How do I handle bully ex boyfriend and his kind 15 year old daughter who keep contacting me 1 year post break up? They want to see my dog.?

44 yr old ex bf is a bully & hard to communicate with. Broke up a year ago. He has 3 kids; I have 2. At first, I tried to keep in touch w/his oldest, 15 yr old girl; she rarely responded. I have made no effort to keep in contact w/him, but he has found reasons to contact me (want his stuff, want to borrow the dog, berating me about some gossip he's heard), and it's never good for me, so I have blocked him. Daughter has contacted me a couple of times to borrow our "shared" dog. We got the dog together; he got the dog as a puppy free from a friend. At first, she was to go between homes, that stopped bc he "couldn't" have her at his home. I have been the only one to pay for spay, shots, vet, leashes, bed, training. He has purchased some food, last time was a year ago after the break up & the time before that was another year prior. Bottom line is that I take care of the dog. At first, I let them take her each time they asked (maybe once a month). But I realized it bothered me to hear from him & see him. And he was not able to give specific times for pick up & drop off, so I would sit around waiting. No benefit for me at all, just disruption. I started saying we were busy. A week ago I got a text from the daughter (after about 2 mo no contact) asking for the dog for the weekend bc it was her birthday & she had no plans. I ignored & she is trying to connect with me via instagram. I need a better way to handle this. Can't do direct communication bc he will turn it into a fight.

10 Answers

  • 6 months ago

    It is clear that the dad is manipulating his daughter. She ignored you and now it is about the dog?.. 

    If either of them cared enough they would have kept contact with the dog.

    Tell her that her dad is toxic to deal with and when she gets her drivers license she can make arrangements, 

    You owe those people nothing and that teenager is being manipulated by her father.

  • Edna
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Cut off ALL forms of  communication with your ex-boyfriend and with his daughter. Don't respond to them at all.  

    You might tell his daughter that, if she wants a dog, she can get her own dog - that you don't intend to "share" your dog with her and you don't intend to let her "borrow" your dog for the weekend.  

    The dog has been living in your home for at least two years. You care for the dog; you buy its food to eat  and toys for it to play with; and you take it to the vet and pay the vet bills - all with no financial help from the daughter or her father. Legally, it is YOUR dog! It's not an inanimate object that can be passed back and forth. 

  • 8 months ago

    I wouldn't ignore the fifteen year old daughter.... she has nothing to do with your situation with the ex.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    The name on the registration is the owner of the dog.  It's that simple. It's not about the purchase price, vet bills, food, where the dog lives.  If it comes right down to "nasty," WHO IS THE REGISTERED OWNER?  If it's not you, I'd change that immediately.

    If there is NO registered owner the person who has the dog is the owner.  That at the moment is you.  Someone grabs the dog?  Then it's them.

    I see no need for any type of communication .  "No" is the answer.  If you keep being harassed, then get a restraining order.

    I went through "sort of" this.  I rescued a dog, had been abused and removed from previous home.  Former owner found my address and kept showing up for "visitation" with the dog.  When they weren't at my house they were on the phone.  The dog was registered to me.  I got a restraining order and that was the end of that.  The dog was ALSO microchipped.  My yard has a 6' privacy fence and a padlocked gate.  I took no chances that the dog would be stolen.

    If someone takes that dog from your property AND the dog isn't chipped AND if the dog isn't registered, you may never see the dog again.

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  • 8 months ago

    I would tell them all to just leave you alone. The dog is yours by all rights & they should just stay out of the picture all together. I think it is just another way for him to keep coming into your life & you do not need that. You do not have to let them take the dog anywhere. To much time has passed, their requests a far & few between.

    If it was a weekly thing, I could understand this but not the way they are playing the game. Just say, 'no more'. They are using the dog to get to you. You do not have to allow it.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Send them a polite letter and tell them that you're moving on with your life you appreciate it and knowing them in the past but henceforth you will not be in contact with them. Sever all ties. Block them from all your events and social media and if they keep hounding you contact a lawyer and get tough. Don't hold on to a relationship that can only end up in trouble someday. Tell them it was nice knowing you then move on.

  • 8 months ago

    Is anyone considering the dog in all this ? 

    Tbh.. I think that if you give in and allow her to have the dog for the weekend you will not see the dog again.  (Yes I'm suspicious). 

    Tell them it isn't fair on the dog as it will be confusing for her.  

  • 8 months ago

    As far as the future for the dog is concerned (always my first concern), is she better off with you, or with them?   I'd suggest as this is a year on now, she's far better off staying with you.

    As for you, you don't have to put up with this and if push comes to shove, I'd be either speaking to the police (on a non emergency line), or get yourself a lawyer ... unless deep down, you do want to keep in touch at least with his kids?

    I'm not sure this question is on the right area?

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    I would stay away personally, its not worth the mess.  Unless you just want to give her the dog and be done with it, otherwise I wouldnt keep communication and would move on.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    maybe you should give them the dog so they wont be contacting you about it

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