What should I do about the guy I've been talking to?
So I ve been talking to this guy for about a month and a half. When we first started talking, I did not expect anything at all to happen between us because he had very recently gotten out of a relationship so I automatically thought right off the bat that it would just be a hookup and not to get my hopes up. I actually stated out ignoring him and he kept reaching out so finally we hung out. We hung out like 3 times in the first week we started talking and did things and he seems like a really good guy. Since then weve been talking every day and having sleep overs like twice a week. A week ago, he asked me to talk while we were together. I already knew what was coming, and his first words were "what are you looking for?". It has always been my absolute instinct to shut it down immediately and say, im not looking for anything very serious, espically in this situation because I did not want to scare him off since he iterally just got out of a relationship. I explained to him that i dont necessearaily go into things with an expectation of what im looking for when im talking to someone, im more of a go with the flow kind of person. He said ok well I know ur not looking for anything serious but i want to start taking you out and doing things with you ( we only went out a few times the first week since then its been really just hangig at his house). I said well ur not looking for anything right and he said in this exact moment I m not looking for anything serious but I do like having a girlfriend and bla blah. I m not sure if that was him hinting that he would eventually want something, or that he doesnt want anything at all. That was a little over a week ago and we havent done anything since then. I slept at his house 2 nights ago but he is seeming a little distant and the whole situtation is starting to bother me. I m not sure if its him that doesnt want anything at all, or me not wanting it because of thinking he doesnt want anything so it just going in a circle. I want to have a talk again but i m not even sure where to start especially since he s been iffy lately i don t even know how to go about it or what to say but now that I ve spent so much time with him and we ve gotten close I m starting to get really upset
- Elliot KaneLv 78 months ago
Translation of what he meant and what he interpreted your answer as:
Him: "I like you a lot and I want to get serious with you. Are you up for that?"
You: "No, I'm really not that interested in having a full on relationship with you."
If you really want the relationship (And it's pretty obvious you do), open the follow up conversation like this:
You: "I think you misunderstood me the other day. I want to be with you in whatever type of relationship you are comfortable in. I didn't think you were ready to get serious again yet, but if you are, then so am I."
- BrianLv 78 months ago
It actually would seem like even though you believe you don't want anything from him, the fact that he's kept his distance in a sense from you seems to bother you even more - meaning that perhaps you want to start something with him BUT go very slowly. Perhaps try that and see what happens.