Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

I caught my son Thomas looking at porn. I know some of this is normal but what is good discipline (Serious answers please)?

Serious question, I don't want to go overboard as my wife is flipping out like he has committed an unheard of offense. Our other kids are daughters. Our son is 17 (Junior in high school). I looked at Playboys at that age but this is on-line porn so it is so much more graphic. I looked at what he was viewing and it is vile but simply Internet porn, nothing illegal. My wife is acting like he needs to be in residential treatment like an addict but I told her that is absurd.

Update:

Thank you all for the advise. 

22 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favorite Answer

    Yeah, it sounds like your wife is over-reacting, but maybe not as much as you think.  I seriously doubt your son needs treatment, but one thing you didn't mention is how often he accesses this stuff.  If it's every day, this is too much.  It also increases the odds he'll inadvertently land on a site with stuff on back pages that IS illegal.

    That's one of the reasons your comparison to Playboy isn't totally accurate.  Playboy is very controlled.  If your parents were worried about what you were seeing, all they had to do was flip through the mag.  Your son has access to the entire planet.  I mention this because clearly the 2 of you need to get on the same page with this, which will require each of you conceding something to the other.  If you tell her you don't agree he needs treatment, fine, but what concession are you willing to give to her  in exchange?  It could be anything from restricting his access to the device he's using, you monitoring closely every page he sees (for some reason I lol'd typing that).  But you do have to find something to help alleviate her legit worry if you take away the option of treatment.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Lock him in his room for a year with no access to the online world. he will later learn that if he does that again he will be locked in again.

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  • 1 month ago

    Let him do what he wants, he's basically an adult and it's probably good for him anyway if you're not doing it for him. Make sure it's not gay porn unless he's fat, because I heard that jerking off to gay porn burns calories. I hope he's doing okay otherwise, hmu if you need a babysitter. 😘🤫🤐🤠👿💩💩👉👌👅👅👩🏿‍🚒🧖🏼‍♀️👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🩲👙🙈🐒

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  • 1 month ago

    He is 17 and wanting to learn sit down have the talk not the phony talk of wait till marriage that's Jive now days you can't marry just for lust, tell him safe sex, and be a man if he has child to be a Father not a daddy and women are play things they have say over their bodies. His mom your wife is over reacting at 18 I was watching it how I learned some things. Men don't learn or get lessons like how young ladies do. It's not the worst thing. 

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  • 1 month ago

    Well what i would do if i had duelly warned him not to look up porn or read it is simply warn him no punishment for the first offense but give him a suspended sentence  if he does it again its a serious grounding but if he doesnt he gets off on a warning .

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It's not really unusual. It's very common and he was probably just curious but porn is considered to be trashy do to religious reasons or just moral reasons. It's really up to you to decide if it's right or wrong and what type of porn he watches. If you want to, you can just take his computer away. What would be worse is if he was in a porn video because since he's under 18, that would be child pornography. 

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  • ron h
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You need to talk to your son about the fact that porn is unreal AND that his mother is goin' nuts AND that what he's looking at is created for men, not for his sisters. Unless he's looking at porn showing murders or animal cruelty, I'd let leave his choices out of the talks. For the sake of everyone, be sure he uses private browser windows and duckduckgo.com  to search. 

    Your wife is wrong, of course. She's not gonna cure him of being a man. She CAN make him crazy.  Tell her that you've talked with him and that he's gonna keep his private stuff private.

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  • 1 month ago

    Not every offense needs to be punished. A good conversation about the realities of male/female relationships may be in order (i.e. respect, the fact that women don't act like they do in porn video's in real life) and a heart to heart that he needs to be more careful to not get caught by Mom.

    • ron h
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Very good

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I don’t agree with this boys will be boys and it is perfectly fine to look at porn. 

    Would he want to know his mother was in porn when she was younger. For that matter his father. Would he want his sister to get into porn. Would he want his friends to know and watch her? What a girlfriend working her way through college doing porn movies? How would you feel if you catch your daughters watching it? 

     Many women and men are abused in this field.

    Research how much drugs and abuse goes on in the pornography industry to the actors

    . How much porn depicts violence and  abuse to the women. 

    Does he want to be supporting that? Do you want to support that?  

    You think what he watch was vile, yet are ok with him watching it.  You want him to think that is the way he should be having sex and treating a women?  And treating himself?

    Thinking about sex, curious about sex and masturbating  is normal.  Pornography isn’t the way to learn about sex.

    You don’t punish him. You inform him

    • miki1 month agoReport

      Pornography isn’t for learning about sex, it’s something that helps you discover your kinks without being shamed by α partner, or just gives you α little extra to help you climax. I’m α girl and i watch porn, it’s not just α boy thing, it’s completely normal to watch porn. 

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    a real parent already knows the answer

    • ron h
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      "a real parent already knows the answer"  Not really, This is why children need 2 parents.  Men an women are different.  

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  • 1 month ago

    As a father, and grandfather, I can honestly say that for a 17 year old to look at porn is perfectly normal. It's a stage of growing up. You, as a father, need to talk to hi and answer any questions he may have at this time. I'm assuming that you're like most fathers and have not discussed this subject with him to date. You're the father and it's your responsibility to guide him into the adulthood that he's approaching. Your wife is over-reacting, sort of being quite prudish about it.

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