Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 10 months ago

Why would a mother not love her child?

I'm still a bit hurt from 3 years ago. I don't understand how can a woman not love the baby she gave birth too.

I was adopted when I was a 1 year-old baby. I've always referred to them as mom and dad and still do; as my parents. A couple classmates (5th grade) teased me for not having real parents. My parents told me the truth.

At the age of 17, I set out to find out who were my birth parents. My biological father was a dead-beat and died in an auto accident months before I was born. Then I finally found my mother. To my complete disbelief, she never wanted me. Her brief explanation is she got pregnant at age 18 and didn't want to take care of me. She still loves parties, drinking and men. We had no connection at all. She didn't even hug me nor smiled. That's all she ever cares about. When asked if she ever wondered about me, this was her reply:

''Not at all. I don't regret giving you up either, never did, never will''.


Apparently she seemed annoyed by my visit. When that brief, callous, cold conversation was over she said:

''I assume all has been covered and we got nothing else to talk about.'' Unbelievable how her level of callousness was. I, a guy got rejected by the very woman that gave birth to me.

23 Answers

  • 10 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Yes,I know her response is not what you had hoped for. Love is a choice. Your adoptive parents chose to love you and raise you as their son be thankful for that. Some people are not capable of love, and in your case your birth mother did not want a child so she did the best thing possible and gave you up for adoption to parents who would want and love you. Your birth mother just as easily could have aborted you, she choice to give  you life- be thankful for her unselfish choice to continue with an unwanted pregnancy. You don't know her story- she may have had a very painful childhood unloved etc, which led to her party life and promiscuity. Do you think her life is really a happy one? The ones who raised you are your true parents. As all parents they are not perfect and I am sure they made mistakes,but they chose you. You were not an unplanned pregnancy to them, rather a longed for child. Just because they are not your biological parents does not make their love any less for you. If anything it makes it more. If by chance your birth mother had raised you, think what  your life would have been like.Would you have been loved? Taken care of properly? From what you state about the woman who gave you birth you would have been abused and suffered neglect. Accept the reality for what it is. Now you know your history, the curiosity has been satisfied. It is time to move on and be thankful for your parents and the life they gave you.If you can't do so work w/ a therapist. 

  • 10 months ago

    Parents who don't love their kids have are like half sociopath. So if a parent doesn't like their child, they are mentally ill cause a normal person who love her or his child to death 

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I don’t think it is possible. Or maybe some mental issues

  • 10 months ago

    everyone is different, dear. some people shouldn't have kids because they'd be awful parents. many unfortunately have kids and are awful parents.

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  • Helen
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems inconceivable that a mother can not want their child, but it happens. And it wasn't your fault.

    Some people should not be parents. 

    However, family is not always blood. Family are the people who love you, raise you, teach you to ride a bike. You are lucky that your birth mum made the decision she did. She gave you the opportunity to have the family you deserved. Your adoptive parents ARE your real parents.

  • 10 months ago

    Well, if this is true, at least she was honest. Sometimes it's better to leave well enough alone. I'm sorry about the situation, but you DO have real parents who have taken care of you all of your life.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    I am adopted and my brother is too.

    You refer to your parents as mom and dad, why the hell wouldn’t  you? They are your parents legally and emotionally. Real parents are the ones raising you.

    Not all people, male or female,  want children. Not all people, male or female, have any parental feelings or intuition. 

    You had a better life without her, and she had the life she wanted.   She gave you up decades ago and moved on with her life. Not all biological parents want a biological child  to pop back up into their lives years later. Even those who would have kept their baby if they had  had the means to. Their life has moved on  and giving up their baby is decades in the past.

    Sorry but quit with boo hooing.  You were adopted and have parents. Your biological mother knew herself well enough to know she wouldn’t be a good mother. For both your sake and hers she made the right decision and still stands by it now.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    cause she didnt want to be bothered with a child, youre better off without her if shes going to do that

  • Teal
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    This is above YA's paygrade. You need to talk this out with a therapist. Adoption can be traumatic even if you were raised well and it's clear your birth parents were unfit. You don't owe her gratitude or sympathy. She made choices and you are the one who had to live with the consequences. But she can't be the person you need her to be and she can't help you heal. You need to find your own closure and your own path forward.

  • 10 months ago

    Love for your child doesn't instantly occur at birth, especially with an unwanted pregnancy. Instead it happens afterward when mother and child bond. It usually takes Dad's a little longer. When this doesn't occur there is no connection that makes the heart ache without them. Their may be lingering curiosity but that can even fade. Sorry Mom didn't meet your expectation. Talk to your real Mom about it as you probably can appreciate her more now than ever before.

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