Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

Good Marriage - no spark ?

My husband and I are high school sweethearts. We’ve been with each other since we were 16. Now, just turning 30 in less than a month has me really looking hard at my life. My marriage is good. I can’t complain. He is safe, he’s caring, he’s attentive, he makes me laugh, he’s a good dad to our 10 & 6 year old, a good provider...but there’s no spark. There’s no chemistry. It’s more of a best friend vibe than a lover vibe. I can’t help but wonder if there is anyone out there better that could suit me, and same for my husband. He says he doesn’t ever care to see what else is out there but unfortunately I kind of wonder what I missed out, if maybe there is someone else out there that I could be happier with? Someone I perhaps share more interest with? My husband and I differ a lot. We are like night and day. He is a serious Christian, I’m not Christian. He is a home body, I like to go out. I like to travel, that isn’t big on his priority list. And because we differ in just about every area...sometimes it’s hard to come up with things to talk about. I think my husband is attractive, but there is also no sexual chemistry. Physically he isn’t my type even though he is attractive. To sum it up, my husband is a good husband. He’s great! I’m not sure if he’s right for me? Is this just a phase couples go through after being together for so long? Did we just grow apart because we were high school sweetheart? Do I just need to be more intentional with my marriage? 

Any advice? 


I just wanted to add, I’ve felt like this for a few years now but just keep thinking things may get better and maybe if we work hard enough the spark will come back. But I haven’t been too successful, clearly. 

28 Answers

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    you describe the mistake many women make... 

    nip this in the bud 

    I will simply tell him god commands he to be a sexual partner to you - just once

    after that men are men and fear upsetting their wife asking for sex,,, make him understand

    one word swallow -- 

    not only the act but tell him you need it not to spill any  - lots of verbal talk about sex 

    as for LIKE TO GO OUT,.... this is the step to divorce and once you are their you will be used and humped by ever smuck with a smile ,,,, and you will find it very very unsatisfying,, OH sure at first the sight of new men naked and sex is GREAT. after awhile you find you wanting the safe man back,.... TOO LATE he will not be there. 

    End this fantasy idea of what life is (too many movies) ,, if you on your own are filthy rich and can afford this WELL good luck 

    most of the divorced women I used who were like you (30 years ago) were not

    they were all friends and I cared but they were not really happy , fun for the night week  - month then they wanted safe again. There are many men who use you and do not care. 

    DO not do this 


    while a few man take back their wife ,,, it seldom works...  and he will forever have resentment and you will go back to wondering

    make sex good and the best person to have sex with is he you best friend 


  • 8 months ago

    I can tell you after being married for 35 years that the grass is never greener on the other side.

  • 8 months ago

    Hope and pray god will lead you through these tough times god bless you and your family♥

  • 8 months ago

    We have been  married  52 yrs. Most of our sex has been of the fun and playful kind, not the candlelight and music kind.  

    We had great friends that we traded keeping kids with to give alone time. Or sometimes the neighbor girl came over to watch the kids while we 'ran a few errands.' but the car never left the garage.

    Think outside the bedroom. Next time you take a shower, wear just the towel around the house for a while. See how long it takes before he pulls it off. My wife wears just a Tshirt that comes to mid butt. (drives me crazy) cook breakfast in just panties on a day that he goes to work (or golfing, fishing, etc). He will think about that all day. On a day when he is home, do the same, then sit on his lap and feed him his breakfast. Snuggle up on the couch when he is watching TV, then start unbuttoning something, on you or on him. Have a naked video night where you both sit naked on the couch, popcorn and drinks, and watch something you like (doesn't have to be porn). Have naked breakfast on Saturday mornings. Don't forget car sex. Scout out a place when you are alone, then one night when you are driving home, say, "Turn here." and guide him to the spot.. Pull out some battery powered candles for the dashboard. We had a book called "101 sexual positions" and a jar with pieces of paper numbered 1 to 101. We would pick a number and try that position. Have sex in every room, on, under, or beside every piece of furniture. Try sex on the stairs. After you have done a few of these, challenge him to come up with something. But most of all HAVE FUN!!!! 









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  • 8 months ago

    You are the problem.  Marriage can be a boring and tough slog at times.  Work on yourself.  There is nothing wrong with him.  It sounds like you dont really realise just how good you have got it.  It is clear he is not going to play or let you play the field so cut to the chase, you are really talking about ending your marriage don't drag it out if thats your plan just end it.  Be prepared to be lonely and regret your decision.  Its not all fun and games trying to find a new spouse especially if youve got two kids.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    If you and your mate are loyal to each other, you enjoy a sense of permanence about your union. When you think about the months, years, and decades ahead, you see yourselves together in the picture. The thought of not being married to each other is utterly foreign, and this outlook brings security to your relationship. Security, love and a relationship with the creator of marriage creates millions of the right kinds of sparks. 

  • 8 months ago

    Find commonality in your delight in your children, in your successes in life, and in your attraction to each other. Be available and aggressive in your sexuality. There's no better way to get back to your original attraction. Rebuild the bond.

  • 8 months ago

    When you have to work to find a spark that means things aren't going so well in your marriage no matter what you say. You got to have fire below your belly to keep a marriage going strong and apparently your husband doesn't have it anymore, your husband needs to be a good lover also if he wants to be a good husband. You probably haven't missed out on as much as you're fixing too. His sex drive is going to continue to decline and your is going to keep accelerating. You've only been together for a few years. 

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    you are obviously unhappy in your marriage. life is too short to waste away in a bad marriage. you owe it to yourself to get out and seek greener pastures. file for divorce first thing tomorrow morning and go after that better life you know you deserve. good luck.

  • 8 months ago

    You don't need to have the same interests but you need to share your interests with each other. Also I don't think there is anything wrong with your relationship. Of course after 15 years the butterflies and spark have died down. You and your relationship are maturing.

    You said over and over that your husband is a good man and a good father. Not to mention a good husband. That's the important part. Good people are really hard to find. Also you have kids! Putting your children through the pain of a separation just so you can see if the grass is greener on the other side? 

    I'm sorry but you kinda sound almost selfish. Like you want to trade in your car for a new one. No real reason why, the car runs just fine. You've just been driving this one for a long time and want a new one now.

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