Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingParenting · 2 months ago

I’m going to be a dad. How do I be a good dad?

My wife and I are having our first child in May. I’m freaked out at the prospect of being a parent. I want to be a great dad but I feel like I’ve never seen what positive parenting looks like. 

While I don’t think my parents are evil, I honestly don’t think I was blessed with the best parents. They divorced when I was a year old and only saw my dad on a limited basis. My mom remarried when I was 10 to my stepfather who was abusive and my mom just looked the other way. Neither of my parents ever seemed to take an interest in activities I participated in as kid. I remember being envious of other kids who seemed to have healthy and stable home lives.

Fortunately I did have coaches and men at church that took an interest in me and had a positive impact on my life. I ultimately have a happy life now and I’ve accomplished vastly more than what I ever thought was possible. I graduated from West Point and have a good job since leaving the army. 

I just worry about being a good parent. I’m not worried about my ability to provide for my kids financially but there’s so much more to parenting than that. What advice do you have? Should I find men who I respect who are fathers and talk to them? Thanks!

6 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago

    I always say I need to do better than my parents.

    I need to step up to the plate.

    Be a supportive mate.

    When the baby comes home know your wife is sore and tired so you need to be helpful and understanding. 

    You need to pitch, learn how the breast pump works, how to clean, change diapers, keep trash dumped. Shop and buy what your family needs, cook, clean up, hold baby, feed baby although your wife will be protective insists she takes a baby break and shower and rest, while you manage baby.

    Right now when the baby is little just be involed.

    The rest unfolds naturally 

    Often I see dad's who get a little detached and displaced after the baby comes because hormones are raging after the birth of a baby. 

    Communicate with wife...that's the best option 

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • LizB
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The only thing you need to be a good parent is the desire to be a good parent, and the willingness to put in the effort it takes. 

    *Everything* else is secondary. Being present, being involved, and doing the best you can is all that counts, because you're going to make mistakes. Even the best parents do, and that's okay. Sometimes it's actually good for your kids to see you make mistakes, because then they'll also see how you try to fix them. 

    Also remember to keep your marriage a priority. Although the kids' needs always come first, the marriage is the foundation of your family and it's important to keep it healthy. I don't mean just sex (because tbh your wife may not be thrilled about the idea while pregnant or breastfeeding). I mean the friendship you have, the respect, and the partnership. Find time here and there to be just a couple, and give each other time to have to yourselves, too.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Ambar
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    There is a lot of advice on how to be a good parent, the Bible provides practical and timeless advice. 

    The following link answers the very question you asked, it leads you to an article entitled “How to Be a Good Father” discussing five Bible principles that can help you to be a loving and balanced father, despite any negative experiences you have had growing up… 

    https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g201303/be... 

     

    This website offers a lot on all aspects of parenting, check out the parenting topics in the following link, and see what interests you …  

    https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/raisi... 

       

    Congratulations and becoming a dad, you are in for a treat! Prepare for the challenging, yet ultimately joyful and rewarding experience. 

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    1.  Start by being active and supportive to your spouse during the first year of the baby's life.  Taking turns with nighttime care and giving  your wife a break will go a long way in helping you bond with both the baby and your wife.  (If your wife is breastfeeding - she could save up some pumped milk for you to be able to take a turn at caring for the baby so she can get some much needed sleep)  A wife does appreciate a man who helps with the baby.  So - be as active as you can.  If you don't know how to do something - ask her.  If she is unsure - you can learn together.

    2.  As the child reaches the toddler stage - be involved in helping the child learn.  Spend some time playing counting games or games about colors to help teach them all those little basic things that they need.  Maybe you will only have time on the weekend - but make some time every week for the child.  

    3.  As the child reaches elementary school level, remain active in the child's life and interests.  From about the age of five and upward, the child is becoming old enough to really start remembering going on family trips or even just remembering that dad would take them to the park every Saturday.  Consider becoming active in local little league teams if your child is showing an interest in doing that.  BTW - try to avoid forcing your child into things that YOU want them to do.  Let them have some experience in various activities - but then let them pick the ones they like.

    4.  When the child reaches the teen years - they tend to start pulling away from their parents.  This is natural - but if you have done the work while they were young - they should still end up being good kids overall.  Having family time is important even in the later years.  Try to have dinner as a family - at the dinning table - as many times a week as possible.  Try to plan at least once a month for doing something as a family - maybe a movie night or a game night.  During the teen years - this can get tricky since many teens are involved in sports or other after school activities and possibly part time jobs.   But making the effort to have time for them will make you a good parent.

    One other tip.  You and your wife need to talk about your particular views on how to discipline your children.  This will come up eventually and you need to be united.  There is NOTHING WORSE than two parents who don't or can't agree on how to discipline the children.  When one parent says no to something and the other one tells the child they can - this divides the parents and divides the house.  It is better to have this conversation while the baby is still young enough that it hasn't been needed yet.  

    And - if  you do know some men that you respect who have children - talking to them is not a bad idea if you are comfortable doing that.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Carson
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Yes, get all the info you can. Want to keep the wife happy (ier) ask new moms what they could have used more of from their spouses.

    Make schedules for YOU to follow for your baby. Think out of the box. You have learned what you need to know from your training. You don't even have to know how to fold a cloth diaper anymore.

    You did your time. Leave work at work. MAKE time for your baby.

    May good fortune continue smiling on you.

    Congratulations, Sir.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Carmen
    Lv 4
    2 months ago

    The best parenting advice you can find comes from your Heavenly Father God who is the best father possible because he created us guided and taught us everything he could to be successful people mothers fathers brothers sisters aunts uncles and sisters on pray for guidance patience endurance if you love your child as you love yourself and wife parenting will come natural congratulations to you both.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.