Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

can kind ones give me advice?

So I found out my husband of a few months was talking to someone random about how he’s unhappy in marriage and was just saying a bunch of lies about me (maybe to make himself feel better and to make me look worse) and that he feels obligated to stay with me because I basically have nothing without him, when I confronted him he says none of it was true and that he was just in a dark place, lost and trying to adjust to everything.... he wouldn’t let me leave and I’m wondering if all my nit picking and attitude chaises all of that... just want some advice from some.. my brain hurts and I know he loves me but like???? Why marry me to do that.. I don’t feel loyalty and I feel cheated.

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  • RP
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You need to have a serious discussion with him, explain your concern, how it affects you, and the implications for your marriage. If he's unwilling to work with you to make things better or to seek professional help, it does not bode well for your marriage.

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  • 2 months ago

    That would hurt me too! People need to sound off sometimes and a total stranger with no mutual ties can be a handy target. If you believe, as you suggest, that your nit picking and attitudes might be contributing to unhappiness instead of joy, then exam that.

    Build a good marriage and you won't have disloyalty or cheating. Demanding a good marriage without BEING in a good marriage will not reward such. I don't go for talking outside of school but when it happens, it doesn't necessarily mean cheating and disloyalty. Sometimes it just suggests a lot of stress and a feeling that things are not "equal" or "fair". Maybe you two can sit down with open minds and hearts to that conversation. I hope so.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    You two need marriage counseling. But if you really do "have nothing without him" you'll want to remedy that situation by making sure you've got your own life and career too.

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  • 2 months ago

    Big no!

    I'd be looking forward to that divorce

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  • 2 months ago

    There are more than a few red flags in this question.

    First, you  decided to "confront him" and admit a "nit picking attitude".Perhaps worse is feeling a lack of loyalty and cheated.

    He was talking about your (plural) marriage and not about YOU.He was apparently looking to vent, gain some insight or both.Its all based on his perception at that point.

    You perceive it as lies about you but this might be his reality.

    There is a major disconnect here and it seems that you are just as responsible.

    Advice being worth what you pay for it (hopefully) he probably did not get much during his talk with someone "random". I do have to ask, if it was just someone random how did you hear about it and why do you think gossip channels are accurate in the retelling?

    As usual my suggestion is GET COUPLES COUNSELING.

    Its obvious you BOTH need to address some communication issues.

    That's where you learn the skills of effective communication, couples counseling.

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  • 2 months ago

    You are making too much of it. He probably is not astute to the confidentialities of marriage and talks about you like he would talk about some person at work. Tell him to shut up about you. Keep on telling him not to talk about you and it will finally break the habit. He will probably do it again several times until he recognizes what he is doing and the mess he is making. As for what he is saying, everyone goes through these moments of dark depression. Tell him to carry a candy bar with him and if he starts feeling bad about you, to eat a candy bar and get some sugar in his system. Or coffee.

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