aiste asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 1 month ago

Fluent speakers of English, could you help me with my English?

I need to translate a paragraph but my English is not very good. Should I change this paragraph to make it sound more natural? I would be very grateful for any answers.

She demonstrated her kind heart once again in 2018 during a marathon in London when she noticed a female runner pressing her hand against her heart and realizing that she felt bad, she put her arms around the runner and accompanied her several hundreds of meters to the nearest water point where she received required assistance.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
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    She showed her kind heart once again in 2018 during a marathon in London when she noticed a female runner pressing her hand against her heart. Realizing that the runner was in distress, [name of person] put her arm around the woman and walked her several hundred meters to the nearest water point, where she received the assistance she needed.

    • RE
      Lv 7
      1 month agoReport

      Over her heart?

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  • 1 month ago

    It's a little bulky. I would break it down into three sentences.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Your English is fine in terms of structure and syntax. What you seem to be lacking is the proper phrases that would ordinarily be used to describe what you have written.

    For instance when you said this person had her hand against her heart, nobody would ever say that. And when you say something like she felt bad, that’s more of an emotional perspective rather than a physical issue.

    You could say that she saw this person, this runner, in physical distress and she went to help her. And typically we don’t put both arms around someone to help them, we put one arm around them and the other person puts their arm around us. 

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