 3 weeks ago

    If there is ANY decision that you are both 100% satisfied with, it IS NOT a compromise. Compromise means you are both willing to accept something NEITHER of you is 100% happy with.

    Short answer: YOU are not willing to compromise.

  • John
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Divorce him so he knows how you compromise.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Drag him in for counseling with his Priest, I think he'd probably have some different interpretations.     

  • Judy
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Compromise does NOT mean that either party is 100% satisfied with the decision, just that it's something each can live with. But that said, his idea that he always gets his way is ridiculous. Did you know this before you married him? In little things like what restaurant to eat at, it might not be worth arguing over. But big things like having another child should require both people to agree.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Compromise means you come to an agreement that's ok between you, not that both of you are 100% happy.

  • 3 weeks ago

    Keep God out of your relationship...sounds like your husband is a bigot in Christian clothing...

    If he legitimately feels it is your responsibility to submit to your husband's will...thats a serious problem and not much we can say to help you.  

    Tell him God told you to execute your first born (if you have kids or not) and you plan to do it...see how much faith he has in that instance...

    Tell him the Ephesians were animals, don't use 5:22 as the basis for what people of faith should actually follow.  Remind him that 6:5 is about slaves...does he think you are a slave?

  • 3 weeks ago

    Your husband is being selfish and irrational.  As you've made your point and he has rejected it, I don't think this situation is likely to change.

    From here, you have two options: you can try to control him through ultimatums, or you can leave.  I can't tell you how to live your life, but I have never seen a happy relationship result from ultimatums.  I've seen many people successfully move on to better, healthier relationships.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    Do what he tells you to do

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