Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 9 months ago

Do you think I should move off of my child's doctor?

My Autistic child has just begun to see a specialty doctor (2nd appt this evening) The Center for Children with Special Needs, CCSN. I really began to see this doctor because my son is a teenager now and I need to get help for signing legal papers for me to be able to sign papers for him and other things along the same lines. If I don't prepare this, when he turns 18 he'll have to fend for himself because he's an adult and he really can't handle these responsibilities. 

after meeting the doctor, it turned into something much more than I expected with physical examinations which says to me that I really need to have trust in this doctor.  

The first appt, he asked me about his GI issues, toilet training (he's still having issues with this) what he's learning in school.

Now the issues are these. First appt, the doctor after asking all these questions treated me like I'm this absent-minded parent who doesn't know exactly what is going on with my child as he responds to all my answers with, "hmm... let me back up what you said by asking his pediatrician. Then after asking me about his GI history, I gave him all the history. He responds to this by saying,


CONT... "hmm are you sure, yeahhh let me look into his history myself. Then he asks me about what are the exact services he's receiving at school, I tell him all the details and he responds, "hmmm let's do a 3-way call with his teacher in the near future". On the second appt, where there are now others in the room, he asks me the same questions but at this point, I've lost esteem. He states, he's 14, I said he's 15, oh he's going to BE 15, I said NO HE'S 15.

Update 2:

CONT 2...It's like everything I tell him he doesn't believe me or wants to override my responses by getting back up from others. Why ask me all this if you think I don't know my own child's history?

Update 3:

I feel that this doctor wants to omit the parent and only focus on my child and the professionals that he's had and still has. I don't want to work with a doctor who thinks my obsolete in my son's life.

Do you think I should move on? What do you think about this doctor?

Update 4:

@anonymous I am the key element in my sons care. If I don't give the okay or follow through with the plan in place, he fails. So yes, he does need to worry about my sensibilities and not treat me like I've no purpose or have anything to offer in his plans. He was treating me like it's pointless for me to be there. He couldn't even believe that I knew my own son's age.  

Update 5:

@Lapiz Dominoes thank you!

Update 6:

@Hot Coffee Light No Sugar Thank you so so so much. You made my eyes water. Thanks for being so kind. It is very hard work and it's nice to see someone acknowledge that in me. No one knows how hard it is unless they are raising a child with special needs. Thanks again! 

5 Answers

  • Favourite answer

    First of all, I want to commemorate you on being an excellent caregiver to your child. I have first-hand knowledge in my field of parents not caring in general about their child who is on the spectrum or simply don't reach out to get the knowledge that they need to properly care for their child. It's refreshing to hear that a parent is worried about their child's future and is actively taking the steps to protect and guide him or her. I also want to say that being a parent to a child who is Autistic is very hard work, emotionally and physically. Parents of standard children can release their job eventually but a parent of an autistic child is a lifetime commitment and that is why it's a pleasure to hear from those who actually care and are committed. 

    If you don't feel comfortable with the care that your child is getting then you should follow your intuition and move on. I'm sure he's not the only doctor there that you can see; try others out. You have no obligations to anyone one doctor!I do agree with you that getting the best care for your child is a team effort from not just the doctors and patients but from the parents as well. You are the ones who have him/her 24 hours a day that can fill in the doctor with better details than a doctor could ever do by seeing the patient once every few months. 

    Lastly, I see you got some unsavory comments from others, they don't know that a standard child is very different than an autistic child where the parent's input is crucial to the process. 

    Don't get discouraged, keep up the good work and don't let the frustration of some doctor appt's that hard to swallow. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    thats up to you if you want to switch doctors or not

  • 9 months ago

    I don't mean to be rude, but reading through your post for the second time, I do wonder whether the doctor found your lack of clear English difficult to handle. There were several points where I had to re-read two or three times to fully understand what you meant.

    Clearly English isn't your first language, and kudos to you for learning it, but in a detailed and often technical discussion, it is possible that the doctor wasn't always totally sure what you meant, didn't like to keep asking you to say it again, and fell back on the 'Of course I'll have to check all this on his records' line.

    Whatever the reason, don't forget that it's his job to double-check everything you said. Even mothers can make mistakes, or misremember a comment made by another doctor months earlier.As for the bit about your son's age, of course you would know, but the doctor was also looking at records and simply made a wrong calculation from the date noted there. I'm sure he didn't keep on insisting your son wasn't yet 15 after you had told him twice.

    It's clear that at that meeting, which I take it was a preliminary one, he had not yet had the opportunity to go through all the records, and was not at all familiar with your son's case. He needed to hear from you, of course, but he also needed to acquaint himself with the medical records as drawn up by other medical experts.

  • 9 months ago

    He sounds very thorough to me. Why are you asking anonymously?

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  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    Doctors will always read medical notes from other doctors and may consult them. This new doctor barely knows your son and wants to get some background information on him.

    His doctors are interested in his care, not worrying about offending your sensibilities.

    Update: You may be part of those plans now, perhaps they are planning for the long term, when you are no longer able to or  around  to care for him.

    At the end of the day if you don't like the doctor take your son to see another one. It's your money, it's your choice and you want the best care for him.

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