Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Partner keeping memento from love affair?

We have been together for 3 years now and for the first half of it, my partner was maintaining emotional attachments with people she met before me. There was one person in particular who had been in her life for at least 6 years and I saw emails and text messages that she sent to this particular one during the time we were still together. I confronted her and said that I shouldn't have to put up with it. Eventually, she stopped communicating with that person (as far as I can tell). But she keeps mementos, particularly one where she drew said person for a comic in which she wished to make her into a superhero. Had this been done prior to us being together, maybe I wouldn't be bothered by it. But she drew it after she was already with me and after having told me that she felt that person was her soulmate. This drawing, although not on display anywhere in the house, bothers me and she knows and refuses to be rid of it. Am I being wrong for thinking that she still has feeling for this other person because of her refusal to get it of mementos from someone who has caused so much hurt? P.s. Our intimate life has been non-existent ever since she stopped communicating with that woman plus some other people.

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  • 4 weeks ago
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    That's so rough, I'm sorry you are having to deal with that.  When in a relationship, you want, and need to know that your partner is at the same level you are. Emotionally, you're steady, and she seems flighty.  It's completely legitimate for you to be bothered by mementos of this "soulmate" that got away.  Who wouldn't be?  Long story short, you don't deserve to be any less than someone's soulmate.  And if you're not hers, then she's not yours, and you're not getting what you need from this relationship.  I would be flat out honest and tell her exactly that.  If keeping a drawing is worth more than causing you emotional pain, then she has no place taking up any more of your time, energy, and care.  

    • Billy4 weeks agoReport

      Brilliant answer, Kay. 👍

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Could she be feeling that you are dominating and controlling her? While you are feeling injured because she's kept memories of her life? We DO have feelings for the people in our lives.... and are able to love new people in new ways and grow and expand our entire lifetimes! I think that I have only been deeply and honestly "in love" twice. The fact I love my husband more than anyone ever.. doesn't mean I love my first love less. I just got better at loving! Maybe something similar can happen in your relationship if there is the freedom for love to grow.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Anyone with a heart would feel very hurt by this, its a betrayal.

    Your partner needs to sit with you and explain why she has let you down.

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