Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 1 month ago

Friends & “I’m busy”?

I’m a successful man. 21, veteran, personal trainer, stand up comedian, college student, creative writer, etc. I have a skill for helping people & being a social chameleon. Still I face this one issue. I feel like every time I ask 99% of my friends if they want to go do something they reply with “I’m busy” or something like that. Asking when they’re free typically never works, so I must resort to asking again another day. And another day. And another. I’m so god d*mn embarrassed to constantly ask all of my friends if they’re free but I just want to unwind on the weekends after the hustle of life but usually find myself staying home alone feeling pathetic. It’s so strange bc when I’m with someone they often seem infatuated in my life story and tell me that I’m “really strong” and they “admire me” but when I want to arrange something I feel like I have to invite every friend I possibly can bc I know I’ll be lucky if even one accepts. I cater, provide entertainment, have meaningful talks, get drunk/high if they want, and pretty much we both have a really good time whenever somebody accepts. I just... can’t ever seem to get anybody to accept. This is really effecting my self esteem, which is very harmful for my highly competitive personal training life. What the hell is wrong with me?

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  • 1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    It may be that your very high opinion of yourself and your lifestyle is off-putting to the rest of the "average" world.

    Just guessing here, but you likely come off as arrogant and self important.  Most people prefer others to value them equally and respect them for their achievements and not just dwell on themselves.  I think you may expect other to worship at the alter of you.

    Dial it all back and you may get more Yes replies.

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  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Your post was all about you.

    If you behave that way in reality, you are unlikely to make friends 

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Nobody can answer that. If you want to know why they always turn you down, ask them.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    they need more milk and calcium in their lives and so do you

    too uptight

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    The problem with having responsible and productive friends is that as they age into adulthood they by definition will have less time for fun. You've crafted your life in such a way that even though you're busy you have some flexibility, i.e. you can schedule your fitness clients and you're probably only doing standup at night. Not everyone can do this and a lot of people live at the whims of bosses and such (yes, even on the weekends). So maybe you need to seek out people who have schedule more like yours.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Don't flex your success so often and maybe you'll see a difference.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I do not think anything is wrong with you feeling highly of yourself I am sure you worked hard to get where you are. I would agree with the others about maybe talking less about yourself and see how life has been treating your friends. Do you check up on them out the week or only when you want to go out? Have you thought about speaking with them personally to see why they always reject your request to go out? 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You don't have good friends.. You provide them w a good time. Wowwww. Stop being easy just for the sake of going out...

    Work on yourself.........tc

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  • 1 month ago

    Do you talk about yourself a lot? About you, you, you and what you've accomplished/overcome and explain how admirable you are? Sometimes social chameleons come off as someone not entirely trustworthy simply because of their chameleon abilities. It can be hard to figure out who a person is when they take pride in being able to be anything. I've no idea if that's applicable in any way but it is an answer to your question.

    Remind yourself sometimes that you are just beginning. You are just now a fully legal adult. There will be many highs and lows ahead of you. You are no where near a finished product. My guess is that you are going to turn out fine. And if you want to go out and about, then go out and about. You don't need an entourage.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    First, there's nothing wrong with you. Instead, it sounds like you've picked up a habit of some sort that is causing people to back away when you invite them.  Think through how you do this.   I have a wild guess what might be wrong.

    When you approach people, are you one of those who says "hey, are you busy Friday night"?   If so, most people hate this question.  It's easy to answer if you're on a plane to Cancun, but if someone doesn't have plans, you're backing them into a corner.   If they say no, and you propose something, you're forcing them to find a polite way to say your plans suck.  If this might be it, change your approach.  "hey, I've got 2 free tickets to Friday comedy night.  You interested"?   It sounds minor, but it isn't. 

    If this isn't it, pick someone you feel closest to and ask them what you're doing wrong.  Someone did this to me once, and I was actually flattered.  With her, it was slightly different, because we stopped inviting her to things.  Reason:  all she did was yap about her boring toddlers. 

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  • 1 month ago

    1. Find meetups in your area that involve activities that you enjoy doing.

    2. Don't talk so much about your "life story" when you are with people....

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