Would you give this long term friend another chance? She has ignored me for 7.5 months, yest. she texts me, says sorry & wants to meet up?

Question

Should I ?
She has hurt  my feelings ignoring me..
We’ve known each other 30 plus years..
She has mild depression & is a loner

Fireplace · Answer

It's up to you. Give her another chance if you want to. If you don't want to, then don't bother.

SCATTY c · Answer

She has ignored me for 7.5 months -  ok

yest. she texts me, says sorry & wants to meet up? - ok, so she apologised

Should I ? - your life, your decision

She has hurt  my feelings ignoring me - OK, that is perhaps true, but there appear to be extenuating circumstances

We’ve known each other 30 plus years - so a LONG friendship to throw away

She has mild depression & is a loner - OK.. so the reason for the 'ignoring then'

Yes I text her months ago to say hi, she ignored me & I know she likes her space - she must have been going through a depressive phase

She hates phone calls & “drop ins” at her home  - OK.. Well that is just her and you need to accept that is the way she is

She said “i know, my fault, bad friend” via text - she acknowledges the issue, which is far better than her not realising there is an issue

Yes I’m aware how depression affects people.. but this is the second time in 2 years she’s done this - yes, but you don't appreciate that depression in a long-term condition.. its not like a cold, which has gone in a week... She has done it twice and she will keep doing

Can you discard friends?  Most people who are old enough to have known someone that length of time, certainly can't?

I think you need to accept that this on/off nature is the way your friendship will be with her - don't take it personally.  Text her like you have been doing and if she doesn't reply, don't get upset.. Just send another and say to her to get in touch when she is ready.

That way there are NO expectations on both sides... if you want weekly communication say and she then feels pressured by that, then you will both end up upset

Ann · Answer

I don't believe you really understand just how debilitating clinical depression can affect a person.  It changes a person's brain chemistry, so that the person literally has trouble functioning in any normal way  That may include just making the effort to get out of bed in the morning, much less talking to others, going outdoors, even in some cases taking care of things such as personal hygiene.  You've known this woman for 30 years.  Looking back over the years, have you seen an emotional decline as she's gotten older?  You say that she has "mild" depression.  Maybe she was able to override the symptoms and be functional for years, until it's caught up with her. It may well be more than "mild" at this point.  Two times in two years sounds as if she's having a lot of difficulty keeping things together.  The fact that she has difficulty dealing with "drop in" visits or phone calls tells me that she has to stick to a rigid routine in order to function.  You could be supportive of her if she's attempting to reach out.  Her dr. may have put her on a new medication or tried a new treatment that might be helping. Be happy for her instead of being petty.  I think you should meet with her and tell her you've missed her and hope she's feeling better.  Let the conversation go from there to wherever it will, but let it be around her and not the fact that she's "ignored" you.  She has a genuine medical condition.

Mamawidsom · Answer

It really depends on whether or not you want to be involved in an "on-again/off-again" friendship. You know her pattern. You know how you're reacted in the past. You know it is likely to happen again. Is the "on" time worth the "off?" Can you learn to realize this has nothing to do with you when she goes AWAL for months?

Friendship are based on both parties getting something out of the interaction as well as putting something into it.

denise · Answer

Yes, agree to meet her, If she's had depression, its a very debilitating condition
and can take a long time to 'get back' on an even keel.
30 years friendship is a long time.

Dv8s · Answer

You've known each other for 30 years, and she has ignored you twice in two years.  So what, once a year, for the last two years, doesn't hold a candle to 30 years of friendship.  You may be hurt by her actions, but I'm sure she isn't doing that to hurt you.  Your patience, and understanding, are needed, but don't stop trying to reach out.  Friendships like your's, are hard to come by, and you're lucky to have each other.

drip · Answer

Yes give her a chance. But you need to talk about her behavior. Does she want to be a friend and keep in touch?  If she is going to keep going into hiding for months on end, is it worth continuing the friendship? You don’t need to express that , just stop communicating with her.

Pearl · Answer

thats up to you if you still want to see her or not

Kiss Me Kate · Answer

I would go and hear the explanation and see if I thought it was valid or not.  If she doesn't give a reasonable explanation--then I would just make that the last time we hung out.

Cogito · Answer

Yes, of course.  She has depression.  That can cause some people to shut themselves off from their friends.  If you're a real friend, you'll meet her and not say a word about feeling hurt.

Would you give this long term friend another chance? She has ignored me for 7.5 months, yest. she texts me, says sorry & wants to meet up?

13 Answers