I need advice (death advice) :(?
My boyfriend lost his mom when he was 13 (he still hurts about her loss till this day, which is understandable). Two months ago, he lost his grandfather whom he was close with. Just yesterday, he lost his brother. I’m hurting because 1. I see his family as mine & 2. because he’s hurting. How can I be there for him? He’s clearly going through a terrible time. I give him his space (I’m at work right now & he’s with his family). I’m trying to run all the errands for us, I don’t let him do anything on his own unless he insists. What can I do? What can I say? This is really hard on all of us. Thank you.
- FoofaLv 79 months ago
First realize that you can't be all things to him. He'll likely need some grief counseling with a professional therapist and even if you're a psychologist you can't ethically take him on as a client. So be realistic about the limitations of your relationship and urge to get the help he needs.
- PearlLv 79 months ago
just tell him youre there to listen if he needs someone to talk to
- Coach SimonLv 79 months ago
My - poor chap! You seem to be very caring and supportive - well done! He may want a little time on his own, so don't be upset if he wants a little space occasionally. At some point, do allow him to give a little back so that he can feel valued. One thing people say is that those who have gone probably would want us to be happy. It may sound a little trite under the circumstances but Dr. Seuss said 'Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.' Good Luck to you both!
- mintleeLv 49 months ago
My heart goes out to you and your boyfriend! I'm so sorry to hear he's lost so much recently.
When I was 17 years old, I lost my brother too. Less than two years later, my only other brother also died, so I went from having 2 older brothers to being an only child and I grieved for so long, well into my mid-twenties. But the hardest times were when they first died of course. My boyfriend at the time had later told me that I became so distant but I hadn't even realized. I was just grieving alone and it was really hard. I think it's great that you're giving him space and helping him out with errands and the small things. Keep doing that. Let him know you're here for him but don't suffocate him. It sounds like he has a support system between you and his family which is great. Just give him a lot of time. Death is the hardest thing to get over. Thoughts and prayers to you and him <3
- What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
- .Lv 59 months ago
I lost both my mother and mother in law 45 hours apart. I was shaking so hard I couldn't use a phone, depressed, I had a hard time focusing, and I wanted to walk, just walk. I was in that horrible state of shaking, depression, and had depression for 18 months.
The reason why it took so long was because I lost 2 people in my life not just 1.
What I would do for him, is follow his lead, if he heads out the door ask him if he would like company, if you're doing a project, ask him if he would like to try doing this new thing. If you know of an indoor pool ask him if he would like to go; "water and swimming is relaxing".
Cut down on the day to day stress, by doing more than your share of household chores. You want to keep the extra worry and stress off for the next 12 months, then see what happens. But if it takes him 18 months like it did me because then just have patience.
Last year I lost my brother in December 2018, I lost my my father inlaw 5 years ago.
And I lost my mother & mother inlaw in November 2008.
My sister lives in the UK, my father and his wife live a 3 1/2 hours away in a very hard a remote place where it's hard to get to. So the only people I have left are my husband and my kids, otherwise I'm my only bio-relative of my age group. It's a hard place to be.
So please understand where you're boyfriend is, hopefully you and him can build happier times together that will have lasting memories
My Condolences to your BoyFriend and to you.
- 9 months ago
I think he just needs alone time which is most important. During this period, there will be a long of crying, grieving, reminiscing. Give him a few months. Don't force him to do things that he doesn't want to do because it will only stress him out. Try to make sure he eats on time, or maybe do his housework for him. But ultimately he needs to learn to get over their deaths. No matter how much it hurts or depressed he is, they are always gonna be dead. Its not gonna change anything. He is only hurting himself and there is no end gain to it.
- Anonymous9 months ago
Have you prayed to GOD and asked GOD to help here?
After all LOVE only come from and with GOD!