Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 month ago

Why is my mom now critical of my daughter and trying to make me judge between my kids?

So it's not the perfect situation, I'm a man and have three kids with three different women.  My oldest is my son, my second youngest is my daughter that I raised half her life, and my youngest is my 13 year old daughter that I've only met through video conferences and her youtube channel (her mom lives far away.)

  My two oldest kids have decided not to be a part of my life but do occasionally call my mom.  She was always criticizing my son and oldest daughter as not caring about her personally and also she thinks they just want money.

  My youngest daughter, we have never talked to and I haven't seen her on video conference or anything since 2015.  (My mom has never seen her and refused to meet her, because they did not approve of my girlfriend selection.  They called her mom a hoe, simply because she's Asian.)

  At any rate, I recently found her mom's youtube channel and found a bunch of videos of my youngest daughter growing up, drawing, playing piano, recitals, learning multiplication, and being cute.  I watched her youtube for many hours and I adore her.

  I was so happy I had to show my mom, and my mom honestly acted jealous.  She criticized my youngest daughter for wearing make up, then said I make cute children,

  but then said I needed to know my son looks the most like me and that my oldest daughter reminds her the most of herself.

Update:

  I told my mom that since my other two kids have nothing to do with me (they wont even talk to me and my oldest daughter doesn't even say "i love you" back to me! " So I told my mom that my youngest daughter is now my favorite, and my mom just wants to criticize her.

  Now I'm affraid to have my youngest daughter be a part of my mom.  I think my mom's toxic and is resenting her own grand-child.  Should I just not even contact her mom?

Update 2:

thank you for the good advice.

6 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    It's typical for mothers to excuse all manner of bad behavior in their children and this is why you're apparently getting a free pass on all of this. Of course you've made a huge mess of your and your children's lives so it's only predictable that you wouldn't have a decent relationship with any of them or with their mothers. On top of this I guess Mom's a racist. The hard truth is probably that your mother has mental problems and this is why you turned out the way you did. It's laudable that you've at least tried to be some semblance of a father to at least some of these kids. But you're right, the situation is FAR from "perfect". I'd just tell your mother that considering what a sh*t show you handed your kids it's kind of a miracle any of them are doing okay and that while makeup on a child is gross things could have turned out way worse had you not picked apparently reasonably well adjusted women to knock up then abandon.

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  • 1 month ago

    Uh...you have 3 kids by 3 different women and you haven't seen one in years??? And you're worried about your MOM???

    You should be concerned about your children!

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    maybe you need to ask your mom this question

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  • Mr. L.
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    Doesn't matter why, it's a trap and destructive, don't let it affect your life, put a stop to it.

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  • 1 month ago

    How old are you? You act like you're just as old as your children. Your youngest is your "favorite" really? How about acting like an adult and try and repair relationships instead of burn them.

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Sometimes people don't know how to interact with others; this sounds like your mother's case.

    You have a few options:

    (1) Ignore your mother's verbal abuse

    (2) Talk to your mother and tell her you don't accept her behavior under any terms. Obviously, this route is confrontational and could result in a split between mother and son.

    (3) You are a grown man; if you wish to have a relationship with your children, then do so. Live your life as you please, and stop caring what your mother thinks or says. She'll continue to lash out but who cares.

    Best wishes.

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