How do I approach this subject with my wife without it hurting her feelings?

When I met my wife some 16 years ago she weighed about 105 lbs. Very slim and petite and that's what I liked about her. She probably was wearing a size 4 in clothes. Since then she's gotten up to about 160 lbs and is now wearing a 10,12 or ever 14 in clothes. I still love her but do not find her sexually attractive anymore. She complains that we don't have sex anymore. Int he past 5 months we've probably only been physical once. Her closet if full of clothes she can't get into anymore and she's always complaining about not having anything to wear. Watching her put on a pair of jeans is a chore. She'll say "Women's clothes are suppose to be form fitting. Her idea of weight loss is to pay companies these high prices to monitor her eating but every night after dinner she'll eat a bowl of cereal right before bed. Anytime I bring up her weight we usually get into an argument and she'll end up crying. How do I approach this with her and convince her to lose weight without it hurting her feelings?

40 Answers

  • 8 months ago

    looky hear, we need to know the truth. too many fat ugly women get ego boosyed by lying men thus you see these huge heffers in bikinis at the beach--they been lied too enough to where they really believe fat hanging out is attractive. just tell her flat out--hun, i married u when u was skinny, i cant stay married to u if your are this fat. She will either respect your boundries or she will leave..If she leaves least u dont have to look at whale no more!

    Goodluck love, i hope i helped!

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Have you tried suggesting going gym together ?. You could make it subtle so that it’s not aimed at her . You could say you want to start the gym to get fit and would like her to be your gym buddy. 

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    there is only two answers

    shut up and accept it ... or get a divorce and move on

    there is no telling her and it will not work ..she must look in the mirror and decide that is it 

    the EXCUSES thrown around do not help at all...

    like she may have had 3 children,,,,, Well many women have 3 children and look great and some never had children and still got overweight

    and yes some people can eat all they want and not gain weight NOT RELEVANT 

    while we live in feel good make excuses world and the well meaning people are actually destructive not helpful

    she has to decide 

    and you have to decide 

    I know women who will never have sex again because they are so fat.... and men too ,,,, facts are facts ,,, just because it hurt to hear does not mean it is not the truth 

    Observation. EVER notice divorced people all of a sudden can loose weight ? 

  • 8 months ago

    She will not lose weight until she sees a personal need for it.  Women's clothes are to be form fitting but not in a way that tries to disguise fat.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    It's said that "Women marry men hoping to change them but men marry women hoping they'll never change". Both of which are of course folly. If your wife's physique is what you liked about her and your relationship lacked the emotional and practical underpinnings to weather the years you clearly misjudged the way life and aging work. This would be especially true if she's "ruined" her body by having a couple of kids. However, we all owe our partners our best and healthiest selves and unless your wife is 5'10+ she's risking all kinds of weight related medical problems. Of course your own personal attraction is an interesting side point, but hardly the biggest issue. So find ways for you both to engage in healthier eating and some fun that involves exercise. She's not going to be motivated to do this on her own while you sit on the couch eating chips. Maybe take a cooking class together if you don't know how to prepare wholesome meals. Join a gym or a dance class together. Harping on her about her weight is just going to send her into a binge eating spiral. This is something you'll have to work on together. One also assumes you're not the same weight you were when you graduated high school either.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    You have my sympathies Dude!

    Because frankly I just don't think there's any way in Heaven'n Earth or either side of the Gates of Hell a man can say anything the least bit unflattering to a Woman about her weight or figure without hurting her feelings or Pissing her Off! 

    Personally I'm not that particular, so when I married a Six-foot Big-boned Woman weighing about 165 Lbs I didn't really give it any thought,,

    But that's not to say that I didn't notice when within a year, she expanded to '265' but I NEVER said a frkn Word,,

    Not even when by the end of Year-Two, she got up to 'Three' sixty-five with Her side of the bed littered with empty chip-bags & cookie-boxes and junk-food stashes horded everywhere from the closet-shelves to the trunk-o-the frkn Car!,,,

    But when the bovine beast broke '400' I simply walked out & filed for Divorce,,& as iterated, without saying a single word about it! ,,After all, Overweight & plus-sized Women DON'T need to be told or reminded that they're Overweight & Plus-sized,,trust me, they KNOW IT & nothing a Man might have to say about is gonna accomplish anything but getting his Chops Busted as a reward for for that much Honesty!

    So,, when she asked why, I simply told her that if she's actually STUPID enough to wonder what prompted me to lose interest in Sex , then she needs more time than I'm willing to take explaining it to her to figure THAT out all by herself!

  • 8 months ago

    It's easy to criticize. The best route is encouragement. Put in the work yourself if it means that much to you. Start your own meal prep, hit the treadmill. Pave the way and just find someone who is better looking. 

  • 8 months ago

    You got any kids?

  • 8 months ago

    105 is very small.  if she was taller then 5ft she would be a stick.  She did not get to 160 over night, so it would take a while to lose a few pounds.  However, I have been with skinny women and full figure woman and sex was still good. Hugging, kissing, and fondling of our privates still feels good. Intercourse still feels good.  Now, lets talk about you. How is your weight. What was your weight when you got married. How much weight have you gained, in 16 yrs. Besides backing off sex, which can in lack of intimacy can cause a person to gain weight. It is said, one 2-3 hrs love making is like taking a 5 mile hike.  So if you had no sex with your wife for 5 months, assuming making love once a week, and at least 1 quicky, you have prevented your wife of doing a  25 mile hike each month. That could have helped her lose 5lbs a month, not to mention, she would have eaten less because she had sex. No one is perfect. I remember a husband on a flight asking a flight attendant who was pretty and slim, also 20yrs younger and no kids, how she keeps in good shape. My friend in front of everyone said, I will tell your wife how to lose 20lbs in a few months, as soon as you grow an inch. The whole plane screamed out in laughter. And at least 2 gentlemen yelled out, 1 said, I can help you lose 200lb of stupid. The other one said. I would love you like the woman who stood by me for 20yrs and gave me my 3 beautiful children. Who had just died. Think about it. 

  • 8 months ago

    You've already hurt her feelings - too late now.

    And the truth is, a lot of women gain weight because of emotional eating, so maybe she's distressed or depressed about something?

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