Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 8 months ago

In laws care way too much about my personal beliefs?

I do understand that anyone who raised their child to be of a certain belief would want them to find someone who has compatible beliefs.

Regardless of what they are. I get that.

My partner is a Christian. I am not. I don't really associate with a religion. It's just not something I care about. If I had to be anything, I suppose Agnostic would be the closest. Well, when his family found out about of belief they didn't take it well. They tried to talk to him in secret about how it is "dangerous" for him to be with me. Made me feel worthless simply because I have different beliefs. Even though I never interfere with his faith. We have boundaries we respect with each other. We also agreed we don't want kids.

As adults, it's completely and only our business. It's okay for them to feel disappointed. But they went behind my back and told him how they felt about my beliefs but "don't tell her we said so." Then went on about how it is not a good thing for us to be together.

We are aware of the risks of not being "evenly yoked" as they call it. And it is something we discuss and work through as a couple. We don't ignore it, we handle it. As a couple! Am I wrong for thinking that it is not their place completely interfere? As in going behind my back to talk to him in private about how "dangerous" I can be for him? They can be upset all they want. That's their business. But they attempted to pull me away from him.


It also hurt that they used the term "dangerous."  I am not dangerous.  I am just a person who tries to do her best for herself and the people she loves.  Having different beliefs than some does not make me any less worthy of the love this man gives me...

Update 2:

And shouldn't they care more about how I treat him?  Would they feel better if he was with a woman who claimed to be Christian but was verbally abusive, or using him? This should be about my character, not what I believe in.  That's personal for everyone..

Update 3:

For the record, he is defending my honor.  I can't tell you enough what a great man he is.  

Update 4:

When I say "partner" I mean married. Hence why this is in the marriage section. 

28 Answers

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    Why care what they think it’s your life and mind not theirs?

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    8 months ago

    It's called equally yoked not evenly...and he will get punished by God for being with you.  You say you are a good wife but you can't get a Christian to believe that you are anything but evil. And he should know not having children goes against Christian beliefs.  First there's Love God is Love then there's soulmates then family meaning children.  We are here to Love each other and help one another.  You have to have Love and I don't see how an ungodly person can.  Your in laws are right and they should convince him to leave you if he is still Godly.  None of what you say makes any difference you hate God and that's enough for everyone with Love to hate you.  I don't even think you mentioned Love only you tried to imply you are good and treat him well which I don't believe.  Let me leave you with this thought.  God is Love!

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    As someone in an interfaith marriage I can tell you that the most fraught part of it IS how to raise the kids. If you're not having kids and if you've both found a way to cohabit happily you've avoided most of the drama inherent in this. So consider that even though these people are prickly about you you have dodged the biggest bullet by not procreating. Maybe knowing that will make their irritation more bearable. Also they won't live forever ;-)

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    I am going to tell you things from my perspective. I am not saying they are right in the way they are going at it but they are concerned about a lot of things that will come up eventually. how are you going to get through tough times without religious unity?believe it or religion will becomes very important in his life at some point, to help him get through tough times. Things are easy right now so you don’t consider that but eventually you will see this happening. these are a lot of things I did not care for when I was getting married. My husband is a Christian, and I’m not. I am of a different faith and I can’t tell you how big of an issue that became in our life, when times got hard. And I also got the unequally yoked advice from family when we were getting married. but today i wished I would have listened and not part ways but figured this stuff out first before getting married. When you get married, especially young you don’t take into consideration a lot of things. you are just happy together and that is all that matters at the moment. As long as you get along, and agree on certain things it’s fine. But after the ceremony comes the life together and people start to change. not only change but you get to see the things you never knew, noticed, or thought was important. He comes from a religious family, a Christian one at that. Do you really believe that Christianity does not matter to him that much? he loved you for you not because you are agnostic that is true. But these are things that are going to be an issue at some point in time. Don’t thread the matter lightly, he will defend you always but also be open to his religion Because he came to tell you how they felt about you, which means he is listening. He is not ignoring what they are saying. there will be a time he might turn on you for not caring so much. No one is telling you to change and be a Christian. But take interest into how he feels about his religion,How that shapes his thinking, take interest in the message. I don’t think they dislike you, but religion seems to be a big factor to them, and believe it will matter a lot to him at some point, because they have raised him after all. 

    The thing that caught my attention is you saying you agreed on not having kids. was the decision yours and he went along with it? Because if these are the two reasons they brought up for saying what they believe. This might mean that he actually wanted kids but is willing to compromise something this big because he loves you. Be careful about that one. 

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  • 8 months ago

    I believe in God but I do not believe everything in the Bible and I certainly don't believe in churches. Just look at what has been going on in the Catholic Church, priests molesting you children and they don't really punish them, just move them to another church. And I also don't believe in some other faiths, the churches just want to your money. I knew a man who had signed a tithing letter and his work got bad but you know what, his church sent him a letter telling him how much he was behind on his tithing. I know ministers who have left their families for other women, how can these men teach us morals? Religions are just another word for cults. Look at the Mormons, old men taking young girls for their brides when they already had 4 or 5 or more. I don't believe our solar system was nothing but perhaps it was and God caused the great explosion that created it. I think the best think you and your husband could do is move away from his family. 

  • 8 months ago

    Your husband is wrong in not stopping them from doing this stuff.

  • Anonymous
    8 months ago

    if your partner is a true Christian he will try and expect you to convert. People who believe do not really listen and think you (we) do not think god exist. They think you believe as they do but need Bible Koran or want ever reading to learn the facts as they see them.  

    how ever this being said ,,,, if he is a Christian in association only (with family) and he in real time is agnostic too you will be OK 

    they treat you bad has no real reason other than they are ignorant 

    but the fact is your husband need to realize you and he need major distance and time away form them 

    but I have seen many  marriage destroyed when the believer decided church 3 days a week and you need to go, and they end up forsaking their mate for god. 

    this is your fault not disclosing before marriage - this does not make them right but as the more enlighten on you must be the one to realize they fear the truth and will not see it - so you must take the high ground be civil let time fix it. 

    IF you have children this will be a bigger problem .... move to another city 

  • 8 months ago

    As a christian myself I know that one thing that is a huge part of the Christian Faith is the fact that we are supposed to be lovable and kind to everyone and lead away from judging and mistreating others . If they are so call Christians like they say they are they wouldn’t  be treating you this way. Your husband needs to stick up for you and not allow his parents to talk bad about you . And if he doesn’t want to have the conversation then maybe you should . 

  • 8 months ago

    This is why i don't answer any personal questions or give personal information - such as, religion, politics, whether i'm having kids, when and if i'm getting married for a few. Anyone who pries and asks another person about these things are rude and they are intruding.

    And does your boyfriend go to church? You didn't say.

    If many of your important life values mesh, i don't see the problem. I don't see how there are going to be "risks" if you're an agnostic or even an atheist and he's a christian. Who cares? Plus you don't believe you're having kids so you don't have to have the discussion about raising them in the Church or not. Even if you did, i don't think that sort of thing ought to be an argument.

    Parents talk to their kids about things - like their partner, for one. It's just human nature. But his parents need to realize they aren't marrying you, their son is, and they ought to allow him to make his own choices without predictions of gloom and doom. My sons are both married, i kept my mouth shut, but one of their choices was questionable. As it turns out, she's a great girl. So yeah, my mistake and i'm glad i keep my damned mouth shut.

    I've discovered most Christians are a bit on the ignorant side. They aren't accepting and very judgmental (which is entirely against the Christian teachings and from what i hear, it's a "sin" to judge). Therefore, most christians i know aren't Christians at all! I guess they are having a good time faking it.

    The atheists i know are all great people. I'm also an atheist or agnostic. There may be some afterlife, but i'm not sure, because no one's come back to say a thing about it after they died. Who is sure? No one knows.

    People have to have something or someone to find faith in, i guess. I find faith in others, as well as myself!

    I'd ignore his parents' comments about this stuff if they say anything to you. You could tell them they are intruding, but that would open another can of worms. I'd just smile, and start talking about something else.

    Take care... congratulations on your marriage. I know things will work out and I'm sure you two aren't going to have a tug of war about religion.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    8 months ago

    She has made the decision to marry you.

    However concerned they are, it is a matter for your wife and yourself to sort out.

    Why not, at least, look into her beliefs and attend church with her occasionally?    Nobody is likely to bite you!

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