How can I have a positive icon for being black to literally source from in my head?

Like I feel like I have to positively self identify as black to be considered black by me mostly. And I feel like I have this black rectangle I call black and it's kind of see through and it's like a black sheet but it seems us to up pose to represent black. Kind of like a black flag vertically resting. I feel like that is my current icon for black but it's so uncomfortable. When I try to get energy from it it feels like I'm just absorbing black energy and kind of feels like I'm being evil or something. I also think literally and am gay so I have been bullied by black "straight" boys when I was growing up and am half white too. I stood up for myself and got in a couple of fights one unrelated. But I just need help identifying as black and getting along better with you guys. Please assist!

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