Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Games & RecreationGambling · 9 months ago

My boyfriend takes me nowhere ever but spends thousands gambling my question is since it’s his money do I have any right to be angry or not?

I happened to see his credit card statement and he’s depositing $1000-$1800 monthly at online casinos.  Ok it’s his money not mine but I never get taken anywhere not even for coffee or lunch.  In the years we have been together we have never gone on a holiday or even a full weekend away and it’s upsetting that he’s blowing all this money gambling online.  Worse, he’s lying to my face about it.

I think I am really more upset about the lying than anything else.  But do I have any right to be upset about the way he’s spending his own money?  It’s sort of a boundary issue I get that but if he’s got thousands to spend on this addiction why can’t he buy me lunch or a coffee now and then?  To give you some background he also wants me to pay him back some money he claims I owe him (long story but he agreed to help) but given what he does with his own money I don’t feel like doing that right now.  Why should I pay for his gambling addiction?

Am I being unfair?  

14 Answers

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  • Mark
    Lv 6
    8 months ago
    Favourite answer

    DTMFA. Run, do not walk.

  • 8 months ago

    Do you have a right to be angry? Of course. Seems obvious - dump him.

  • 8 months ago

    pooooooop 666 hhhhhhhhhhhhh

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Dumbbb him, no need for a man like that

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  • Alan S
    Lv 6
    8 months ago

    As a boyfriend, if he is only spending his own money on gambling, but is able to support himself and doesn't need to rely on you for money, then it is more his issue.  But if he is trying to get money out of you that you don't really owe him, and he's doing it because he needs it to support his gambling, then it's a problem now.  As far as going on trips or doing activities that you'd like to do with him that he is unwilling to do, to some extent that is a separate issue, but if it's related to the fact that he is losing all his money gambling, that is also a problem.

    I think this becomes more of a problem if you want to get married and/or have children.  If the finances become intermingled, his debts become yours.  Perhaps you can separate the money, you each pay for your own things, chip in half for the things you share, etc.  But there are still going to be a lot of problems.  If he's blowing all his money on gambling and can't afford to take vacations, that affects you, as it does now.  If you have children, you will have to miss time from work, maybe quit your job or work reduced hours, etc.  Even if your agreement is to separate the money and share common expenses, unless he's going to provide 50% of the time to raise the children, how is he going to be able to support you when you can't work or can only work part-time, not to mention helping to support the expenses for the children?  If he's blowing all his money gambling, it isn't going to be fair to ask you to support him if he becomes unemployed, and he probably won't be able to support you if you become unemployed.

    I would say that if he makes enough to have a good living and is able to save for unplanned expenses, retirement, etc., then you can look at the gambling as a hobby, and his gambling losses as part of that hobby.  I probably lose a few thousand a year gambling on average, but it doesn't really have any affect on how I live, and I have plenty of money to survive if I lost my job and/or retire, and my only debt is a car loan on a car that I had the money to pay for in cash.  (The car loan was more so that I would have more money in the bank to survive for a longer period of time in case I lose my job.)  Other people spend a lot of money on other hobbies, like fancy trips in expensive hotels.  My trips are mostly to Atlantic City and occasionally Las Vegas.  I'm single, but if I was married and my wife wanted to travel or do something expensive once in awhile, the gambling wouldn't affect that - and if it did, I would cut back a little.In your situation it seems to be that the gambling is affecting his life very negatively, and while the effect on you might not be a whole lot, it probably will be a big problem in a permanent relationship.  Also, the lying is bad as well, but he is probably in denial and/or very embarrassed.  I think he needs professional help.Part of the problem is that he is probably a dumb gambler that bets on things with a large house advantage.  I play video poker, exclusively 9/6 Jacks or Better, which has a 99.54% return.  I'm also afraid to bet online and don't trust the online casinos.  If I lived in New Jersey I could gamble online there, and those casinos are well regulated, but I live in New York so that isn't an option.  I go to Atlantic City perhaps 20 times per year and run about $600k/year through the machines.  With a 0.46% average loss, that's $2,760/year, some of it is recouped on free play promotions.  In a bad year I can lose $10,000 or more, but in some years I win.  I suspect that I have bad luck and might average losing $5,000/year, but that is an amount I can afford.  If I was playing $600k/year on slot machines where the casino takes around 8%, that would cost me an average of $48,000/year, which I definitely can't afford.  Blackjack, if it has decent rules, is also a game with a low house edge, and since the game plays slower than video poker, he might lose less per hour than by playing video poker.  Not sure how fast the game is online though, it might be faster than at a table with 6 people playing.

    While your boyfriend most likely has a gambling problem, I would suggest that he look into how he can be a smarter gambler.  I would suggest going to www.wizardofodds.com.  He probably does need help as far as his addiction, but maybe he can reduce his losses to an affordable amount by being a smarter gambler.

  • 8 months ago

    That is a tricky question, but I would say you have some right to be angry at him, but I don't know why anyone would stay with a loser like that, honestly

  • 9 months ago

    Err...boyfriend, or F*** buddy? He's a hardcore gambler, who probably has more affection for his game than real life. As for "owing him money" Ppph, kick him to the curb!!

  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    If you are non college educated, men should spend at least  $300 a month on you or they should date a feminist if they don't like it.

    Tell him your birth control is making you sick and your doctor said to stop taking it. Tell him to wear condoms from now on, continue taking the b.c but, dont tell him. Men hate condoms, ha-ha.

  • 9 months ago

    in the words of max from stranger things

  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    He's just a boyfriend, not a husband. They are replaceable. Move on.

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