How to deal with an argumentative, egotistical brother?

We’ve been arguing nonstop for years now. I’m now to the point where I can’t stand to live with the incessant noise. He argues about everything, constantly criticizes and makes insane assumptions. It’s either his way or the highway. I’ve tried everything man, from the acting like and adult in the moment, leaving altogether, or even telling him he’s right. Time and time again i’ve expressed my feelings towards this to him but it doesn’t matter, not even if i’m pouring out my heart to him. After the arguments I feel so resentful, guilty, depressed. I make promises to myself, but it goes right down the drain every time. I say to myself that this is the last time, if I don't speak to him he'll feel some sort of guilt and apologize or that I won’t speak to him at all. What really happens is I leave angry for a while, calm down and then we talk like nothings happened. This seems like it works but only for a short time, in a few hours we’ll be arguing again. I can feel this cycle is taking a toll on my mental health but I have no ideas on how to stop it. If anybody can please express how they feel about my situation I’ll be more than glad to listen. If I can’t find help I don’t know what i’m gonna do.

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  • 2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Since you cannot escape your brother, how about asking him what he is trying to achieve by whatever he is arguing about. I bet he has never thought about what he is trying to achieve. If he can answer that question, perhaps you could enquire why that MATTERS. What difference will it make? Who benefits if he gets what he wants? If you agree with him, he gets what he wants but he still argues so what is it he REALLY wants to achieve? You are right to remain the adult and not to sink to his level. Perhaps you can also be his therapist by asking him to think about his own behaviour. Have you told him how it makes you feel? How does he feel about that and was it part of what he intended? If so, why?

    At the same time, is there something about your own behaviour that makes others want to get back at you in some way? You have to be honest with yourself about this. You also have to bear in mind that the way someone attacks you may be a substitute for something more serious. They argue because physically attacking you would be less acceptable. They may argue as a defence because they feel threatened in some way.

    It must be very unpleasant for you. Sometimes the only solution is to walk away - to distance yourself from the source of the problem. That may involve waiting until one of you leaves home. We cannot fully control what happens in life but we can influence it and we can decide how we choose to react to it. If we let other people push our buttons, we are allowing them to control us. You own what happens in your head. I wish you the inner strength to resist unhelpful outside influences.

    • dremora2 months agoReport

      It really hits home when you say that we can’t control what happens in life but we can influence it. My brothers always going on about, “Life isn’t fair, just deal with it.” but if I have a chance to change it then im gonna take the opportunity.

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  • 2 months ago

    If you’re reading this and have the same problem as me, let me tell you that even if this person is your sibling, significant other etc. there is no way they’ll change. Not even if you put your relationship on the line. I’ve tried everything, the only thing i’ve learned from this is to take the opportunity to leave and never come back. He’s the same stubborn dude that i’ve known my whole life and asking him to change a “major personality trait” is too much for me to ask, I guess. Maybe he’s just a narcissist. Maybe he can’t change or just doesn’t want to. If it’s hurting you, you might as well take yourself out of the equation; you’ll never be happy the way you want to be. If you ask for change and this person agrees to change for you, i’m incredibly jealous. I don’t want it to end this way but how else was it supposed to go?

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  • 2 months ago

    You have the guilt and depressive and more because your brother seems to be a narcissist and narcissists love it when they can make another person feel like crap.

    Realize you have to set some boundaries. An easy way to do that, is when he starts hisShit, just say "gotta go!" smile a big smile and walk away.

    I live with a narcissist. It took a while, but she's stopped her BS with me because she knows i don't play her crappy game anymore.

    Don't show your brother that you're upset at all. Tell him you have to go. Turn around and walk away. Be pleasant (because a narcissist hates that! they want you to be all pissed off).

    And finally, realize his behavior is about HIM not about you. So let him wallow in his misery alone.

    Take care of YOU

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  • Papa-G
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    The attitude of wanting to show that we are better than others can make our imperfect tendency to envy even worse. 

    https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/ws20120215...

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  • 2 months ago

    Time to find another residence, and avoid contact with him.

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  • 2 months ago

    Well. I have answer that will 100% help you...:)

    just get command on being silent..whenever he will speak..you just keep quiet and listen music ..do other tasks..don't give him attention..do what you want..and you will be the winner...he will feel guilty...he will feel bad...the silence is the best revenge ever...:)

    it's hard to keep quiet but get rid of it...and you'll love me...:)

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  • 2 months ago

    How old are the two of you and where are your parents in all of this? It's very difficult to give you any helpful advice without knowing anything about you other than you don't get along with your brother.

    • dremora2 months agoReport

      Im 18 and he’s 16. My mother has been going through the same thing and now she just disregards it. Not only do I not get along with him, the arguments are tearing our relationship apart.

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