My boyfriend and I have different tastes. What do I do? Please help?

Hello. 

I'm 24, so is my boyfriend. We've been together for a year. He's wonderful, beautiful, sweet, loving, tall, and is a med student at an ivy league school. Pretty much the whole package.

Unfortunately, our sexual tastes are very different. I realize mine are unconventional but he doesn't seem to want to meet me in the middle at all. He has few sexual requests. He wanted to nut in my mouth, I don't want him to due to past abuse and that's pretty much the only thing I've ever denied him. 

Again, I've been sexually abused a lot from 10 to 18 and my tastes are normal. Things that are "forced" are the main way I get aroused or ***. My clit also does not work so that makes sex harder. I realize the extent of my desires are unhealthy, and the only men that will actually be able to completely satisfy me in that way are in prison for literal sex crimes. 

However, my boyfriend doesn't want to tie me up, hold my wrists, use toys, or do any moderately kinky thing I suggest, and to be frank, I'm getting bored. I tell him what I want, and he pretty much just ignores it. My sex drive is also abnormally high to the extent where it has to be decreased by medication, idk if that's relevant or not. 

I'm getting annoyed. Every time I have this complaint or feeling we have really amazing sex, but this cycle has happened numerous times where I'm just getting bored. I don't want to break up with him, that's not an option, but I want things to improve. 

Update:

I'm also high/drunk almost every time we do this idk if it's because of trauma or just boredom 

Update 2:

Yeah also guys I'm not lying I really don't think this story is that weird. If you think it's that bizarre, please go outside more. 

16 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    But the thing is, you two aren't sexually compatible and that's a normal and real deal breaker so I don't know what kind of advice you want or need.

    How do you think things are going to improve when you have talked about this with him, and yet nothing has changed? He's smart, and you obviously know him better than us, no one here has some sort of magical words to make you convince him.

    It caught my attention that you said that you are a victim of abuse and complain that your bf wants to nut in your mouth but yet say that you love things to feel "forced" so ... this kinda doesn't make sense. Feeing forced, tied up etc doesn't remind you of the abuse you went through?

    You also mention your sex drive is abnormally high that you need medication for it. Not sure if you have had therapy for the abuse you went through but often sexual abuse survivors react to the abuse overcompesating through sexualising everything in order to make sense of the abuse in their heads.

    Either way, your relationship has no future, you two are incompatible. So you either accept that or keep fighting something you can't win.

    • Natalie1 month agoReport

      It’s ok we just had great sex last night 

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • F
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    My wife and I have different tastes. I like women and she like men, but we still get along.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I feel like you should seek counseling. 

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 1 month ago

    Natalie.  Abuse can cause a lot of frustration, however, it is a problem with trust issues.  Seriously get emotional help,   it will be worth it.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    Stop taking drugs. You don't need drugs but talking therapy and you need therapy for the sickly things you fantasise of. No decent man will do that to anyone no matter how much that someone craves it so you will be left with sick men.

    Regarding your vanilla bf you clearly aren't compatible.

    Please get therapy. You deserve better than for people who've abused you to win.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 1 month ago

    You and your boyfriend have to be on the same level aka page. Like for example: you and him have to have a few things in common.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 1 month ago

    I know what you want but none of these other posters picked up on it. There are other girls like you out there. I knew 1 who wanted me to take her so bad but she and her husband worked for me. She tried to bait me into taking her, she tried to goad me but I wasn't willing to give up my wife and kids for her. Her mother thought sex was evil so this girl wouldn't give it to a guy, she wanted him to take her. Apparently that was the only way she could orgasm, if a guy just took it.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Ignore the troll comments from these other losers. This website is full with 9 year olds and incels. What i can tell you for one thing is to not make your situation a big deal. Sex is overrated in the sense that it's as fun as playing sports or games or whatever hobby you're into. Sure you can find another guy who's the perfect package again who will fulfil your sexual desire or you can practice love which is trying your hardest to make it work and find a way around it. You say your clit doesn't work then go to the doctor or read about it. They usually have injections. You're bf could have put an effort to do bdsm but he's not going to feel comfortable so sex won't be fun for him. The best way to discover how to fix these things is by reading articles on yor situation through google etc. I guess masturbation is a no for you. Your bf is simple and you seem to be avant guard. But you can make it work. Only you can find a way not from these trolls.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • nanu
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    move on...........................

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 1 month ago

    I think your biggest problem here, Natalie, is your incredible stupidity and lack of imagination. You are stupid enough to make up crap, and not think of deleting your history that illustrates your fantasy life and desperate craving for attention. You are a really sad lonely little girl. Go away, you're boring us all to death, 

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.