Why do abusers say 'Stop being sensitive'?

When people respond to abusive situations such as yelling, beating, bullying, cursing, insulting and threatening behaviors, abusers often say this 'Stop being so sensitive'. But why? Don’t they have the capacity to admit that their behavior is never okay and change their behavior?

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  • 3 months ago

    In some cases, an abuser might not see how flawed and wrong their demeanor towards the abused truly is. It’s normalized to them, whether that’s due to it being modeled to them by family or by peers for quite some time, and likely never been addressed in a manner that was necessary by an equally formidable foe so they’re less likely to see how problematic their actions are. Other components are lack of empathy, compassion and consideration for their victims thus they may not allow themselves to relate to your plight. 

    One vital reason an abuser says these kinds of things is to convince you that YOU are wrong. That you’re seeing how hurtful and damaging the treatment you get truly is, is incorrect and not something that is a fault of theirs. They want you to feel that you’re blowing this out of proportion, that the wrong in what they do is only in your head. They want to minimize your cause and take away your power and voice by dismissing you. Don’t let them. 

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  • GB
    Lv 5
    3 months ago

    They might have the capacity, but do not want to use it. The abusers are bad people who enjoy  tormenting others, and want to make their victims feel they deserve the abuse. 

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  • L
    Lv 4
    3 months ago

    Yelling, cursing, insulting and threatening are normal.....beating and abusing is NOT normal.  Before 2008, Americans used their brains and common sense.  Since then, it has all been turned into abuse by those who are over sensitive to anything and everything.  100%, of Americans, must stick to the U.S. Constitution and those who are against it - need to move to a country where their citizens have NO 'rights' to anything.

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Most abusers were abused so they are insensitive to abuse since they got used to it and do the abusing. Since they are insensitive everyone else is sensitive in relation to how they see it.

    If you're an adult you have the power to walk away from any situation. Even family. It'll hurt but don't stick around anyone who's hurting you.

    You're responsible for you. You can't control what others do or think but you can control your reaction and your actions to that situation or person.

    If you're an adult it's up to you to take control and change your situation. If you're a child then you need to tell an adult such as another family member, neighbor, police or teacher to change yours.

    THE MOST important thing no one emphasizes is. Don't live in feelings of being a victim. Often those people wind up resentful and hateful. They wind up abusing others also maybe not always in the same way but try to find a way to learn live in love and happiness to drive you than pain, self-pity, anger, sadness and hurt.

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    They do that to'get in first' before your temper sets in and has a go at them, insisting they apologize. These people care about no one but themselves. To have you back down, (in THEIR mind!) they see themselves with more 'power'. Stand up to them just once and they will avoid you like the plague - or find a 'reason' to attack you on another level. One of my kids was like that with me. Always attacking me, and I always took it, UNLESS, I had been drinking where I attacked back, and continued to do so until SHE shut it (I only reacted like that when under attack - otherwise, I was a happy drunk) . After that, she'd say I was an 'ugly drunk' and forbade me from drinking when she was around. She wasn't so slap happy about abusing me after that, but she'd still have 'digs'. These people are ar*!*#es who DON'T care about you. You're better off - like I did - walk away and have NOTHING to do with them!!

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  • 4 months ago

    Many lack any empathy. They are often victims themselves and empathy was "crushed" out of them. 

    Don’t they have the capacity to admit that their behavior is never okay and change their behavior? 

    It's possible, but they have to recognize it via another avenue. Reality Therapy was developed in part to help those people to see it through other eyes than empathy. One such approach is: it's counterproductive for you to hurt other people because you will lose in the end. 

    • ...Show all comments
    • Kylie W3 months agoReport

      lets look past the rough outer shell and bring them in close, give them MORE love and MORE acceptance, instead of hating them and rejecting them. Don't you think this is why they suffer in the first place? Lets teach them how to feel safe, acceptable and loved and see if they're still a "bully".

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  • 4 months ago

    That's an interesting question for me because my parents taught us how to be tough, that life is not always fair & blaming others for your situation is counter-productive.  Meanwhile, my wife's father was PTSD damaged WWII Pacific Theater Marine who was quite abusive to those he considered weak & his daughters..She frequently sees abuse where I don't..She can be verbally abusive herself & not realize that she is doing such.  I sometimes "calls like I sees 'em"  She will see that as abusive.  I would agree that the behaviors that you mentioned with the possible exception of yelling & cursing are indeed abusive.  But, I do think that many people, and especially so by today's standards, are overly sensitive.

    I also these contradictions in the basketball & sports world..Some coaches have a demeanor that some see as abusive, others see as a way to get through to kids who are not performing to expectations & the results cut both ways.  Retired Indiana coach Bobby Knight is a prime example.

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    The vast majority of abusers do not feel remorse. This is because they lack the self-awareness and empathy to realize the pain and suffering they have caused. This is often seen by how they make abuse seem like no big deal. By justifying their behavior to others or minimizing it, they pass the blame onto the victim. If they were remorseful, they would openly admit it was their fault. They blame the victim because they need to see themselves as the good guy in power even if they are abusive. This is usually the only way they can live with themselves, since abusers have terribly low self-esteem.

    Abusers are not happy people. They are people who are miserable with themselves and deep down inside, know that they are monsters. They have inferiority complexes so bad, they have to control others in order to feel good about themselves. Control is the full reason most people abuse. It's their way of showing they're the boss, that they have something in their lives that they are in charge of. It's a way of soothing insecurity at the expense of other's lives. Literally, they are in denial about what terrible people they are. The denial is strong, and sadly, it's a survival mechanism for them.

    It's often said that abusers are only truly sorry when their partners leave them, when they get arrested for their behavior, or when their actions are exposed to the public. For many abusers, this is actually very true. For psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths, this is the time when their toy has been taken away. They are upset and sorry that their game has been exposed, not that they hurt anyone. People with these personality disorders and mental illnesses do not care when they hurt others; in fact, they enjoy it.

    • Anonymous4 months agoReport

      I have TWO narcissists in my family and totally agree with your description of them. They DO enjoy hurting others - I felt it made them feel 'superior'. 

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  • 4 months ago

    I am guessing it's a way to rationalize their behavior. You see, their behavior gives them joy, and they don't want to stop doing it, and if they have to accept that they are bullying you, then they are forced to admit that they are doing something wrong, which takes away the joy, so they are forced to rationalize their behavior in order to deny they are doing anything bad in order to keep doing it.

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  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Some of these things are subjective and people really can be too sensitive. I've seen people claim they were "yelled at", but witnessed the interaction and no such thing occurred. Likewise, "threats" can be intentions or promises. Sometimes people just don't like what they hear, so they cry abuse.

    In any case, if an interaction is not working for you for any reason, WALK AWAY. You're not likely to change a leopard's spots.

    • Anonymous4 months agoReport

      Absolutely. For your own sanity -WALK AWAY. These people get meaner and craftier.

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