Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 10 months ago

My biological mother wants to meet me, what might I say to her if we meet?

I was taken from her by the police when I was 11. She had filmed my supposed stepfather having sex with me over five years. I was beaten and bound and tortured. She enjoyed it and would laugh while she was filming me. she and my step-father were both jailed for many years and my stepfather died in prison from AIDS and hopefully went to hell from there as he had no remorse.

I got HIV because of the abuse though I’m still living with it. My story even made the news nationally in 1994.

Now my mother is out of jail and wants to meet. She’s been out of jail for three years and has never shown any remorse. She even gave me the finger at CPS and the police were taking me. A teacher had tipped the place off.

So how do I act and what do I say when I see her? Do I tell her how evil she is? Do I forgive her if she has had a change of heart and a sorry? Do I forgive her but refuse to trust her or have a relationship with her in case her apologies or fake? Do I walk out if she starts to say it was my fault? Do I just say no to meeting her?

She Looks just like my sister who is also if he is there not a severely. My sister is refused to know me and my adult years when I try to meet her and I learned through my mothers letter that my sister committed suicide three years. In the letter my mother indicated no remorse and said she wants to clear her name as the reason for meeting me. she even insulted my sister for blaming her for everything.

23 Answers

  • Rick
    Lv 7
    10 months ago
    Favourite answer

    How would you feel towards her if she weren't your mother?  This is the question I asked myself about my father.  Just because she's your mother, it doesn't mean you HAVE to love her or feel anything for her.

    "Do I forgive her but refuse to trust her or have a relationship with her?"  This is an emotionally healthy solution and it's what I chose to do with him.  Choosing forgiveness frees you and not having a relationship with her (or only a very superficial one) stops you from being hurt by her again.

    It might be that she can't show remorse.  This is how it is for psychopathic people, so don't expect to see that from her.  My father isn't psychopathic but I know he'll never be able to or never choose to say he's sorry for how he's treated me.  In his mind, he's never done anything wrong.

    Since she's been out of jail for 3 years and is now contacting you for the first time, it makes me wonder what she wants or needs.  If she wants to clear her name, that's all about her and zero about you so she'll just be using you.

    If you choose to meet with her, remember that you don't have to do anything other than listen to her.  You don't have to forgive her or choose to start or end things with her - just listen.  If you meet with her, take the time to think things over and sleep on it.  If you want to, you can speak with others about it and get their opinions.

    If you haven't seen a good psychologist for their help with your traumatic past, it's something you'd benefit from doing.  And getting their opinion about this meeting with your mother is a wise thing to do.

    Take care.

  • Layne
    Lv 5
    10 months ago

    My bio-parents are useless.  I have no idea where they are and I don't care because they didn't care about in Seoul when I was a toddler.  My adoptive parents are now my real parents.

  • 10 months ago

    If you are truly ready to meet her, go ahead, go over missed time, ask her what gave her the motivation to do those things, maybe she has mental illness.

  • Orla C
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    Do you WANT to meet her? If not, then don't. Simple. 

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  • 10 months ago

    When I finally met my biological mother she felt like a stranger to me so I just made small talk like with any stranger 

  • 10 months ago

    i would avoid meeting her

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    Don't meet this so-called mother of yours. She sounds like she hasn't changed a bit. You are not obliged to meet her or be in any contact with her. You would be putting your own mental health in jeopardy seeing her.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    10 months ago

    thats up to you if you want to meet her but i wouldnt blame you if you didnt

  • 10 months ago

    If her reason for wanting to meet up is to clear her name, I would tell her that you will not help her do that due to the extreme difficulties her behaviour caused you and your sister. So what would be the point of meeting her? You don't want to be reminded of your horrible past with her, do you. 

  • Anonymous
    10 months ago

    I am so sorry for what has happened to you. You are such a strong person.

    Personally I WOULDNT give her the time of day to even talk with me.

    She shows no remorse and is not even a mother, she is a monster.

    I don't think you even need closure from such a horrible woman like that. 

    Leave her in the past like those horrible memories, she doesn't deserve your time. 

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