How do I deal with my VERY overprotective father?
Ok so I am a 19 year old man with an EXTREMELY overprotective dad. My father (not me) has Asperger's Syndrome and OCD just to let you know. Okay so I'm 19 and my dad still makes me put on a jacket to go outside while my curfew is 4:30pm in winter (sunset is like 5:30pm) and my curfew is 7:00pm in summer. (8:00pm on weekends). My dad makes me text him every morning to let him know I'm awake and makes me take a shower everyday. He does not let me get on the internet alone and checks my history (he might see this lol no really). He also checks my texts. He has never left me to have a conversation with my girlfriend and puts a tracker on my phone. I do not drive. He does not allow me to have long hair unless I wash it daily and style it the way he likes. I have a bedtime which is 10pm (I never follow it lol), and I have a wake up time which is 8am. I am 12th grade, homeschooled so school is not a problem. He also refuses to let me join in on adult family conversations because he feels I'm not an adult yet (we live in the USA). He begs me to not leave home and get a job at his workplace so he can keep watch on me. I wasn't allowed to stay home alone till 18 (he texts me every 15min) and I still have a babysitter at 19. I am very aware of my dad's conditions and I understand life is a struggle for him everyday. (He has panic attacks) I know my dad loves me very much and he cannot help it. He has always been overprotective (bathing me, brushing teeth/hair till age 12). Any advice?
I am a very easy going guy but I really can't take much more of this. I understand my dad can't help his conditions and he's only trying to protect me but he needs to have more of an open mind. When I stayed home alone for the first time at 18 he called me 11 times in 5 hours and got choked up because he felt I was growing up "too fast". I also did not reach puberty till age 16½ as looking quite young for my age may have also had something to do with it.
I know my dad tries his best and we've been seeing a counselor at church for the last 2 weeks (we've gone twice) and I think my dad has the potential to make progress but because of his Asperger's Syndrome he cannot put himself in other people's shoes. I am his only child and I understand it must be scary for him especially with his Asperger's and OCD, but he has to understand this can't go on forever. My dad does not make me pay rent so I try to be grateful for the little things.
Just to let you know I can stay home alone but I do still have a babysitter for "other" reasons and my babysitter is an a**hole. He understands my situation and does nothing but make fun of me and take advantage of me. He acts like my father just to piss me off. He eats our food and treats me like a 4 year old child threatening to "tell on me to my father" if I'm "difficult". I've talked to my parents about this but my dad does not want to get rid of him as he feels I still need a babysitter.
- FoofaLv 78 months ago
Sounds like in addition to having Asperger's Dad is a single parent, which would make him even more overprotective. So do your work, get into college, make your life plans and eventually he'll be forced to see you as the mature adult you someday will be.
- JerryLv 68 months ago
If this is really true, you have to establish your own identity and limits. You're a legal adult, you can do whatever you want with no one's permission. Some of your revelations are plain creepy. It doesn't sound like your dad is on any meds at all, sadly. Either YOU set boundaries or move out, or accept the situation.
- PearlLv 78 months ago
maybe you should move out
- WillLv 78 months ago
You need to toughen up and just defy his wishes. It would also benefit you if you confronted him and told him to quit being such an overprotective weenie. Even mention his aspergers since that is definitely a factor contributing to his behavior.
Don't be ashamed to make him feel bad, because it's gonna happen regardless due the aspergers. But you need to slam your fist down and say enough is enough to him.
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- nevin0020Lv 58 months ago
You need to set some boundaries. All this stuff about bedtimes, wake up times curfews, showering and grooming is up to you now. You need to tell him that you're an adult and if he sets rules you're just going to break them. You should also put passwords on your devices make sure to tell him that you're doing all this but do not ask his permission. He has mental conditions that will never allow him to let go of control on his own so you need to rip off the leech for him. If he doesn't accept it then you should tell him you'll be moving out ASAP. And that's exactly what you should do if he doesn't accept that you're an adult. You need to remember that he can't physically stop you from doing things anymore.
P.S You should be showering every day, washing styling your hair is important especially if you want it to be long, like you don't want people to think you're a minger. Bed times and wake up times are also a good idea but you should be picking them yourself.
And you should probably stand up to your babysitter. It seems like you're enabling this behaviour.
- Anonymous8 months ago
For God's sake, move out of there now! That's horrible!
- A.J.Lv 78 months ago
18 is an adult and can move out. You choose what is offered as a situation among options. You can't change a person completely, but can discuss situations like an adult.