Husband won't connect with his kids and blames me?

We have been married nearly 18 years and have a 11 yr old boy and 12 yr old girl and my husband hasn't bonded with his own kids nor even tries, he thinks it's their job to bond with him. He won't do anything with them except go for a walk to the beach with the dog and get ice-creams 4 times a year and when he does this he still barely talks to them. He demands respect from them but doesn't give it. He has a very annoying trait that he does with all of us were he touches us very slightly to annoy us coz he thinks it's funny. Our daughter told him today she hates it (as we have all told him this in the past) and she doesn't want him touching her again. He now says he will NEVER touch her again, no cuddles or kisses which is what he will actually do. He is constantly pushing them away and doesn't even realise it. He thinks Im to blame. He thinks Im telling them to keep away from him. If he died, I don't think the kids would even care. He feels its the 3 of us against him which makes him constantly angry but he refuses to see whats he's doing wrong. He refuses to see physiologist as well as we have tried this and he says I constantly throw him under the bus. He refuses to get divorced as well. Not sure how to get through to him. Its like living in an army camp. Kids are convinced he doesn't love them and part of me thinks he may not.


Update: He wasn't like this before we had kids. He has lost patience and now has no patience with any of us. We actually planned the first child but the second was a surprise. 

4 Answers

  • ?
    Lv 7
    12 months ago

    It's not like you need his permission to divorce him. But some counseling with the whole family might help.

  • 12 months ago

    Well, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink, can you?

  • 12 months ago

    He may refuse to get divorced but it doesn't have to be his choice,

    I'm guessing he doesn't know how to parent because he wasn't parented very well himself, so try to have compassion for him. He sounds supremely unhappy, will end up a very lonely individual but you and your kids do not have to suffer along with him.

    It may seem overwhelming, I've been through it myself, but just start putting one foot in front of the other to make a new, better life for you and your kids.

  • 12 months ago

    Has he always been like this, even with you before the kids came along?  If so, perhaps he suffers with some form of Autism.  People with Autism find it hard to bond with others and often don't like touching or being touched.

    At the end of the day, he's the adult and therefore it's up to him to change his negativity towards his children and find ways of bonding with them.  Perhaps finding a new hobby that the whole family can enjoy.

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