Help me with my poem please?
The spirit of offence, oh how it burdens me,
Why must I take it so damn personally,
The spirit of offence, oh how its hurting me,
As I speak I eat my words so regurgitatingly
The spirit of offence, why must it worry me,
The spirit of offence, oh how its words cut me so surgically
The spirit of offence, cuts deeper than liturgy
The spirit of offence, withering in the wind.
I shreik, I moan,
I peek, I groan,
I seek, I'm shown,
I believe, I'm alone
But I am not.
The spirit of offence, it follows me.
It lingers on my every move.The spirit of offence, is stalking me,
It will never let me be alone.
I should have you know, this poem is about feeling offended.
- Anonymous1 month agoFavourite answer
It's okay. I'm not sure how one eats "regurgitatingly" because regurgitating is the exact opposite of eating. It's like saying, I walked standingly. It's gibberish.
Also, your rhyme "liturgy" feels forced because it doesn't fit. It's out of left field and isn't used exactly right. The same goes for "peek."
- 1 month ago
I did my thing in action......verb.....schoolhouse Rock the rest I not think much of.....no emotion but might be fix Ed if you wait on the passion.......right now I'm not writing or painting cause the passion past.
.......and been replaced with helping others
- AnonLv 41 month ago
You didn’t say what help you need.
- 1 month ago
Yeah I got the the offended part
Last line 1st stanza suggestion
And words I speak in haste come back haunting me
you know you can be a victim or a victor your choice
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- ?Lv 61 month ago
What part of it? It doesn't seem to say anything and the rhythm is very hard to relate to.
I also recommend taking note of rap music and how they use word choices from this century and if you're from the USA, then use spellings from the USA. Otherwise, that part's fine.