Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 2 months ago

HELP! My ex husband got remarried and became a Long haul truck driver and has 50% custody.?

Hey all. i want to thank you in advance for your feedback and answers. 

i am a mother of 3 children that i had within the 10 year marriage of my ex husband and i. my oldest being 12, as well as 5 and 3. the two youngest are boys. My ex husband and i entered a 50/50 parenting plan 2 years ago, following our divorce. I agreed to this and it didnt go to trial because at the time he had a job where he was home every single night and saw his kids when they were supposed to be in his care. well, that has changed now and for the past 8 months he has been working for a long haul truck driving company, and is on  the road 26 days out of the month. He no longer communicates with me. All communication goes through his wife, obviously, his wife picks the kids up and drops them off and watches them while he is gone, his wife is his complete stand in. its like hes fell off the face of the earth except for 3 days a month when he sees the kids. i want to modify this parenting plan, because i feel like if he is not even physically present 95% when the kids are in his care, then the kids should be with their biological mother, not their step mother. i am in the state of washington, and the attorney that i hired, stated that i can only enter a minor modification on this parenting plan based on the laws.

 

Update:

. i dont understand how an absent parent can remain in half custody when theyre not even present. what can i do to get my children in my care when their father isnt present. my middle child is just now starting to say "i dont want to go to their house anymore mom, because daddy never comes home". 

Update 2:

This is heartbreaking because i feel like my hands are completely tied. My two youngest boys dont understand why daddy doesn't come home anymore. do you guys think there is anything i can do so that i can have the children in my care and get sole custody, with visitation of dad? Dad is completely uncooperative because he doesnt want an increase in child support

Update 3:

i dont know where the misunderstanding is coming in that he has them MORE than myself. I have the  50% of the time and he has them 50% of the time. I AM PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY PRESENT IN WASHINGTON WHEN THEY ARE MY CARE. HE IS NOT. 

19 Answers

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  • 2 months ago

    I can see why you got divorced.

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  • 2 months ago

    It was Solomon who made a test based on the fact that a REAL parent only cares about what is best for the child.  You aren't making claims that the step mom is a bad mom.  You are claiming the child as a form of OWNERSHIP.  Which would fail Solomon's test of a deserving parent. What if the step mom was a better mom than you are?  Would you willingly give up the child under those conditions?  Or would you still claim that they belong to you because you are their biological mother and have RIGHTS over and above the rights of the child?  Perhaps, if this got to a judge, that should be a substantial consideration.

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  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Really unless your kids aren't being treated well by step mom or being taken care of, there really isn't a reason to disrupt their normal schedules.  Just like you can pick who cares for your kids on your time if you're away or unavailable ... so can he. 

    Your attorney is telling you there is no legal basis to modify the agreement. If it's okay to take the kids from him because of his schedule, he could do the same to you. In a hypothetical that would be like you working 3rd shift and your ex deciding to try and take the kids because you work when really you could just figure out someone to stay with them at night.   I actually did work nights for years and my ex didn't try to take the kids due to it, I just had someone with them at night and after I remarried he helped with them too and we also had to juggle his schedule.

     

    It's really not hard for kids to understand if it's explained to them why he's not around.  My ex was in the military for years.  He was stationed far away and then deployed often.  My kids still understood as best they could for their ages why he was away from them because I explained it to them.  Deployments sometimes we didn't hear from him for weeks at a time (or more)  but for the most part he still had daily contact with them.  He called them everyday.  My current husband is a doctor and like most doctors he works a lot and the kids understand that he misses things or might have to leave to help someone.

    It seems like you're over complicating this.  Either you trust your ex's judgment as a parent or you don't and if you don't why did you have 3 kids with him?  My ex and I are divorced for a number of reasons but his parenting isn't one of them.  I know the kids are safe with him and he wouldn't have someone with them that didn't treat them well.What you should try doing here is work at some sort of cordial relationship with their step parent.  My ex and my current husband get along well and they do that for the kids.

    Sole custody is typically ordered when a parent is deemed unsafe or unfit to parent..  your ex is neither.

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  • Ocimom
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    Take your attorney's advice - you CAN change the visitation.  If he's not home, then there is no reason the kids need to be taken care of by the step mother unless you are on good terms with her.  He will need to figure out what to agree with in a change.

    You may want to get another attorney as this doesn't sound right to only have a MiNOR change - this is more of a major change and needs to be done quickly.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    all you care about is money.. he took the job he could get and make the money he needs to.... if you were still married you would demand that and he would still be gone you would be home with them still.   --- I see why he is your ex-husband good luck to him 

    it is also so sad you hate spending so much time with your children

    • Dr. Stephanie
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      she wants MORE time, not less, !

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  • Ann
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    If the children are being well cared for by their stepmother, and you entered into a 50/50 custody plan, then your ex is entitled to this arrangement.  It would be different if the children were being abused.  It sounds as if you're trying to manipulate the situation to get the children to dislike their father.  Why are you home all of the time?  Do you not work?  You said yourself that you have the children 50% and your ex has custody the other 50%.  Leave it alone.  The bottom line is you're jealous of their relationship with their stepmother.

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    • Ann
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      I have the same credentials as you and maybe more--licensed psychologist, licensed professional counselor, ed. diagnostician, and forensic counselor.  It's not too difficult to interpret how people feel by what they say.

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    Nothing you're saying is making any sense, which leads me to believe you might want to try a different attorney.  I have never heard of a state that only allows "minor" modifications to a  parenting plan.  What if your husband had moved to Miami?  That makes no sense.

    Also, you say he's being uncooperative because he doesn't want to pay more child support.  This isn't his decision.  Of course your kids don't want to spend half their lives with some woman they aren't related to.  If you petition the court to change the custody, it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to pay more.  He WILL be paying more if the judge agrees.

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  • Pam
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Definitely consult another lawyer. But are the kids in good care when they're with their stepmother? Does she take good care of them? Are they happy when you pick them up? Do they complain about going or being there? These are questions that you should consider. If the kids are being well cared for and like going, there shouldn't be a problem with them staying there. But you're their mom and get the last say so Good Luck and make the best choice for the kids well being either way.

  • John
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    I don't know if what the attorney told you is correct, but you should get a second opinion just to make sure.  You also need to look at your original "50/50" agreement.  It seems your husband has had the children almost all the time.  If your original agreement is indeed binding, you should have them half the time.

    • k2 months agoReport

      my ex husband has them 50/50 through the court but is only physically present 3 days a month. 

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  • 2 months ago

    Your lawyer would know way more about the situation than anyone here.

    "Dad is completely uncooperative because he doesnt want an increase in child support"

    - that might be true, that might not be true... I'm going with "not".

    - I'm guessing the stepmother loves them like they are her own.  otherwise she wouldn't be "babysitting them" like you say is happening. 

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    • A Hunch
      Lv 7
      2 months agoReport

      Most people would be thrilled that their children's stepparent enjoyed spending time with the children and treated them like "their own", not create barriers to the relationship.

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