Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Can an abusive person change? ?

My ex use to be my best friend. My first love and now the father to my first born.

He was absolutely amazing before the abuse begun and then we found out I was pregnant and he completely changed. He was kind about it at first but then began to behave as if I ruined his life.

He already has two kids with his first wife and they are his world. He kept accusing me of cheating or wanting to leave him. He then started to accuse me of planning to take his unborn son away from him. He has spent over 20k in lawyers fees for custody and divorce.

After that little by little he’d hit me. First it was a slap in mid argument, to choking, to pushing, to doing all at the same time. He’d always apologize and be his amazing said again.

I had enough and called the police. He was released on bail but instead he choose to stay in jail because he says it’s what he deserves. He’s been released after a month. A friend that has him on social media says he post stuff regarding me and how I will always have his heart and he wishes I can forgive me and he wants to be apart of his sons life. 

The fact that he willing stayed in jail gives me hold but I read abusive ppl don’t actually feel sorry they will do anything to make themselves look good. 

2 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    What happened with his first marriage? Was he also abusive towards her? Do you know the facts there, or only what he might have told you?

    Do you ever see his Ex when dropping his kids off? How are they together? Does she look afraid of him? Is he angry towards her, argumentative? Can you see any similarities between how she reacts and how he has made you feel?

    Perhaps the abuse started when he realised (through the pregnancy) that he'd always have you tied to him, so he could relax and be his real self.

    Or its could be that the stress of having the need to support three kids had him behaving badly - not justifying it though- and he could be, with some professional counseling, a good partner again. Like he was at the beginning - "My ex use to be my best friend... He was absolutely amazing"

    Whatever you do from here has to be what is right for you. He has forfeited the right to be your priority by his own behaviour, his choices.

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    People who become abusive via acquired mental illness such as PTSD can often be helped with medication and therapy. But what you've got is a guy who shirks responsibility, only wanted you when you were a sex toy and now resents that biology means irresponsible sex leads to unwanted children (yes, I know you wanted them, but he didn't). Point being...he's going to kill you and possibly the kids too if you don't find a way to get out of there.

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