How can I stop my family from depending on me so much?

Like it gets to the point where it’s exhausting.

I brought a home 45 mins away to give myself a break and it doesn’t work.

Especially, my parents. Sometimes I feel the role has changed and I’m the parent and they’re the child. I love them but they call me for every little thing like I have to baby them.

My dad will wait on me to clean his house, make his drs appts and pay his bills.

My mom hasn’t worked in forever, has a husband but purposely do not pay her bills because she expects me to. When I brought my home she expected me to let her move in with her husband, let them have the master room and me pay all the bills. I feel bad because people are leaving this world daily so I try to keep in touch with them. But at the same time I have my own issues going on.

9 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    Tell them you can't thrive as a young adult while you're functioning as their personal assistant. You can show them how to use technology to do some of these things. You can arrange a regular cleaner to come to their home. You can set up all their regular bills for automated bill pay. But after that you'll have to let them know that if they need the hands on care of an assistant they're going to have to hire one. This of course assumes your parents are compos mentis and don't have medical issues that make this impossible for them (in which case you might have to hire them some help).

  • .
    Lv 5
    8 months ago

    Divorced parents are the worst, and when they remarry it becomes a nightmare, it means that you have to look after 2 sets of families depending how many stepfamily members come and go from these step-households.

    You see your father every other week, see your mother and stepfather on the week you don't see your father. 

    Make your visits short and sweet, and you have to go because of X-Y & Z and it's making you very busy.

    Reason why your mother and her husband wants you to live with them, is so that they can get rent out of you, to tell you the truth, they were most likely upset that you bought your own home, owning a home you will have to put money into it, for repairs, upgrades and if there's a mortgage, you will have that to pay off. The very thought that your money is going into a home and not your mom and her husband's pocket is upsetting to them. 

    Your father was also competing with your mother he wanted you to pay your hard earned money to pay off his bills, he has a retirement check for that. Your mom and her husband were trying to pull the same thing.

    Whatever you do, don't sign anything that will cause you a financial loss, your mother and stepfather wanted to move in and check out the worth of your home. 

    I have been there done that and talked to people and they told me to watch myself, I could have lost my home to my father's wife if I went through with their suggestions. I didn't sign anything that would cause me financial hardship. Avoid at all costs any legal papers that has anything to do with your home or business.

    Sounds to me that Father, Stepfather and Mother want a piece of your pie.... Keep it Safe & Locked Away

    And just watch how they behave, when you get married and have children to fill up your house, where there will be no room for sleepovers for grandparents, you will have to make reservations for them to sleep in the local hotel.... And big deal if they kick up a fuss, if they are old enough to drive to your home, they are old enough to stay at a hotel.... And a word of warning, with my experience of becoming a stepdaughter at the age of 34, my father's wife kept stealing things from out of my home. Put all the treasures and family heirlooms away under lock and key, and bring out things that come from the dollar store.

    When my 2 daughters took a trip to see their grandfather and his wife, his wife stole my daughter's toothpaste and had to borrow her sisters. Step-grandparents will go through the things of their step-grandchildren, and they don't care what it is, it all has to do with power and control.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Leave and be on your own?

  • 8 months ago

    Your parents are adults. If your dad wants a clean house, he can do it himself or hire someone. I don't see why he can't clean unless he's disabled. Plus it's good for people to move around and do something productive with their time. And i'm sure he knows how to use the phone and make his own appointments and pay his own bills. Same for your mother. She can get a job... and did she marry a bum?

    Take care of YOU...

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  • 8 months ago

    This sounds like codependency, or something like it. Don't feel guilty, you need to start breaking away. It's going to take some bravery, but you'll have to tell them you can't manage to keep their lives going as well as your own. It's not fair of them to expect you to do everything

  • 8 months ago

    I'd move farther away and tell them why.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    You are enabling this behavior. Learn to say no. Tell them you have your own house to clean. If they want you to clean it say no and give them the number of a maid service. If your parents can't pay their own bills then that is their issue. If you have siblings get together and discuss a way to handle this so the responsibility isn't on you.

  • 8 months ago

    You don't have to do any of these things, you just choose to. No one can change this but you. Why do you have to clean your Dads house? why are you paying their bills? because you choose to. If you dont want to, then DON'T

  • 8 months ago

    They continue to depend on you because you are doing what they want you to do. They will not pick up the ball until you drop it. By all means keep in touch with them, but stop caving to their demands. You have taught them to rely on you. You have to unteach them.

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