Eric L asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 month ago

Whats wrong with me and how can I change?

So I'm a 31 year old male, and I've always been shy, a loner, and timid. Yesterday I realized something that I knew but didnt consciously acknowledge before now. When people try talking to me I go blank in the head. Like I cant think in the moment, but will think of responses later. Example. Yesterday a co worker told me he'd take me to new orleans to get me laid, smoke and drink. Again, I went blank in the head, but now I'm thinking of all these responses like, "dude I dont smoke or drink", or "i told you when you asked, that I dont smoke or drink". Another example. The same co worker trying to make small talk at work. Again I went blank in the head, but now all these possible responses are flowing into my head like "dude we got all this work to do stop talking and get to it" or "dude I'm here for a check, I'm not here to make friends" How do I gain enough confidence, attitude, and just a stronger mentailty

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  • 1 month ago

    L'esprit de l'escalier or staircase wit. We all do that, and think of the right thing to say when we're leaving (and on the staircase). There's nothing wrong with you, except that in social situations where you haven't had experience you can't think of what to say. My guess is that the next time your colleague brings up NO, you'll know what to say. Otherwise, cut yourself some slack. If you're too critical of yourself it will be harder to think of what to say.

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  • 1 month ago

    Not a big deal. No exposure makes you complacent. And 31 isn't so old to shy away. Its instinctive.

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  • 1 month ago

    Stop worrying about what you are going to respond to others, start working on what questions you are going to ask, the more you listen to people the more they like your company

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