Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 11 months ago

Step daughter not wanting to love or hug me sometimes. (Can’t view previous post for some reason) ?

I have been married to my husband for almost 6 months. He has a 6 year old girl and 3 year old boy. I’ve known them for almost 2 years. They are so sweet and always gives me hugs and love. But lately, I only see the 6 year old girl on the weekends, so not very much. Some weekends she hugs me and is very loving and other weekends she won’t hug me. One weekend we dropped her off at her moms and the mom said to give me loves her for one and she says no or runs away from me and says no I don’t want one, but she will hug her dad. Then a couple of days later she’s hugging all on me. I always feel anxious whenever she comes because I don’t know what mood she’s going to be in. But anyway, does this sound like she’s just being a silly typical little girl or does she not like me? I worry about that a lot but I don’t want to. How can I stop worrying about it? Any advice? Thank you.

9 Answers

  • 11 months ago
    Favourite answer

    She has thoughts and feelings the same as anyone else.

    Sometimes she feels like hugging you, and sometimes she doesn't. 

    No big deal.

  • 10 months ago

    I think you are over-reacting here

    Children go through phases of "liking someone" and then "not liking someone', that's just how they are! She doesn't hate you, she has known you for 2 years, I would say she considers you to be part of her family, just because she doesn't always show it doesn't mean its not true.

    I have 4 nieces and nephews who are all 6 and younger, and the 3 oldest ones behave the exact same way your step-daughter does! I'm close with them all, but of course there are times where they will flat out tell me to leave the room etc. I don't take offense to it at all, they change moods constantly at that young of an age. My oldest niece used to hug everyone, and now that she's older, she doesn't do it as frequently as she used to.

    The worst thing you can do is force her to hug you OR show resentment when she elects not to! This is how you will drive her way, because you will make her feel pressured and uncomfortable, nobody wants to be forced to do something they don't want to do in the 1st place.

    I think you need to relax here and stop with this behaviour! Nothing has changed, she still looks up to you, she doesn't hate you, she still considers you family! That is NOT going to change, she doesn't have to hug you to prove that! 

    Sit back and let her come to you.

  • 10 months ago

    Id say give her space.

    Comment on behavior you want to see verses no

    Do th

  • LizB
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Her body is her own, she doesn't have to give hugs if she doesn't want to. I have a 6 year old and 19 month old (both biologically mine) and sometimes neither of them want to hug me, either. I don't force them or guilt them, they're allowed to say no. Sometimes it hurts my feelings a little, but I'm a grown-up FFS sake and can handle it having my feelings hurt by small children. They're little and still learning, while YOU are the adult and should stop reading so much into her behavior.

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  • 11 months ago

    maybe shes not used to you yet

  • 11 months ago

    There are any number of possible reasons.  Your own anxiety isn't helping -- trust me, she can tell you're anxious around her.  Worrying doesn't fix anything.  There are a few things you can try:

    1.  Ditch the worry and treat her like you always do.

    2.  Don't make the hug a big thing.  When a child sees that something is important, they also see they have power.  Let her hug or not.  It isn't that important in the whole scheme of things.  When she sees you are no longer making a thing out of it, the whole situation may change.

    3.  You and your husband sit down with her and have a calm conversation. Ask her if something is bothering her.  She may feel guilty for loving on you if you've "replaced" her mother in her father's life.  She may have a difficult time transitioning between households. 

    4.  Consider getting family counseling.  You are overly anxious and the child may have some issues she is far too young to work out on her own. Blended families often benefit from counseling.

  • 11 months ago

    She's a human being for G*d's sake, not a puppet. Do you always want to do whatever whenever someone else wants it? If she didn't like you, she wouldn't be hugging you at all, ever.

  • 11 months ago

    "Silly typical little girl"? That's a weird way to think of any child. Children are all different.

    I think your attitude and anxiety are obvious this child, and you're making her anxious in return. The world doesn't revolve around you. Stop creating unrealistic expectations about how people should act and behave around you, particularly these children who are being shuffled from house to house for reasons they can't understand.

  • Anonymous
    11 months ago

    You’ve already asked this one.

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