Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 9 months ago

Should I allow my husband to help his mistress/baby mom pay her bills?

My question is not whether or not I should leave my husband for cheating on me and creating a child. I already know the answer to that. My question is, my husbands mistress who is also his baby mom has been asking my husband for extra money to pay her bills. She has a bf and another kid by another guy who is in jail. I don’t think it’s fair that we contribute to her bills or anything outside of the child. Am I wrong or should we help. She is not asking for a lot of money but of course once you allow it once you are opening up the door for her to ask for more and really that should be her bf’s job. I feel like she shouldn’t be getting pregnant by all these men if she can’t afford her rent. Just my thoughts. What are yours? 


I would like to add that she got pregnant by my husband during our engagement. 

24 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    If there's not a court ordered child support edict in place there needs to be. He needs to pay a specific amount each month and no more (unless you both are so inclined). So get an order in place so there'll be no surprises. And yes, when you choose to stay with a cheater this IS what you should be expected to tolerate. So if this is too much for you you'll file for divorce.

  • 9 months ago

    My boyfriend and I also like to play BDSM and find our partners on an online dating app, KinkDr. But we try not to have personal relationships. In fact, you can communicate with your husband. If he really cares, he can help. But you also have the right to decide when to leave.

  • 9 months ago

    Your husband should be paying for her child support and seeing his child. Whether you like it or not. You have no further obligation to the woman or child.

    Randomly making children with unfit and disgusting women seems to be a trend with your husband. I would send him packing before you get a baby he doesn't want either. 

    He sounds like a real winner.

  • 9 months ago

    And you're still with him? Apparently you like being a door mat. I got news for you, you're asking the wrong Q. Has he had a DNA done so that you know it is his kid?

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    It is NOT her boyfriend's responsibility to provide for your husband's child.  It is your husband's responsibility (and hers).  If this man is stepping up and helping parent this child...  your husband needs to look him in the eye and... thank him.

    It's also not your decision if this goes go court, it's the courts decision.

    If this goes to court,  you can look forward to the following ...

    20-25% of his AGI (adjustable gross income) going towards child support.  Each state has it's own child support calculator.  If he has known about the child since they were born, the state can retro the child support from the day they were born. 

    Court ordered childcare expenses (separate from child support).He can be court ordered to provide medical insurance for the child (also separate from child support). 

    Speaking of medical insurance if the child receives any type of assistance (welfare, including medicaid) he can expect to receive a bill from the state for his share of those expenses which can include birth and prenatal expenses.

    Some larger expenses it's likely he'll be ordered to pay half of them.  Both of my kids have a $5000 smile from braces, I paid half and their dad paid the other half.

    Some states are ruthless when it comes to people not paying child support.  He can have his license suspended, have liens put on his bank account, have his paycheck garnished, he can have liens on tax refunds, he can also be incarcerated.

    Child support is to support the basic needs of a child which is food, clothing, shelter and medical care.  

    It's not payment to the other parent, it's reimbursement to the custodial parent for the basic needs they have already provided and in most cases it doesn't cover half of their expenses. I have 2 kids with my ex and by the time I received the child support ...  they already ate, they have clothes, a bed, a roof, toothpaste, TP, shampoo, school supplies, they went to scouts, dance, sports, they could go tot he dr, had their co-pays paid ...  all because I paid for it.  

    My ex never complained about providing for his kids and he was never late on child support.  He also paid child support without a court forcing him to, we only have a court agreement because it was part of our divorce.  I got laid off once and was without work for about 3 months when they were young, my ex helped me.  He was off work for a while because he got hurt, I helped him then.   I gave him back  the child support when I got it because at that time he needed it more than I did.

    If your husband got hungry today ...  so did his kid.

  • Tj
    Lv 7
    9 months ago

    let the courts handle child support and nothing more. She has a bf, let him help her. Get a good lawyer to stop all of this BS.

  • 9 months ago

    If your husband made a big mess, then i guess he needs to pay for it. The fact that this fantasy lady you're talking about has another child with a different guy has nothing to do with the situation you say your husband is in.

  • Anonymous
    9 months ago

    If she gives him head, then yes, since you refuse to do that.

  • 9 months ago

    Yes, of course, he should help her with her bills.

  • 9 months ago

    leave that motherfacka!!!

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