Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureEtiquette · 10 months ago

Do I have to honor a parent that who sexually abused me? ?

My father sexually abused me when I was a manor and I still have anger and resent towards him. My uncle back home told me I must forgive to let go of the anger and from my own benefit. and I must honor him since the bible tell us to honor our fathers good or bad.. like wtf 

I agree that I have to forgive for my own benefit to release the anger and resentment I have for him. which I'm working on in therapy but I don't think honoring him comes hand in hand with forgiveness. anyone agrees?

Update:

A minor. it was typo

23 Answers

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  • 9 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Forgiveness relates to the question of whether you want punishment or revenge for what your father did. Most people in your position can't ever get revenge, so if they don't forgive then the anger just eats away at them for the rest of their life. For some people in your situation forgiveness is a good thing, but it should not be forced on a victim or demanded of them.

    Honouring your father would mean restoring the parent child relationship. But your father has breached his obligations as a parent in a major way. Traditionally and in the Bible it was the father's duty to protect his daughter's sexuality and her honour until he gave her away in marriage, not to take sexual advantage of her. He has lost any right for you to treat him as a parent.

    It doesn't sound as though your father has repented of his actions. He has actually committed a crime, and if he truly repented he would go to the police and confess and pay his debt to society. But he isn't even prepared to say sorry or acknowledge that he did the wrong thing.

    If he doesn't repent then he won't really get a lot of benefit from your forgiveness. Maybe he doesn't have to fear that you will one day come after him to hurt him, but unless he truly repents he hasn't actually received your forgiveness.

    A lot of evil has happened from the idea that honouring him comes hand in hand with forgiveness. Battered wives have gone back to husbands to be beaten up again. Mothers have turned a blind eye to their daughters being sexually abused by their husbands because their husband told them to.

    The best thing for your father is to fully realise the enormous evil he has done and to feel truly sorry for it. That won't happen if you go back to treating him like a father and just sweep what he did under the carpet.

  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    u can forgive him then have nothing to do with him

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    Letting go of the resentment (probably with the help of counseling) would be good for your future sanity. However, when someone hasn't admitted their faults and hasn't begged for forgiveness you cannot let them off the hook. You can move forward as a healthier person by leaving the past in the past. But you're CLEARLY under no obligation to forgive someone who doesn't even seem to be asking for your forgiveness.

  • susan
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    I agree with you that forgiveness and honoring do not need to go hand in hand. 

    If you'll describe what you mean by "honor," (what specific action or words) then I'll answer your other question about whether I think you are morally obligated to do that. Also, do you still live with that parent, and are you still a minor?

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Respect is something that is earned.  Your father lost that privilege when he sexually abused you.  I would bet that he never asked for forgiveness, and instead, tried to blame the abuse on you.  Parents who are honored are those who deserve to be honored because they show love and respect to their children.  Your father didn't do that.  Good for you for going to therapy to work on this issue.  If you can find peace within yourself, then you'll know you will have healed as much as possible.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    The bible says "respect your parents".  But it doesnt apply to bad parents who did bad to their children.   Like for example, you father.  

    Sometimes it confuses me, some family members call themselves a family but they treat you bad and doesnt care enough for you.   I also have a sister like that.  So this is what I do.  A family member who doesnt act like a family does not deserve my attention.   Just erase them in your mind and pretend they dont exist.  What your uncle means is that.   Dont be angry with someone, it will makes you angry all the time and you cannot focus on your life.  Just pretend that person doesnt exist and doesnt deserve your attention.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Honor comes hand in hand with forgiveness???? Since when?  

    Forgive him when you are ready to. You are right it will help you. But there is no reason to have contact with him or even tell him you forgave him. 

  • 10 months ago

    The one who abused you sired you but was not your father. A father nurtures and loves his children so you might feel better if you can some day forgive him but you definitely do not have to honor him and the people I know who have been abused never forget what happened but they somehow manage to get on with their lives and learn to enjoy life so that you may achieve yourself some day.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    i wouldnt think so, you could at least stay away from him

  • Lôn
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    A manor?....surely you meant 'minor'.

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    What’s a “manor”? 

    You need to learn to spell and grammar.

    I’d never see him again if it were me.

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